Unfairly rejected as a kinship carer

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Dood24
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Apr 11, 2022 4:04 pm

Unfairly rejected as a kinship carer

Post by Dood24 » Wed Apr 20, 2022 6:14 pm

1st off, thank you for having me here, I joined the parents forum, I didn't realise I needed a different log in for both, hopefully I'm now in the right place.

3 weeks ago my daughter had 3 of her 5 kids taken in to care by child services, it was her 3 eldest, because of false allegations of physical abuse. My wife and I put ourselves forward as kinship carers of our eldest grandson who is almost 7 years old. He has learning difficulties and has been diagnosed with DVD and DLD, both language disorders, his mum was still living with us when he was born and they lived with us until he was around 2 and half years old, after they moved out he still stayed with us regular, partly because he still went to nursery which was 5 minutes from my where I live and around 40 minutes from his new house, and partly so we didn't lose the bond we had. He is a grandads boy, his choice and that bond is still very strong. I understand what he's saying most of the time and if I don't he will either draw a picture or use actions to mimic what it is, he never gets frustrated with me when I don't understand, with strangers and other people he does because they don't know how to deal with his needs. I was the logical and best choice to be his kinship carer, he feels safe with me, about 2 weeks before he was taken in to care he suddenly held my hand to cross the road, something he hadn't done for well over a year, he knew something was going on. Up until the day my daughters case was in court I was still given the impression by the child services worker that he would be coming to stay with my wife and I. About 3 hours before the court hearing the CS worker phoned me to say the court would phone me later that day to let me know why it's a negative to my grandson coming to live us. I never received that phone call. My daughter told me in the court report it stated the reason, my wife is disabled, we are on benefits and we struggle to get things. My wife is extremely upset by this, her disabilities do not stop her from helping look after a 6 year old, she now feels guilty and annoying as she is being discriminated against, we are on benefits but as for struggling to get things in that is a lie the CS worker added in, she knows our eldest daughter lives with us and has a permanent job, she buys a few hundred pounds worth of groceries every month, our cupboards are never empty. This next part is only speculation but I truly believe the real reason is because I got angry with the CS worker, I told her I can see what she's doing and she's making a mistake, I said separation isn't the answer, staying together and helping them is. Why I believe I'm right about the reason is because the court date was rushed last minute, the CS worker gave everyone around 24 hours notice and then didn't send the solicitors any of the reports until late that night, the court date happened to be on my birthday, that in itself could be just a coincidence but the whole story, which this is a tiny fraction, is filled with "coincidences".

This is not me asking for help, just venting, the whole situation is messed up and it's a situation created by the CS worker, there were 5 happy kids a few weeks ago who have had their worlds turned upside down, their basic human rights violated and at least one of those will probably need some form of therapy or counselling as he has now become violent at the contact sessions.

DB182
Posts: 72
Joined: Wed Feb 12, 2020 7:37 pm

Re: Unfairly rejected as a kinship carer

Post by DB182 » Sat Apr 23, 2022 6:45 pm

Hi sorry to read what your going through have you challenged the the negative assessment.

Dood24
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Apr 11, 2022 4:04 pm

Re: Unfairly rejected as a kinship carer

Post by Dood24 » Tue Apr 26, 2022 5:33 pm

I was looking in to it but decided against it for now, the eldest is in the same place as his brother and they are doing really well, they are happy at school and by all accounts they are happy at the foster carers. All this is only supposed to be temporary so i don't want to disrupt and separate them as we can realistically only cater for 1 of them.

DB182
Posts: 72
Joined: Wed Feb 12, 2020 7:37 pm

Re: Unfairly rejected as a kinship carer

Post by DB182 » Tue Apr 26, 2022 6:35 pm

I see...its lovely to know that the children are doing well and together. but I would of challenged it because you only get so long...then if you would of got it changed to a positive your there just incase its not temporary...Good luck hope everything goes well

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 815
Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2011 11:25 am

Re: Unfairly rejected as a kinship carer

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Wed Apr 27, 2022 1:04 pm

Dear Dood24,

Welcome to the kinship carers’ forum and thank you for your post.

