Urgent advice - child protection conference

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At a loss
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Joined: Thu Jun 18, 2020 8:25 pm

Urgent advice - child protection conference

Post by At a loss » Fri Jun 19, 2020 3:31 pm

I am looking for advice as we have an ICPC next week due to altercations that have happened between my husband and 15 year old son. We have Always struggled with boundaries and as he has got older he has pushed more and more and become more violent. We have tried getting help for many years for us all, early help workers, social workers etc but feel they have let us down. Over the last year it has been constant calls to the police, him being involved with drink, drugs, going missing and associating with people carrying weapons. The last altercation resulted in me phoning the police due to him attacking my husband. My husband did restrain him but not hit him. Basically we can no longer have him at home and we have fortunately been given the opportunity for him to live permanently with a family member.

Even though this arrangement has been made and there have been absolutely no concerns about my younger child it is going to ICPC. The report is just all based on allegations made over the years by my son but nothing to show what we have tried to put in place or what as a family we have experienced. There is quite a lot on the report that is inaccurate including an incident that didn’t even take place (we can prove with dates). I just wondered if people had experienced this and what advice they can offer etc.

It feels like a nightmare that just never ends! I really want to defend ourselves so to speak and get our son the help he needs but I also don’t want to get on their nerves and don’t want it resulting in a CPO. What is best?

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Robin D
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Joined: Sat Aug 21, 2004 1:58 pm

Re: Urgent advice - child protection conference

Post by Robin D » Fri Jun 19, 2020 6:19 pm

Hi At a loss and welcome.

So sorry to hear of your experience with your 15 year-old, but believe me, you are far from alone. We too had a violent boy in the home and it sadly ended up with him leaving our care after he assaulted us both many times. The police had to be called on many occasion and he was arrested several times. We too had been begging for help for years getting nowhere with CAMS or SS. At one point we were put in touch with a rapid response team at SS who told us we could ring 24x7 for help as we didn't want to press charges and give the lad a criminal record. The only time we called them was when I was in plaster after an operation, he attacked me, we called. Lots of promises but no actual response although the police then turned up even though we had not called them. When we later asked why, we were told that the SW was the only one working and for health and safety reasons, they couldn't attend alone in case he attacked them!

He then ran away, was found and put himself into care and they called a CPCC where effectively it was all our fault! Four lots of professional foster parents could do nothing with him, and when he absconded from the last one, they put him back with us as they had nowhere else to put him.

To answer your question though about the accuracy of the report, please do challenge it or it will come back to haunt you in years to come. We have recently been re-interviewed by the police about an 'incident' that took place 37 or 38 years ago. It was investigated fully in 1996 as part of a family court case to do with our grandchildren, and shown to be based on an event but very different to that described. No action taken as it was seen as part of her throwing every allegation imaginable to detract attention away from herself when under scrutiny. The girl concerned (now in her 50's) has recently been undergoing counselling to deal with the really serious abuse she herself experienced before she came into our care, and has again complained of that same 'incident' despite the allegation being different to the way she described it in 96. In interview, the police initial attitude was that we were probably guilty as we had not bothered to get the the SW report corrected at the time when it written. No interest at all in the assaults by her on us and many others, or the 96 conclusion by the same police force that it didn't even warrant investigation.

Three serious tips though:
1. Never, ever, throw anything away that shows what happened, who said what etc. We are fortunate that we have records that the authorities have lost that helps indicate our recollection and version of events is the more accurate but it's still very stressful. We are both 70 this year and could do without the hassle of proving SS records incomplete, inaccurate or downright wrong. The problem is that SW are under pressure and many notes are by necessity a precis' of what took place. SW then change and those notes will be read very differently to the person who wrote them.
2. Always write down any inaccuracies and send them to the director of childrens services requesting they be put on the file. Make sure you always keep a copy.
3. Keep a very good diary. Who said what, who came when, incidents etc. It's a chore but if your son does turn nasty, you will be sooooooo grateful you made the effort.

You have our utmost sympathy in dealing with this. Child assault on adult is slowly being recognised, but the authorities still start from the basis that if someone says something happened to them as a child, it's got to be true.

Good luck .... Robin
Former F&F carer, foster carer, adopter and respite carer for umpteen children. Now retired and when with kids, making sure they 'go home' at the end of the day.

At a loss
Posts: 2
Joined: Thu Jun 18, 2020 8:25 pm

Re: Urgent advice - child protection conference

Post by At a loss » Sat Jun 20, 2020 5:58 pm

Hello Robin

Thank you so much for taking the time to give me such a lengthy reply. I think part of our failing and what will go against us is that we didn’t really call the police when he was being violent towards us just mainly when he was going missing etc. Our early help worker had suggested we call them every time but it’s quite hard when you are trying to stop an attack on you and keep a younger child safe.

I have found 2 reports, one from an assessment done last year due to another allegation which was down graded to local support. What tends to happen is he kicks off threatening serious harm and or hitting my husband, does a runner and tells anyone who will listen than he has been attacked. This last report states he claimed he has been hit around the head several times but no marks were found etc. Almost all of the ICPC report has been poorly copied from this but only including the allegations and not the findings or outcomes?!
The second report I have found is our early help worker making a referral to youth offending team which is very detailed with our own concerns and fears for our safety.
I will list all the mistakes, the SW visited the school which she has dated for this year but then copied all of the previous report! For example the school last time said he had no behaviour points where as when she visited the school recently he has hundreds but this hasn’t been included as it’s a direct copy of a previous report.

So as I said I will list the inconsistencies but should I also let them know what we have done to get help and the things listed in the YOT report which include a texting from him saying he is going to stab me and slash my throat 😢 or will they not want me to do that?

Sorry to hear all you have been through, I hope this is now all behind you.

Kind regards

AAL X

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Robin D
Posts: 1985
Joined: Sat Aug 21, 2004 1:58 pm

Re: Urgent advice - child protection conference

Post by Robin D » Sun Jun 21, 2020 8:20 am

I would put it all in, but try to avoid either coming over as a victim, or over doing the comments on his behaviour. Cite a few examples but make it clear they are just a few. Keep it to the facts.

Fair comment to draw comparisons between the old report and the fact it's just been rehashed. Just laziness on their part. Add in the the findings and conclusions, and the second report to show the whole picture.

Best wishes .. Robin
Former F&F carer, foster carer, adopter and respite carer for umpteen children. Now retired and when with kids, making sure they 'go home' at the end of the day.

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