Ending an sgo!

[Helpneeded]

Hi, I’m just looking for some advice. I have had my nephew living with me for 10 years but the placement has broken down, I have begged the social services for help but they refuse until the sgo is dissolved & say I have to go to court to remove the order. Has anyone been successful in ending an sgo?

[Robin D]

Welcome to this forum. So sorry to hear a 10 year placement has broken down. We were not special guardians but had a similar situation when a placid child turned into a violent and angry teenager. It's emotionally draining.

I am frankly stunned that Children's Services refuse to help as they have a duty to assist any child in need, and also to support existing placements. Do you have that in writing?

I wonder if it's because a Special Guardian has 'enhanced' PR in that you can exercise it to the exclusion of others and they are concerned that you will not let go with decision making?

Either way, and before @Suzie is able to pop in and give better advice, I would start a formal complain with Childrens Services. You can get help on this by reading the advice sheets at https://frg.org.uk/get-help-and-advice/what/complaints/.

Best wishes .... Robin

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Hi, I’m just looking for some advice. I have had my nephew living with me for 10 years but the placement has broken down, I have begged the social services for help but they refuse until the sgo is dissolved & say I have to go to court to remove the order. Has anyone been successful in ending an sgo?

Dear Helpneeded

Welcome to the kinship care discussion forum and thank you for posting.

My name is Suzie, online adviser at Family Rights Group and will respond to your post. I am sorry that you have experienced difficulties with children’s services to the extent that the placement of 10 years has now broken down.

It appears from your post that children’s services have refused to provide you with help until the special guardianship order is discharged. As stated by the poster responding to your post, children’s services have a responsibility to children in their area who are in need. Have you asked them to carry out child in need assessment which would be a way to offer appropriate support to the child and family as a whole. It is always best to put any request to children’s services in writing and ask for a written response.

Here is information about child in need which you may find useful.

To end a special guardianship order would require you to apply to the court to have the order discharged. If you make the application, I think the court would be interested to know what support the child and you have received. Does the child have any additional needs? You have not given information regarding the issues which led to the breakdown of the placement. If children’s services had safeguarding concerns for the child in your care, they could remove him with or without your agreement.

Have you sought support through the special guardianship support services at your local authority? All local authority should have special guardianship support services.

You also wish to seek support from other kinship care groups. Here is a link to information and map on our website. As I do not know your local area, you can check for your closest group.

From your post, you consider the placement to have broken down, but if you believe with support it could continue, I suggest you ask for a child in need assessment. You could also consider the poster’s suggestion of making a formal complaint. Please see information from our website about complaints HERE

Only the court can discharge the special guardianship order but it should not be a prerequisite to you receiving services or support from children’s services.

I hope you find this information helpful.

Best wishes

Suzie

[Helpneeded]

The placement broke down early last year as my nephew got in contact with his mum, from that point he wanted his mum & would scream in my face, would shout daily about it & has started smoking weed & stealing off my children. The social services offered him counselling last year but nothing ever came of it. He is now living with a friend & has done for the past 3-4 months. The social services are aware of this & said it’s acceptable for him to be with a friend as they can’t help with an sgo in place, I would have to dissolve that before they can help! I have cried on the phone to the social services & they still refuse to help with him. I asked for restbite care & they refuse as he’s not a child in foster care. The whole system has failed.

[Robin D]

Hello again.

Could I ask how old your nephew is now please? You say he had been with you for 10 years. I assumed earlier that me was therefore a teenager. While the actual age is not significant, the point comes where the child is deemed able to make their own decisions. Certainly once a child gets to 15/16, in my experience social workers tend to leave them wherever they are currently staying provided basic checks are made on the safety of the child, and the "friend's" parent is happy to have them. Sadly, once youngsters of that age, make their minds up, there is frankly not much anyone can do about it. It is horrible watching a child you have cherished appear to throw it all away and reject everything you have done for them. Sadly it happens with children in a lot of families, but those with a disrupted background are apparently much more likely to be very challenging teenagers.

The need for Mum (or Dad) is something that frequently causes issues among teenagers in an alternative care situation. We have seen time and again that while we have tried support contact, it has broken down between birth parent and child because the parent isn't reliable, can't be bothered, or finds contact too painful (although they rarely admit the latter). The child then builds a picture of what they want the parent to be and will secretly wish to be with the absent parent. When the opportunity arises, both parent and child will welcome the contact, but it's all or nothing, and invariably it breaks down meaning the child gets yet another rejection, and usually thinks its because there is something wrong with them. So the bravado, and often anger, comes out as that covers their own emotions. They reject the people who have cared because they don't want you to care, they want their parent to care.

I have no answers to those conundrums despite about 30 years experience of trying to get numerous children through their teenage years. We personally have had at least half of the eight 'semi-permanent' children we cared for leave home under similar circumstances, of which the bulk were chasing birth parents. It was all wonderful for a while until the birth parents of course let them down and by then the damage is done. Pride will not let them admit their mistake, but over time, they all got back in contact with us, although two of those have been on-off relationships even as adults. All you can do is be there in a non-judgemental way as and when he needs you, if you are able.

I was having a coffee with a child we cared for, now in their mid 20's, only last week. He asked 'Why couldn't my mum look after me when I was young so I had to live with you'? He has found out the hard way several times that his mum is aggressive and unpredictable and always puts her needs first. Their relationship is volatile to say the least. I struggled to answer that question without damning her, but without painting her as an angel either.

In your situation I would start a formal complaint with Childrens Services. As Suzie says, there is no legal requirement for the SGO to be revoked before the Local Authority can (and should) help. Could I respectfully suggest you re-read carefully Suzie's earlier response along with the linked documents on children in need assessments and complaints.

I send you my very best wishes (for what they are worth!) and hope you can find adequate support for your nephew, and indeed yourself. Hopefully you can find a way to opening some line of communication with him. He will be needing you, although may not recognise that for some years to come unfortunately. He will also have feelings of guilt about what he has put you through although again, may not recognise those feeling for what they are.

[Helpneeded]

Hi Robin d, I have now put the paperwork into the courts to get the ball rolling for ending the sgo. My nephew is 14 years old will be 15 in may. His mum has now offered drug tests weekly & has said she will do parenting courses so she can have him home. The friend he is staying with is no good for him as they smoke weed together but the social services are not interested in that. The lady my nephew is staying with has said she can’t have him much longer but social services still won’t help as they say the sgo stops them helping.

I feel like children’s services have let us down massively & if they gave us the help we asked for then it probably wouldn’t have got this bad. He

I will put in a formal complaint to children’s services as they still refuse any help..

[Robin D]

Whatever the legal position, he is currently a child in need and Children's Services cannot simply refuse to help.

Were I in your shoes, I would be contacting my local councillor and ask them to intervene to get him some proper help. Or perhaps call the NSPCC and ask if they would refer it as a child in need whom you are no longer able to help.

Robin