Just feel so desperate

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Nannygems
Posts: 23
Joined: Sun Apr 30, 2017 12:17 pm

Just feel so desperate

Post by Nannygems » Tue Apr 09, 2019 10:16 am

4 of my grandsons were taken into care April 2017.
The youngest 2 i have not seen since the day they were taken.
All 4 are in separate foster homes.
Its killing me that i cannot see them, my heart is just broken and im not coping.
I have fought for 2 years reaching out to many but without success . I complained to the ombudsman, no joy there.
I complained to social care complaints who passed the case to the manager of the team that took the children. This of course wae s a complete waste of time as all he replied was the names of the judges and the procedures taken. He did not answer any of the questions i put to them.
I have 8 grandchildren 4 of which were taken into care they are all brothers.
My other grandchildren of both my sons i see regular ,but i feel so guilty spending time and having fun when i dont get to see my daughters 4.
I feel social services think im not a go mum and grandmother. I am and my children had a wonderful upbringing and i live for my grandchildren. I have always been a big part in their lives and hate that im no longer. The 4 that are in care only have myself as a grandparent as i divorced after 38 years and my x hasnt seen them for years. Their other Grandparents both passed away in the past 10 years, grandfather to cancer and grandmother to brain haemorrhage.
Im in my 60,s and not good health and never leave the house in 3 years. Because i cannot go to the contact centre i dont see the children and its slowly killing me.
Has anyone any suggestions please i dont know where to turn.

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 777
Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2011 11:25 am

Re: Just feel so desperate

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Wed Apr 17, 2019 10:30 am

Dear Nannygems

Thank you for your post. I am very sorry to hear about the distress you are experiencing as you are not able to see your grandsons who are in foster care.

You mention that you cannot go to the contact centre due to health problems – is this the only reason that contact is not happening? What did the court decide about contact at the end of the care proceedings? You are worried that children’s services do not view you as a good mother and grandmother – has this also affected decisions about contact?

Contact is always based on what is in the children’s best interests. Contact should have been fully considered during the court case but it should also be reviewed regularly when the children’s Looked After Children reviews are held.

We have a helpful advice sheet on contact with children in care which sets out what family members can do to try to have contact with children who are in foster care. Do take a look at this as it explains both about trying to negotiate with the children’s social worker and with their Independent Reviewing Officer (IRO) and also about going to court to try to get to see the children, if need be.

The first thing to do is to clarify what the court decided about contact.

If practicalities are the only reason contact is not happening then you should think about suggestions that you could put forward to children’s services which might make it possible. If you are a registered disabled person or can get supporting evidence about your condition you could share this with children’s services and make a proposal about how contact could take place safely in your home for them to consider. Or could there be indirect contact in some way?

However, if contact is not agreed due to concerns that it is not consistent with the children’s welfare you would need to find out and try to understand why this is and what you can do about it, including asking for a new assessment if possible.

If you cannot work things out with children’s services you would need to apply to court and you would first need to get permission. Please see part 3 of the advice sheet linked above which explains how the court makes decisions about contact.

Do you have any support to help you with the loss you are experiencing? You could discuss with your GP if there is any emotional support you could have to help you at this time.

I hope this is some help.

With best wishes

Suzie

Nannygems
Posts: 23
Joined: Sun Apr 30, 2017 12:17 pm

Re: Just feel so desperate

Post by Nannygems » Wed Jun 12, 2019 9:40 am

I was down as a contact with the courts. Yes it is because i cannot go to the contact centre why i dont get to see them. Social Services are aware of my health problems but done nothing.

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 777
Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2011 11:25 am

Re: Just feel so desperate

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Mon Jul 29, 2019 4:09 pm

Dear Nannygems

I am sorry for not posting a reply to the additional information you provided. As stated in our advice sheet Contact with children in care (page 4) Children’s Services must ‘try to promote contact’ and from what you have previously said they may say that they have tried.

However (and this is a long shot) given your specific needs it may be possible that you could ask Children’s Services to consider your request with respect to the Equality Act of 2010 and the Equality Duty. I hope this information helps.

Best wishes

Suzie

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