update/contact.

[mick1950]

hi all,i have not been on much since my daughter passed away in feb.2010.following her death,the father of my 10 year old g/s refused to retourn him for his mother,s funeral(following his fortnightly access).the day before the funeral we were in court to get an order for his immediate retourn.there then followed a bitter and costly series of court cases till we obtained residency.(dad who is a waster got legal aid).we have since endured 16 months of threats and intimidation from him and his father.they were,against g/s wishes, given contact 4 weekends out of 5 and half of all school holidays.g/s has eppilepsy like his mother,but they refuse to accept this,causing all sorts of trouble with his doctors.at school g/s changed from being a happy caring boy to a playground bully.in august,i contacted s/s,as i was worried about change in g/s,and about the fact that he was not being given his medication when with his dad.s/w came to see g/s without our presence.afterwards she told us that even though contact was by court order,g/s had made a number of complaints against his dad and dad,s new wife,we were no longer to insist on him going to see his dad.needless to say we are now receiving all sorts of threats from solicitors,and directly from his dad,and the other grandfather,who now resides in the phillipines with his 22 year old wife.we have however full support from s/s,the school and the doctors when it goes back to court.the problem we have is that we are already in debt from the last series of court cases,and now we have to borrow thousands of pounds again.strange justice,but we will overcome this i,m sure.wish us luck.xxp.p.s.g/s has refused contact since august.

[Cellbar]

Hi

Have you requested legal support/assistance on behalf of your grand child - I have heard that in some cases, legal aid can be granted for the child himself, especially if they are in this sort of situation, and he is making his own mind up not to maintain contact.

Just a thought but you can always contact the legal aid centre and ask them, but a solicitor may also be able to advise you on this.

Good luck.

[David Roth]

Welcome back to the forum, mick1950.

I'm sorry to hear about the difficult time you've been having. The contact issue must be a lot to deal with, when you are already having to deal with the loss of your daughter.

If there is a contact order which sets contact at a level which is not good for the child, then it will be best to take it back to court, rather than being seen to defy the court order. You could ask for the order to be changed to a lower level, or even for it to be discharged altogether.

If you wanted the court to do away with the contact order altogether, I would suggest that you would need to show that you are not opposed in principle that to your grandson having contact, but you should have the discretion to say how much contact and what sort will be best for your grandson. If the court accepts that you are going to act responsibly, and allow some contact while bearing in mind the child's welfare, then they might do away with the order.

The alternative as I said is for the level of contact to be reduced, to a level that will be right for the child. If a court welfare officer is appointed, then it will be helpful to have all the professionals you listed supporting your case.

[mick1950]

thankyou david.we have offered daily contact(where g/s is retourned after days out with his father),but this offer has been ignored.we considered us taking issue back to court,but solicitor said that we should not have to pay out to file the application,but to wait till dad gets his legal aid,and takes it back to court.

[mick1950]

hi everyone,we went back to court january3rd,but dad had sacked his solicitor,so hearing cancelled as dad,s legal aid did not transfer to his new solicitor.we went back to court on march5th,but due to s/w report,and the fact that dad would not divulge his new address the judge would not reinstate contact order.we offered weekly contact,albeit supervised,alternately by us and by dad,s mum,but dad refused this.
consequently no order was made,and we have to go back in june,after cafcas reports,and there may be a full hearing in july.dad is certainly living up to his original threat to put us in severe debt.i know we have the support of all the professionals,but that doesn,t pay off the bank loans i have had to take out.
in conclusion though,i will not force g/s to go on contact when he is adamant he does not want it.afterall,i am only losing money,dad,by his appauling behaviour is in danger of losing his son.yet he does not seem to care.

[David Roth]

mick1950, I know it can be stressful when court cases are protracted, but it sounds as if this is at least going as well as you and your grandson would want. At least the matter of contact has been placed in your hands, and you are consulting your grandson and listening to his wishes.

I would just suggest that you make some notes when you talk to him about contact - make a record as soon as you can afterwards about the discussions, including the reasons grandson gives you for not wanting to see his dad. Even though he does not want to see his dad now, he may feel differently in the future, and it would be important that you would be open to the contact taking place, provided it was what he wanted and it could be done safely for him.

At least for the moment the court has put you in charge of the contact, which is probably a pretty good indicaction of the way the court is thinking.

[mick1950]

thankyou for replying david.that,s the way i was seeing things.fingers crossed.

[mick1950]

cafcass officer has been.she was very nice,and even she said we must not force g/s to go.she also said it would be irresponsible to send g/s when dad refusing to give us an address.so i think we will remain very possitive.

[Kate]

Glad to hear this Mick, keep on updating us won't you.

[mick1950]

will do kate.we have now had a solicitors letter saying dad is objecting to ours and g/s choice of secondary school.whatever we do,he threatens us with court action.surely there comes a time when the legal/legal aid people should realise what he is doing and put an end to it.g/s has even told the cafcass officer he feels no love for his dad......how sad is that?