Looking for advice

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Joined: Mon Oct 16, 2017 12:32 pm

Looking for advice

Post by Vgjk22 » Mon Nov 06, 2017 8:33 pm

Hi i have just recently joined this forum and i am looking for advice, social services has recently placed my child on the child protection register for emotional abuse due to myself and my ex partner having many rows in the past and quite alot of police calls but this was a while ago and my daughter was not involved in these, but only that her father brought her to me and then a verbal argument took place. Anyway the believe i am not being open and honest about my relationship with the father and there is a restraining order in place with myself and him from preveous issues. I woulf like to remove the restraining order for us to be able to facilitate contact etc. As at the moment we have nobody to facilitate it. They are pushing me to go back to court as i went before and there id a court order that he sees the child every week through my mother but they are saying for this not to happen. I am happy for it to happen and my ex partner has never ever been a risk toward anyone in his life. I am just woundering if the restraining order was to be dropped if they can d anything further? And should i just allow the contact arrangement that is still in place to carry on? Any advice would be great, i feel they have punnished me as i did not tell them i was thinking of my relationship to re start with my ex even though i did not follow this through so felt no need to say anything.

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2011 11:25 am

Re: Looking for advice

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Fri Nov 10, 2017 5:04 pm

Dear vgjk22,

Welcome to Family Rights Group. You should really post on the Parents forum here .
However, I will answer the questions you have raised now.

You say that you are separated from dad and he has a contact order. This involved him collecting and returning your daughter from grandmothers home. You also got a restraining order out on him, because he was abusing you when he dropped your child home after contact. You had called the police on many occasions, and your child may have witnessed the violence.

However, it sounds like things have changed in your relationship. You say that your exe is not a danger to anyone. But children services do not agree. They have placed your child’s name on a child protection plan. This means that the conference suspects that your child is still at an ongoing risk of harm (or in danger of being harmed) due to you not protecting your child from dad’s behaviour.
Before you take any legal steps to remove the restraining order, I strongly advise you to email the social worker and ask her to set out in writing why she thinks he is still dangerous to your child.

If you were to allow your child contact with dad against the social workers advice, they are likely to be concerned that you are putting dad’s needs before your child and are not able to protect your child from domestic violence.
If they thought your child might be in danger, they could take court proceedings to remove your child from you.

So I strongly advise you to cooperate with the social worker.

See these FAQ’s about child protection and domestic violence.

It maybe that dad has not cooperated with the social worker. This would mean that even if he is no longer risky, children services will never know and will always assume the worse, that he is still capable of being violent to you.
Why are you so sure that he is safe? Has he completed any courses to help him with his abusive behaviour?

Have you been offered domestic violence support such as an independent domestic violence advocate who can help you? There are also courses, such as the freedom programme which can help.

I urge you not to take any steps that may make it less safe for you and your child without first speaking to a domestic violence advocate or women’s aid or your social worker.

If you have any questions, please post again or call our advice line on 0808 801 0366.

Best wishes,


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