Miss my family home. Need help.

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Posts: 3
Joined: Tue Aug 06, 2019 3:55 pm

Miss my family home. Need help.

Post by PleaseHelp87 » Wed Aug 14, 2019 4:02 pm

Any advise would be amazing. My story starts back in March, when my partner found indecent images on my phone. We both sat down and discussed the issue and I agreed to accompany my partner to speak to my GP. So upon doing this my Dr contacted CS and I was instructed to leave my family home and to have no contact with my three children. The following day I attempted suicide and was sectioned. While I was in crisis I destroyed my phone. I wasn't thinking straight, my life fell apart in less then 24 hours. The police recovered my phone and also took my laptop. Five months passed with only being able to phone my children twice a week and supervised contact on Sunday for two hours. The police contacted me and informed me it was a negative result and no interview will be conducted.
This information has been handed to CS and they are now Saying " they can't confirm what I was viewing, so they have to presume the worst". Prior to this I was open and honest to CS and told them what I was viewing. They also extracted information, without my knowledge from the phycologist at the hospital.

CS have conducted assessments on my children and no concerns have been raised. No child protection plan needed and they are on early years help. The case has been closed but they tell me I can no longer live in my family home and not to continued a relationship with my partner.

Really at loose ends with this. I have completed Safer Lives. They told me it doesn't matter. " It's not a tick box exercise".

Please help. I love my children and my family so much. Just want to be a family again.

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Miss my family home. Need help.

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Mon Sep 02, 2019 3:24 pm

Dear PleaseHelp87

Welcome to the parents’ discussion board and thank you for your post. My name is Suzie, FRG's online adviser. I am sorry to hear about the difficulties that you are having. I am also sorry that we have not been able to respond to your query sooner.

Children’s Services became involved with your family because you had sexual images on your phone; you have sought support for your behaviour from your GP and have successfully completed Safer Lives which I think is a programme for people being investigated in relation to online sexual offences to help address and change their harmful sexual behaviour. You have also been involved with mental health services. The police are no longer pursuing the case. Having completed their assessments, children’s services have put early help support in place for your children, possibly as you are no longer living in the family home and they have recommended that you and your partner do not keep up your relationship.

You are unhappy about this as you would like to be a family again and are unhappy about how information was shared between the hospital psychologist and children’s services.

I am not sure from what you say if you are still having telephone contact and supervised contact with your children? Also whether your partner is happy with the current arrangement or wants you to return to the family home? These factors are important. If your partner is not wanting to reconcile or for you to have contact then that is a different issue to if children’s services are restricting your relationship with your children and partner. Children’s services will look to your partner to be protective. Has she been asked to do any protective parenting courses?

I understand that your situation is very distressing for you and that you feel that the important work you have done has been dismissed. It sounds as if you have not been given any pointers by children's services about what else they think you need to do. Your post indicates that your children are very important to you. I think for this reason you should ask for further clarification from children’s services about this.

It may be a good idea for you to contact children’s services in writing, explaining what you are unhappy with and why, and asking that they let you know what else they would like you to do to reduce their concerns. They have said “it is not a tick box exercise” but they should also be able to provide you with clear information about how they have assessed the risk and equally what further work they recommend you should do and why. You could remind them about your wish to stay involved with the children, to be a good father, that you have strengths as a father too and are trying to work on the area of concern.

Have you been in touch with the psychologist about the information sharing? Children’s services cannot extract information as such from other agencies and professionals but are required to do checks and all should follow these information sharing guidelines .

If you are dissatisfied with how children’s services have responded to you, you can consider making a complaint if you want this to be looked at again or if they are not responding to you.

You might be interested in the information provided on the Stop it Now website or you can give them a call to discuss your situation.

Have you remained in touch with mental health services or are you accessing emotional support to help you at the moment? The Samaritans are available 24 hours a day if you ever need someone to talk to.

You can access private law advice about contact with your children from Child Law Advice .

I hope this helps. If you would like to discuss your situation with an adviser you can call the Freephone advice line on 0808 8010366 which is open Mon – Fri 9.30 – 3.00 pm.

With best wishes


Posts: 3
Joined: Tue Aug 06, 2019 3:55 pm

Re: Miss my family home. Need help.

Post by PleaseHelp87 » Tue Sep 03, 2019 6:34 am

Thank you Suzie.

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