5 kids ( 2 have autism ) stress caused husband to lash out once what happens next

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Joined: Sat May 16, 2020 11:53 am

5 kids ( 2 have autism ) stress caused husband to lash out once what happens next

Post by MCE78 » Mon May 25, 2020 6:05 pm

So I’ve 5 kids and 2 with autism ( 1 very severe ). We have tried 3 times to get a disabilities social worker but were told not until we reach crisis point we could get one.
Myself mum I work full time ( off furlough ) and hubby been laid off. We have been in full lockdown and not sending them to school or nursery.
We have been coping just but it’s hard going !
Anyway about 3 weeks ago , hubbies sibiling wanted to come and stay with us for weekend. I said no because of isolating and one of kids has asthma. His brother was putting lots of pressure on him and I was nagging I guess saying no he can’t come sticking to my guns and he lashed out and kicked me in thigh ( no mark ) 5 yr old saw also. I was in shock and told him leave !! I felt so isolated as no friends or my dad could come over I called duty social worker and talked through it all and they got me log with police( no charges ) . They said I did right thing ..
Anyway they called me back on the Monday and said we’re closing off as I did right stuff.
My health visitor has been great and we have talked through stuff , I get the impression if I gave him another chance and said if he did again he would be out for good they would be happy with this. I have spoken social also and they said my choice.
I’ve not allowed him back yet and he speaks kids on video call.
He is sorry for what he’s done. I’m so confused and scared do wrong thing. If I did take him back he would have one shot that’s it , but I don’t want to lose my kids at same time.

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Robin D
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Joined: Sat Aug 21, 2004 12:58 pm

Re: 5 kids ( 2 have autism ) stress caused husband to lash out once what happens next

Post by Robin D » Tue May 26, 2020 10:23 am

Hi MCE28.

I am sorry to hear of your difficult situation. Unfortunately you have posted in the wrong forum. Please go to https://www.frg.org.uk/ParentsForum/ and repost your query there.

Good luck. Robin
Former F&F carer, foster carer, adopter and respite carer for umpteen children. Now retired and when with kids, making sure they 'go home' at the end of the day.

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2011 11:25 am

Re: 5 kids ( 2 have autism ) stress caused husband to lash out once what happens next

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Wed Jun 10, 2020 2:00 pm

Dear MCE78

My name is Suzie, online adviser at Family Rights Group. I see from your post that you are a parent going through a difficult time at present. As Robin pointed out in response to your post you should have posted on the parents’ discussion forum.

You are having such a stressful time at the moment, I have decided to respond here to your post but ask that you post on the parents’ forum in future.

It is very concerning that with two children with a disability your local authority disabilities team have informed you that you need to be at crisis point to get help and support. I think it is very important that you ask them to provide you with a copy of their assessment criteria with an explanation of why your children do not meet it. Children should not have to be in crisis to get support.

Also, as your children have disabilities they should be assessed as children in need and offered appropriate support. I suggest you make contact with children’s social care ask that they carry out a child in need assessment of your children and the family as a whole. Please read our advice sheet Family support which should give you a better understanding of child in need and family support.

Regarding the incident with your husband, the circumstances in your home life, appear to have exacerbated by the current Covid-19 lock down and your wish to keep your children and yourself safe. It is unfortunate, that your husband and his extended family do not have the same level of concern especially taking account of your child’s vulnerability because of asthma. I am pleased that your health visitor has been supportive. Lock down has caused a lot of family more stresses than normal but, it appears, that you have tried to get appropriate help and support from the children’s school.

Children’s services have now closed their case and have not given you (or none in your post), any indication that they would be concerned if your husband returned to the family home. It is of course your choice if you wish him to do so. However, I suggest you have a discussion with the social worker concerned, even though you have been told it is your choice, whether they would want to be involved again in your husband returned. It must be very difficult for you with 5 children on your own but you do not want to do anything without being sure what children’s services view of the situation would be if he returned.

It may be that they accept it is a one off incident and you acted appropriately but usually domestic violence is taken seriously because of the impact of the children in the family. Please read our information booklet here

Just to clarify the situation regarding your children, children’s services cannot legally remove your children from your care without agreement or a court order. The only way a child can be removed would be by the police for a period of 72 hours and only where the child is at risk of immediate harm.

It may also be help if you also read our advice sheet An introductory guide to Children’s Services for more information about what happens when children’s services receives a referral and the possible outcomes

Should you wish to speak to an adviser, please telephone our free confidential advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30am to 3pm Monday to Friday (except Bank Holidays).

I hope you find this helpful.

Best wishes


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