Social services are not listening to my partners concerns about his 5 year old son

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Squishypea23
Posts: 2
Joined: Thu Apr 16, 2020 12:38 pm

Social services are not listening to my partners concerns about his 5 year old son

Post by Squishypea23 » Thu Apr 16, 2020 5:06 pm

Since my fiancé and myself started a relationship 5years ago. His ex has been making it very difficult for him to see his son. She would never allow him to bring his around me for no apparent reason. Although we both respected her wishes. At the beginning he would arrange to get a train to go see his son for a couple of hours he was never alloud to spend time with him on his own. If he was ever struggling with money and couldn’t pay maintenance for this certain week she wouldn’t let him see him until he paid her money and would arguments and stress saying he doesn’t care about his son. He tries really hard to make sure he is able to pay maintenance for his son. Sometimes he will give more money than expected. We know that on some occasions the money he sends for his son she spends on herself. Mainly buying tobacco for herself and her mother. We also know that she spends a lot of the money on weed and alcohol. We have seen this through social media accounts like snapchat. She would message begging for him to send more money as she has no money for nappies and food ect even tho he just sent money the day before and then will be posting videos of her out late at night smoking weed and drinking alcohol. That’s not our main issue tho. A lot of the time when he goes to visit his son he is physically assaulted by her and her family. We have some photos and videos to prove this. Sometimes she locks him in the house and tells him he cannot leave while I am sat outside waiting in the car with our daughter. Most of the time all of this violence is infront of his son and the last time was infront of my 4 month old daughter and they tried to square up to me while I am pregnant which is why we are trying call professionals to asses the sittuation. She has introduced his son to many different men who are a threat to his son. One assaulted her and threatened to burn the house down with his son inside the house. He was arrested. All of these men which is aroun 6-7 different men have been accused of being violent to her around his son. She lets these men build a bond with his son and then they leave while she limits my fiancé’s acces to his son because he is in a relationship with myself for the past 5 years. He is also not happy with the cleanliness of there home which his son is living in. We believe this is the reason he is normally sick when he does see his son. There is allot more to this story. But I need information on what I can do as the social have been contacted as the last time he went to visit his son he was AGAIN assaulted by her and her mother and sister and on top his sister tried to hit him with her car. This was infront of myself his son and my 4 month old daughter. The police where contacted we later contacted social services telling them his concerns over the last few years. They have made a home visit and have not been back in contact and the police did NOTHING when we respirated the assault. Why is it that MEN have no help by these people? We have been in contact with a family lawyer who will help us take this to court as over the last 5 years this is his last resort. He wants to try and get full custody but slow her to see his see his son on occasion. Are we wasting our time as he is just the ‘father’. Surely she can’t carry on stopping him seeing his son for no reason. I love with my partner and our daughter so he is not even alloud to have his son over night because she won’t allow him near me but will beg me to babysit when it suits her? I’m honestly so angry seeing my fiancé get so upset about how she has been treating him. His son gets along well with his half sister and she is stopping them spending time together because she dislikes me. I do not drink alcohol or do drugs me and my fiancé and we have never been in trouble with the police unlike her and the random men she introduces to the kid. I just don’t understand how we can make the situation better for everyone. :( if anyone has any advice please help

Squishypea23
Posts: 2
Joined: Thu Apr 16, 2020 12:38 pm

Re: Social services are not listening to my partners concerns about his 5 year old son

Post by Squishypea23 » Fri Apr 17, 2020 10:39 am

Just want to add that she has been involved with social services 2 times before and he was never contacted and informed about any of it and now when his raised his own concerns about it they just call back yesterday telling him he shouldn’t be going to her house... but she won’t allow him to see him any other way? And basically didn’t want to listen to my partner on the phone and kept speaking over him telling him he shouldn’t be going to there house. There is no court judgement or nothing saying that he is not allowed to see him so why are the social services taking her side and agreeing he can’t go there to see him? Surely they can’t do that?

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Social services are not listening to my partners concerns about his 5 year old son

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Mon Apr 20, 2020 12:06 pm

Dear Squishypea

Welcome to Family Rights Group’s parents’ discussion board and thank you for your post. My name is Suzie and I am FRG’s online adviser. I am sorry to hear of the difficulties that your partner is having in relation to contact with his son and also to hear of the concerns that you and your partner have for his son’s welfare.

In your post, you address two different (but connected) concerns.

The first is your partner’s obvious desire to have an ongoing positive relationship with his son, ideally to be his main carer, and your concerns about how the child’s mother is preventing regular contact from happening including through her abusive behaviour and that of violent partners. Your partner’s role as a father is very important, he certainly is not ‘just the father’. If his name is on his son’s birth certificate he has parental responsibility for him which gives him legal rights and responsibilities too. Your partner has rightly contacted a family lawyer for advice about this - including about applying for a child arrangement order which would say who the child should live with and/or spend time with. We do not advise on private law matters and your partner’s solicitor will be best placed to do so. However, you might find the information on the Child Law Advice website helpful too. Please be aware though that the family court is under a lot of pressure at present.

The second issue is children’s services' current involvement as you have contacted them to let them know all of your concerns about your partner’s son including the impact of domestic violence, alleged neglect, your worries about the child’s mother’s lifestyle and use of substances as well as serious threats made by a previous partner. You have reported the violence and threat to kill to the police. If you are unhappy with their response you would need to raise this directly with the police again or via their complaints procedure.

You feel that your partner, as a victim of domestic violence, has not received the right support, as he is a man. I am sorry that he has not felt supported. A male victim should be offered all the support he needs. Has he been in touch with the Men’s Advice Line ? He might also find our FAQ for fathers who are victims of domestic violence helpful.

From what you say, I think children’s services are doing an assessment of your son’s circumstances. Here is information about assessments . They have been involved in the past too. Your partner does not feel he is being heard now and was not notified in the past. They should be fully involving him as he is the child’s father and he has reported concerns too. He can ask for a copy of previous assessments completed and he can also put in writing to the social worker any points he wishes to make now which he feels are not being heard. He should also make sure that he receives a copy of the current assessment and that he goes through it carefully.

The social worker is also currently saying that your partner should not be visiting his son’s home – he should ask for an explanation about this – is it to prevent a further incident occurring, has a counter allegation been made about him or is it perhaps because of the current government guidance in relation to Covid 19 about staying at home and complying with social distancing which we are required to follow ? He should ask for the reason to be confirmed in writing. If the child is witnessing domestic violence then both parents have a role to play in protecting him from this. If he is going to be applying to the court your partner will need to understand what children’s services’ assessment of the situation is and he will also be expected to behave as a reasonable parent and follow government guidance.

You may find these tips for working with a social worker helpful. If your partner remains very unhappy with how children’s services are working with him/his son and he is unable to resolve this he can consider making a complaint. However, if it is the child’s mother who is stopping him from having contact then your partner would need to continue to explore his private law options with his solicitor, as he has begun to do.

I know this is very distressing for all of you and it is a worrying time, particularly in the current situation during the Covid 19 pandemic. There is helpful advice from Child Law Advice for parents during this time. You may also find our advice information for parents (pages 12 to 15 only) helpful as it gives tips about how to support a child when/if direct contact is not (or cannot) happen between a parent and their child.

If you have any further queries about children’s services’ involvement then please do post again with a specific query or if you prefer to speak to an adviser please all the freephone advice helpline on 0808 8010366, Mon to Fri between 9.30 am and 3.00 pm.

I hope the situation improves.

With best wishes

Suzie

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