Don't know which way to turn

[wooley]

Hi
This is my first post and i am sure it won't be my last, i am desperate for some advice. I have a daughter who is 29and has been a drug addict for the last 10 years. mainly amphetamine but also ketamin,cocain and GHB. My daughter lived with me until a year ago when i decided i could not put up with her behaviour anymore and could not let her daughter see the effects that her drugs were having on her..She has a 3 year old who is still living with me. My daughter has been sectioned 4 times in the last 4 years under the mental health act whilst withdrawing from these substances, she also used right through her pregnancy. Social Services put my granddaughter on the at risk register and said that she was not to be removed from our home without informimg them, but that was when she was born the order has expired by now. My daughter also has a criminal record i.e. in the last year she has been charged with assault twice and also shop lifting.I know my daughter loves her child but i am so afraid for my grandaughter, i have encouraged contact between them only when my daughter seems "normal" when she is ovbiously high i refuse to leave her see her.Many other things have happened where my granddaughter has been put at risk because of my stupidity in believing my daughter was clean.My daughter is now threatening me to take her daughter away and not let me see her anymore unless i give her back to her, but i know she is still taking ghb which renders her unconcious for long periods.I have spoken to SS but they say that as long as my granddaughter is with us they will not interfere. i am so worried i know my daughter uses her perscribed medication to mask the effects of her drug use, if she can fool me after all this time what chance have SS got of seeing how she really is.I am walking on egg shells trying to protect my granddaughter and keep my daughter happy, i cannot leave her alone with her.We have caught her three times already since Friday unconcious through taking these drugs, but i know how clever she can be she can even make me believe that i am making it all up just to keep grandaughter with me. I am frightened if i go to a solicitor she will carry out her threat and take her daughter away please someone help me

wooley

[just a mum]

hi and welcome to the board
i think u may be able to get a residence order for your grandchild if she has lived with u for a year it used to be three but i think that has changed there r people on here that will have more knowledge about these things ok , can u see a solictor i would u must put the safety of ur gc before ur daughter hard yes but so true ur daughter is making her own chioces in life now u sound like u r doing a grand job already do not fear because if the child was removed u must contact ss sraight away ring the helpline first thing tomorrow they r very good and will point u in the right direction however no u r her welcome to the family its tough noone told us it would be easy but we keep going
big hugs justamum [:)]

[aimilgray]

i would definately get into court asap and get iro that secures her for now then go for the fulkl residency dont worry hun your not alone your storey is the same as many and we all gain strength from one another good luck to you x

[Auntie Lynsey]

Wooley,

I am not an expert, but I think you have been like many of us, who have lived that way of life for so long that it becomes almost normal to us, and we don't realise how bad it looks to everyone else. Believe me, as an outsider looking in, from what you have described, you have an excellent case and could go to a solicitor straight away and apply for some sort of order...residency for example, where your daughter would not be able to just remove your grandaughter from the home.

I don't think it would be easy to get the SS interested since whilst you are there to care for the child, the child is being cared for. I think they would become interested if your daughter removed her, however I know exactly what you are saying about seeing through her addiction.

It took 4 years of reporting concerns to SS before my sisters children were finally taken into safety. In my experience, some SW's are easily manipulated so can understand your concerns.

Again I am not an expert on these things but I know how you feel, and truly I think you could get some security for you and GD.

[Help 1870]

Hiya, and welcome to the forum.

Id too would suggest you ring the advice line tomorrow, the number is,
0808 801 0366 Monday-friday 10am-3-30pm
It gets busy so keep trying, they are very good.

How was your GD placed with you? is there any legal orders such as a Residence order in your favour or a Care order?

I would also suggest you keep a diary? dates, times, how your daughter was, high/sober/unconcious, any threats she makes.

For you GD's protection, if no order is in force then you must inform SS straight away of what shes saying, and also take legal advice as soon as you possibly can.

[wooley]

Thhank you all so much i just feel so alone at the moment. My grandaughter has lived with us since she was born, my daughter was a really great mum for the first year then things went down hill i had to ask her to leave after an incident at my home when after a lot of pressure from my daughter to allow her then boyfriend to stay the night. It was around 2 am when i could hear the baby crying, i waited not wanting to interfere but i then heared a loud thud, i knocked on the bedroom door, no answer but i could still here the baby crying, i went in and found the baby on the floor she was 18 mths old and had climbed out of her cot my daughter and her boyfriend were completley out of it, i couldn't wake them, to cut a long story short i had to lock myself in the bathroom with the baby, because my husband managed to wake my daughter who is very aggresive whilst on these drugs she then decided to walk out it was 3am and she wanted to take the baby with her i told her to wait until the morning but she went any way with her boyfriend .Didn't see her for a week then she would visit but she was so zonked she said on Valium that i could not leave her alone with the child. This is just one incident there are mamy many more i am just frightened what she will do if i involve a solicitor. I have just changed my grandaughters school just to keep my daughter happy although it means that i have to travel ann extra 7 miles a day and she was so settled in her original schoo;, but i can't take the threats for much longer. I have so much crashing around my head it is driving me mad

wooley

[Auntie Lynsey]

Please see a solicitor. You may wonder why you did not do it long ago and I'm sure that step will seem like a great weight off your shoulders. Maybe SS could provide some funding to provide security for your GD. When you get the security, you will find more time to keep yourself and gd happy rather than placating your daughter....though this still happens to some degree.

[yogibear]

Hello Wooley, I hope everything calms down soon for you and your gd. If your daughter has been sectioned four times and been arrested for violence, I don't think it will make any difference how good she is at manipulating. My daughter would easily win an award. ( I fall for it to). My thoughts are with you all.
Ps.... the people on here are real helpful.

Of all the things I've lost. I miss my mind the most.

[Kate]

Hi and welcome, wooley, you are among friends here.

I agree with others who advise you to ring the FRG helpline and to see a solicitor. And to keep a diary as Help advises. Keep it accurate and factual, ie not your own feelings or interpretation of events, e.g you gave a good factual account of the events on the night when you had to lock yourself in the bathroom with your granddaughter. A diary would back up the need for you to have a court order, such as a residency order, so that your daughter has no legal right to remove your granddaughter from your home and your care.

Ask the helpline whether they think you should write to SS with your concerns, reminding them that your g/d was on the at risk register and recapping the events at that time, and stating that your daughter is now threatening to take your g/d away. Give factual reasons why you fear for your g/d/s safety if this were to happen. You have made a very strong case here for the need for her to stay in your care.

[old bear]

hi wooley, and welcome to this site ~ you are truly not alone.
i think everyone's given some very good advice ~ the only thing i'd add really depends on how urgent you think things have become, and how serious your daughter's threat to take her daughter away from you. only you can tell ~ but you may have to take urgent action tomorrow morning.
if you see a solicitor and are worried about your daughter finding out, you can get them to send any letters to a friend's address ~ or you can collect from their office.
i think it's always helpful to know where you stand, what solicitors can do for you, what social services would do for you, etc.
if things are really urgent, solicitors can go for an emergency injunction to prevent your daughter from coming to your house or anywhere near your daughter. if you read past posts on this site you'll see that some of us have to call police to our houses ~ not fun, but sometimes has to be done.
i think you've already got a lot of evidence on your side, but has anyone else seen your daughter in her unconscious state? that might help convince social services/solicitor/judge.
and keep posting, we're here for you.
sending you strength to care for your granddaughter and yourself.
old bear