Family Rights Group | Kinship carers’ Forum

M is 16 and has suffered with her mental health due to conflict with her mother, emotional abuse and traumatic events. Her family has a lot of trauma and neurodiversity but is loving, works very hard and SS have found no safe-guarding concerns (I agree). Their version of events seem more trivial and they cannot see why M has turned against them. However, M has been severely mentally affected by the family relationships and traumatic events of her past, leading to self harm and suicide attempts.

I offered to give her a safe place and she chose to leave home to live with us, her boyfriend's (aged 16) parents at the end of October 2025.

Social services became involved, who have decided that M is 'disabled' and therefore a) a child in need and b) our situation has been qualified as private fostering without the consent of the parents. M has no diagnosis but is suspected of being autistic. This and her mental health problems are believed for the purposes of making her 'disabled' but not believed when assessing risk.
*Can this be used to treat the situation as 'private fostering' instead of a 16 year old legally choosing to leave home against their parents' wishes ?
*Can this be used to say M is unable to make her own decisions ?

As parents we have a good relationship with the family (although M refuses contact) but the family and social services have both decided that M is lying about all the problems, self-harming and suicide attempts and manipulating everyone in attempt to live with her boyfriend (interfamilial issues predate their relationship).
*Is it appropriate for a SW to tell a child that they are lying about their suicide attempts and that they need to just go home (with mental health referrals)?

When the social worker phoned/visited, she attacked me so badly that I was shaking for 2 hours and was sent home from work. Her attitude to M was similar and left her very upset too.
*Is this appropriate ??

SW has decided that there is a safe-guarding concern at OUR house because:
a) she is living with her boyfriend - this intense relationship will leave her with inappropriate ideas about relationships in the future !? Risk of them splitting up.
b) Her boyfriend and I believe her and support her, so we are contributing to her 'anti-family' attitude and supporting her in cutting off her family. We are doing all we can to support reconciliation (encouraging letters, visits with trusted relatives, working towards mediated talks with Mum etc).

I believe she will use this along with dubious 'disabled child' decisions to say that we can not privately foster and force M home, where I'm concerned that M's mental health could deteriorate to the point where she may be a danger to herself again. She also says that she would repeatedly run away.
*Can she do this ?
*What can/should we do ?

She is currently happy, healthy and safe at our home (although it isn't easy taking on another teenager) and she and Sam are working hard at their schooling.

Dear Borange Mum,
Thank you for your post and welcome to the kinship carers' forum. I am Suzie, an online adviser replying to you today.

It would seem to me that this situation has been wrongly depicted as a private fostering arrangement.

The parent did not make a private fostering arrangement with you and is not currently giving consent to her child staying with you.
However, Coram BAAF have a practice note here which states that there is no legal requirement to gain parental consent for a private fostering arrangement.

The child is 16 and private fostering rules would not apply unless she is a child with a disability in which case they apply until a child is 18. Children’s services are now arguing that she is a disabled child but, while she is exhibiting emotional distress and may be neurodivergent, she has no formal diagnosis and has never seen as a child with a disability before now.

The difficulty shared by all parties involved (you, children’s services, and the child’s mother) is that this young person is distressed, feeling unsafe at home and refusing to return home. You feel that the social worker is concocting safeguarding risks in your home and minimising the possibility of safeguarding arrangements in the family home. You feel that the social worker has spoken to you insensitively causing you distress. This is a matter you could take up with the social work team manager and/or make a formal complaint. You can read more about the complaints process here.

Given the complexity and the level of distress a private fostering arrangement is not adequate to meet this young person’s needs. Under a private fostering arrangement you do have any parental responsibility for the young person should she make unwise decisions, or put herself at risk, and children’s services involvement would not be under an obligation to continue their involvement beyond assessment of the private fostering arrangement.
A 16-year old’s complex needs are unlikely to be safely managed this way and there would be a high possibility of the arrangement breaking down which would put her at heightened risk of harm.

I think that children’s services need to take responsibility and remain involved.
This involvement could be under S.20 or S.17 of the Children Act. Both are outlined below.

S.20
At age 16 a young person can request to be accommodated by the local authority under S.20 of the Children Act (1989). You can read more about this here.

Article 39 have a useful resource for young people requesting help under S.20 here.

Shelter’s information page for 16 and 17 year olds requesting S.20 support is here.

When children’s services agree to accommodate a young person, they have a duty to try and place with family or friends (connected persons) first under S.22C of the Children Act. So it would be possible for the young person to be placed with you.Parental consent would not be necessary as she is 16 and can request S.20 accommodation in her own right.

If the 16-year-old has requested S.20 accommodation and children’s services have refused, they should have made her aware of how this decision has been arrived and what support would be offered were she to agree to return to her mother’s care.
The 16-year-old could consider making a complaint about the decision not to accommodate her under S.20. You can read more about complaints here.

I strongly recommend that the young person seeks advocacy support. You can read a guide to children and young people working with advocates here.

S.17

Children’s services wish the young person to return home. It’s not clear whether they intend to offer a S.17 Child in Need assessment and plan. You can read more about this here – child in need.
I understand that the young person is currently refusing to return home, but I still think that questions could be asked about the level of support that could be offered for her to be safer and better supported back at home, so that the viability of this option is fully considered.

Family Group Conference

This may be a way of exploring how the informal network could add to a child in need plan, or alternatively explore alternative carer options for the young person under S.20.
It is to your credit and the young person’s mother that you are able to work together to support her and to consider her options. There may also be family members of the young person who could be usefully involved. You can read more about family group conference here.
If you are pursuing these discussions with the social worker and the social work team manager, considering the complaints process (both you and the 16 year old could make a complaint) but do not feel that you are not being listened to by children’s services you could consider seeking help from your local councillor and/or member of parliament.

You can find out how to contact your local councillor here and details of how to look up contact details for your MP are here.
I hope you will find this helpful and find the links to further information given useful. I appreciate that there is a lot to think about. I hope that you receive some responses from other kinship carer forum users. Should you wish to speak with an adviser, you can telephone our advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30am to 3.00pm Monday to Friday (excluding Bank Holidays).
Best wishes,
Suzie