I am sorry to hear about the difficulties that your family has been experiencing and can hear that this is a very stressful time for you. I note that you say that you aren’t looking for any advice right now so I just wanted to acknowledge your post and reiterate that if you would like any advice now or in the future (for example about challenging the negative assessment or contact between you and the children) then please do let us know. You can either post here or you can call our helpline on 0808 801 0366 (Monday to Friday, 9:30am - 3pm) to speak with an adviser.

Best wishes,
Suzie

Dood24 wrote: Wed Apr 20, 2022 6:14 pm 1st off, thank you for having me here, I joined the parents forum, I didn't realise I needed a different log in for both, hopefully I'm now in the right place.

3 weeks ago my daughter had 3 of her 5 kids taken in to care by child services, it was her 3 eldest, because of false allegations of physical abuse. My wife and I put ourselves forward as kinship carers of our eldest grandson who is almost 7 years old. He has learning difficulties and has been diagnosed with DVD and DLD, both language disorders, his mum was still living with us when he was born and they lived with us until he was around 2 and half years old, after they moved out he still stayed with us regular, partly because he still went to nursery which was 5 minutes from my where I live and around 40 minutes from his new house, and partly so we didn't lose the bond we had. He is a grandads boy, his choice and that bond is still very strong. I understand what he's saying most of the time and if I don't he will either draw a picture or use actions to mimic what it is, he never gets frustrated with me when I don't understand, with strangers and other people he does because they don't know how to deal with his needs. I was the logical and best choice to be his kinship carer, he feels safe with me, about 2 weeks before he was taken in to care he suddenly held my hand to cross the road, something he hadn't done for well over a year, he knew something was going on. Up until the day my daughters case was in court I was still given the impression by the child services worker that he would be coming to stay with my wife and I. About 3 hours before the court hearing the CS worker phoned me to say the court would phone me later that day to let me know why it's a negative to my grandson coming to live us. I never received that phone call. My daughter told me in the court report it stated the reason, my wife is disabled, we are on benefits and we struggle to get things. My wife is extremely upset by this, her disabilities do not stop her from helping look after a 6 year old, she now feels guilty and annoying as she is being discriminated against, we are on benefits but as for struggling to get things in that is a lie the CS worker added in, she knows our eldest daughter lives with us and has a permanent job, she buys a few hundred pounds worth of groceries every month, our cupboards are never empty. This next part is only speculation but I truly believe the real reason is because I got angry with the CS worker, I told her I can see what she's doing and she's making a mistake, I said separation isn't the answer, staying together and helping them is. Why I believe I'm right about the reason is because the court date was rushed last minute, the CS worker gave everyone around 24 hours notice and then didn't send the solicitors any of the reports until late that night, the court date happened to be on my birthday, that in itself could be just a coincidence but the whole story, which this is a tiny fraction, is filled with "coincidences".

This is not me asking for help, just venting, the whole situation is messed up and it's a situation created by the CS worker, there were 5 happy kids a few weeks ago who have had their worlds turned upside down, their basic human rights violated and at least one of those will probably need some form of therapy or counselling as he has now become violent at the contact sessions.

Dood24
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Apr 11, 2022 4:04 pm

Re: Unfairly rejected as a kinship carer

Post by Dood24 » Wed May 04, 2022 12:05 pm

Hi again, is it right for grandparents not to be allowed to see the grandkids at all? My daughter was told that grandparents would be allowed to see them once a month at the end of the month, that should have happened last Friday, the CS worker told my daughter today that grandparents are not a significant part of the kids lives to be able to see them. Yet again the CS worker has waited until the last minute to inform anyone of things. The paternal grandparents of the 2nd eldest obviously get to see him because he lives with them now and the grandmother and is now a supervisor at the contact meetings my daughter has with her children. Everything again points to the CS worker helping the 2nd eldest's grandparents get full custody of him. The 3rd eldest gets upset because he can't see his paternal grandparents. Every Friday 2 of the boys would stay overnight at my house and I would take them home on the Saturday, it would be the eldest 2 one week, the youngest 2 the next and that was every single week so how we are not classed as a significant part of their lives is beyond me.

I'm far from being an expert but surely the way the CS worker has done things is not right, she's lied, twisted the truth and left out key reports, reports that could have potentially had a positive impact on this case which could have possibly caused a different outcome. I believe she is abusing her power to get the outcome she's wanted from the moment she read my daughters file.

