Family Rights Group | Kinship carers’ Forum

Hi, I am new on here and just wanted to post a question on making a private arrangement.
My son and daughter-in-law are splitting and they have one child (11) betweeen them and my son has a step daughter of 17. They both work in the Police and so shift work is the norm, whilst they are still living together all be it apart the eldest daugther is there to keep an eye on the younger one. The problem is that when they finally go their separate ways, the eldest doesn't want o go with her mother and neither does the younger one. My son has become a Muslim and says he cannot look after the eldest one as she is more or less an adult and it wouldn't be right as he has to follow certain rules around the religion and that both children should go with their mother. Both parents would probably be moving away from their current area and the 17 yr old would like to stay close by to finish her "A" levels. We do not live near them - they are in the south and we moved to the north a few years ago. My concern is if the 11yr old went with either parent without her sister, who would care for her when the parent is on a late or a night shift.
They stayed with us as a family for 7 years before we decided that enough was enough, the arguing was getting too much and so they found a rental.

My husband and I would like to offer a solution and invite them to draw up a private arrangement so that we could care for our granddaughter, she is just completing primary school and they haven't even applied for a secondary school for her, as they say "They don't know who she'll go with and where they will live". We think we can offer her the stability she needs as she progresses to secondary school. We have enough room but maybe not enough income to look after a child - my husband is retired and I work part time and receive a pension from a job I was made redundant in.
We also would offer to take the 17 yr old should she want to change college.

I am just looking for some advice as to whether this is the right thing to be doing and what approach is best.

Dear Kjwamne

Welcome to the kinship discussion forum and thank you for posting.

My name is Suzie, Family Rights Group online adviser and I will respond to your post.

You are clearly very concerned about the children in the family and want to help to give them the stability they will need once their parents are separated. Your grand-daughter is 11 and you want to have her live with you for the start of her secondary education. Her older sister, not your biological granddaughter wishes to complete her ‘A’ levels where they now live.

It is unfortunate that the parents have not been able to make reach agreement about the children and their needs going forward.

Regarding your question about private arrangement for your granddaughter and her sister to live with you, as the parents have parental responsibility for the children, both parents for the 11-year-old and the mother for the older sister they can agree for the children to live with you. Where there is a private family arrangement children’s services do not have to provide financial support. It would be for the parents as non-resident parents to pay child maintenance. You would be able to claim child benefit for the children.

It would be important for you to agree with the parents how the children would be provided for financially should they live with you.

If the 17-year-old wanted to stay in her location, it would be possible for her to request accommodation from the local children’s services department as homeless – please see the government guidance HERE

Having a private family arrangement would not give you and your husband parental responsibility for your granddaughter and the parents would have to agree to medical treatment, school trips etc. You can red more about parental responsibility . If you wished to share parental responsibility with the parents, you would need to have a child arrangement order for your granddaughter to live with you. This would require an application to the court. Please see information about private arrangement
.
This order would mean you all share parental responsibility equally. There is another order that you could apply for which would give you parental responsibility over and above the parents. This is a special guardianship order, and you can read about it in this link lLINK. You may be entitled to legal aid for this application.


If you wish to have more advice about applying for either of the above orders, you can contact this service, Child Law Advice on 0300 330 5480 they offer advice relating to private family law matters.

I hope you will find this information helpful; but if you need further advice can post again or telephone our advice line on 0808 801 0366 The advice line is open 9.30am to 3.00pm Monday to Friday (excluding Bank Holidays).

Best wishes


Suzie