New to this nightmare

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Posts: 2
Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2021 4:48 pm

New to this nightmare

Post by Oldladyinashoe » Thu Oct 28, 2021 9:16 am

Hi all as title suggests I am new to the nightmare of confusion and having to make life long changes on the spot.
A little over 3 months ago I entered into a verbal arrangement with my daughter to have my grandson who is 5. We were made to believe that the children were going to be taken into care.
Every meeting things seemed to be more important to the point now the social worker does not want my gs to have sleep overs just visitation.
I know where this is going and I will end up with my gd too. I’m lost to what is happing, my emotions are all over the place torn between what will happen to my daughter if this happens and putting my gc first. I know I have to put them first. I am starting the sgo journey now when does the social start helping financially ? How long is the process? Confusing is not the word.
Thank you for reading.

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2011 11:25 am

Re: New to this nightmare

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Wed Nov 10, 2021 5:21 pm

Dear Oldladyinashoe

Welcome to the kinship carers’ forum and thank you for posting.

From in information in your post it appears that you agreed with your daughter to care for your 5-year-old grandson. You have been looking after him for the last 3months.

You mention that your grandson was at risk of going into care if he was not with you. Your grandson’s placement with you can be under different ways:

Firstly, it could be a private arrangement meaning it was arranged by you and your daughter and children’s services/the social worker did not play a significant role in him coming to you. Secondly, if children’s services/the social worker played a major role in his placement with you, then it may be that your grandson should be treated as a looked after child and you receive a fostering allowance.

If it is a private arrangement, which children’s services may say it is, then they do not have to pay an allowance. However, they can provide financial assistance if the child is in need.

Also, since you said that your grandson was at risk of going into care you should have been given clear information by children’s service about the way in which you were to look after him.

Please see information about private arrangement ] and a s.20 voluntary arrangement . If you believe that the way in which your grandson came into your had major children’s services involvement, then you can use this letter. It appears from what you say in your post children’s services is making decisions about the contact your grandson has with his mother and if he is not looked after and it is a private arrangement this should not really happen if they are insisting it, is a private arrangement. I think it would be helpful for you to ask the social worker to explain the legal framework under which you are looking after your grandson.

Please see information here about special guardianship orders. If your grandson is not being treated as a looked after child, then children’s services have a discretion whether they will assess you for a financial payment. It is important that you ask them to assist you to get legal advice about the special guardianship order. Once the order is in place it will be more difficult for you to get payment if not part of the support package.

Here is information about financial support for special guardians.

You may also find it helpful to read here more about kinship care and becoming a kinship foster carer.

If you wish to speak to one of our advisers, please telephone our free confidential advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30am to 3pm Monday to Friday.

I hope you will find this helpful.

Best wishes


Posts: 2
Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2021 4:48 pm

Re: New to this nightmare

Post by Oldladyinashoe » Wed Nov 10, 2021 5:49 pm

Thank you susie for your reply.
The arrangement was a private agreement between my daughter and I.
The social worker is saying if I allow him to visit unsupervised then it will go against me in a sgo although his sister is still living with mum.

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