DB182
Posts: 72
Joined: Wed Feb 12, 2020 7:37 pm

Re: Unfairly rejected as a kinship carer

Post by DB182 » Wed May 04, 2022 6:48 pm

Hi dood24
Thats exactly what I got told at the start of my grandson proceedings..I was told contact was only for the parents. I told the social worker that I had played a big part in my grandsons short life..he had a legal guardian because it was going through the court who I contacted to. And he contacted the social worker..I got contact put on the back of my sons which ment I could go and see my grandson on that day to with my son..but I was fighting for my grandson to be place with me as well at the time...maybe you could ask the social worker if there's anyway she could put you on your daughters contact.

Dood24
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Apr 11, 2022 4:04 pm

Re: Unfairly rejected as a kinship carer

Post by Dood24 » Fri May 06, 2022 2:00 pm

Thanks DB182,
At the initial court hearing the judge said grandparents will be able to see the kids for an hour every month, the child services worker then changed that to 30 minutes every month and now she says no to us seeing them as it will disrupt the kids too much. The way the CS worker has gone about this whole case is wrong, I'm sure it is not how child services actually work.

DB182
Posts: 72
Joined: Wed Feb 12, 2020 7:37 pm

Re: Unfairly rejected as a kinship carer

Post by DB182 » Sat May 07, 2022 7:49 pm

Are you involved in the court proceedings or just your daughter...maybe you could ask your daughter to ask her solicitor about it and get some advice for you....if its only temporary why are they stopping you from seeing them....I feel your pain but I also feel the pain of the children who's been use to seeing you...hope you get it sorted.

User avatar
Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 815
Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2011 11:25 am

Re: Unfairly rejected as a kinship carer

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Mon May 09, 2022 10:16 am

Dood24 wrote: Wed May 04, 2022 12:05 pm Hi again, is it right for grandparents not to be allowed to see the grandkids at all? My daughter was told that grandparents would be allowed to see them once a month at the end of the month, that should have happened last Friday, the CS worker told my daughter today that grandparents are not a significant part of the kids lives to be able to see them. Yet again the CS worker has waited until the last minute to inform anyone of things. The paternal grandparents of the 2nd eldest obviously get to see him because he lives with them now and the grandmother and is now a supervisor at the contact meetings my daughter has with her children. Everything again points to the CS worker helping the 2nd eldest's grandparents get full custody of him. The 3rd eldest gets upset because he can't see his paternal grandparents. Every Friday 2 of the boys would stay overnight at my house and I would take them home on the Saturday, it would be the eldest 2 one week, the youngest 2 the next and that was every single week so how we are not classed as a significant part of their lives is beyond me.

I'm far from being an expert but surely the way the CS worker has done things is not right, she's lied, twisted the truth and left out key reports, reports that could have potentially had a positive impact on this case which could have possibly caused a different outcome. I believe she is abusing her power to get the outcome she's wanted from the moment she read my daughters file.
Dear Dood24,

Thank you for your further post.

Children’s services have a legal duty to promote contact between a child in care and their family. This includes grandparents. I would suggest that you read our website pages here and here as it has information about the law and statutory guidance in regards to this. You or your daughter may wish to consider putting in a formal complaint to children’s services and request that contact with your grandchildren is arranged. We have information on our website here about the complaints process.

It may also be helpful to contact your grandchildren’s independent reviewing officer. Their role is to make sure that children’s services are meeting the children’s needs. They have a responsibility to challenge poor social work practice and resolve problems in the care planning process. As such they should be made aware of your wish to have contact with your grandchildren. I would suggest that you send them an email so that your request is put in writing.

Do the children have an advocate? An advocate’s role is to help a child understand what is going on and to make sure that their views are heard. If the children wish to have contact with you then an advocate may be able to help with this. All children in care are entitled to an advocate – it may be a good idea for your daughter to request that an advocate is allocated to the children as soon as possible.
Coram Voice may be able to offer some guidance around this.

I hope that this is of some help. Please do post back again if you have any further questions, or you are welcome to call our free, confidential helpline on 0808 801 0366 (Monday to Friday, 9:30am – 3pm) to speak with an adviser.

Best wishes,
Suzie

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