My grandson is now in foster care

[concerned nana]

Hi there, I hope someone can help but think a magic wand may be needed. My daughter (L) gave birth to my beautiful grandson 8 weeks ago. He was subject to a child protection plan due to his father's colourful history, previous domestic violence and his involvement with gang and gun crime. His lifestyle is considered to be a danger to my grandson and I wholly accept this. It was suggested that L and baby be placed in a mother and baby foster place upon his birth. Myself and other family members were given the opportunity for a Family Group Conference where we devised a plan on how to keep baby safe if he and my daughter were to live with us. Children's Services were impressed with our plan and upon his birth and an emergency court hearing it was agreed they could be discharged from hospital to live at the family home. There were strict provisions however in that father could only have supervised contact at a contact centre, either myself or three other family members should be with baby at all times and that the father should not come within 20 yards of the family home. A written court agreement was signed by myself, my daughter, father and my partner. Assessments were to be undertaken upon my daughter and father. My daughter could still have a relationship with the father and she saw him frequently. My daughter is an excellent mother and I was impressed at her ability to care for her baby. She bonded with him and it was clear to all that she thought the world of him. All was going well until during a contact visit the SW asked father if he were under the influence of drugs or alcohol. I truly believe that he was under the influence of cocaine as I suspected this when I saw him at a core group meeting earlier that same week. Following this father disputed that he was the father and asked for a DNA test. All contact was suspended pending the outcome of this. My daughter was distraught and hysterical when father suggested this however agreed to the test. We did not hear anything more about this as it was father's solicitor who was to initiate this. My daughter continued to spend time with father. Assessments were due to start but sadly my daughter invited father to the family home and let him in while we were all sleeping. When this was discovered my daughter at first denied it however CCTV (installed purely because of the situation we were in and to act as a deterrent to this) clearly showed him entering our home at 0230 and leaving at 0400. My daughter reacted angrily and left our home with the baby despite my pleas for her to leave him and go herself. She did not come back with him and I alerted social care. When she did return to the family home some 6 hours later I was not at home, she telephoned me and asked me to return so that I could look after baby while she went to be with father. This angered me greatly and much to my regret I sent her away - once again she took baby. My daughter contacted social care the following day and told them she was at a fictitious address. She contacted them again and they met up with her and baby at her cousins house. Social care by now knew what had caused the argument between myself and my daughter, that she had let father into our home. They questioned her about this but she denied it. Social care were unhappy with her dishonesty and although a family member attended the property with the intention of returning baby to family home as was previously agreed with social care once the family member arrived she was not permitted to do this or to speak with my daughter. Social care said they were waiting for police to arrive. My daughter then left the property with baby and jumped into a waiting car driven by father. They went on the run for 48 hours before handing baby voluntarily to social care. An emergency protection order had been obtained by social care and the guardian. My daughter and her vile boyfriend blame me for the whole situation and are extremely hostile towards me. A court hearing yesterday ruled that baby is to stay in foster care while an application is made for a mother and baby unit. If a placement is not granted baby will continue in foster care until assessments are completed which could take 3 months! I am totally distraught and my heart is broken. I am struggling with the idea that my daughter has lost her son - even if it is only temporarily. I am struggling with not being able to see my grandson, I miss him so much. I am struggling with the fact that my daughter blames me for the situation and I feel so much guilt, despite what everyone says I hate myself. I have just called sw and she says she will call me back to arrange an appointment to see children's services manager. Please help, how do I go about arranging contact - if my daughter won't allow this is there anything I can do?

[Concerned2013]

Hi concerned nana



The Family Rights Group will help you with the above. Contact them as quickly as possible and i mean as quickly as possible as you need professional advice urgently.



phone the freephone advice line: 0808 801 0366 (Opening hours: Monday - Friday 9.30am-3.00pm) excluding Bank Holidays.

[David Roth]

Hi concerned nana, and welcome to the Family Rights Group discussion forum for family and friends carers, and those who are interested in becoming carers.

The situation you have described sounds terribly difficult and upsetting, both for the way you have found yourself at odds with your daughter, and for the loss of contact with our grandson.

You say that a court hearing decided that your grandson was to stay in foster care. Presumably this means that an Interim Care Order was granted, and the local authority are now going through the process of care proceedings. Difficult as it may be, you now have to think about the possible outcomes of these proceedings. In an ideal world, your daughter might separate from her unsuitable boyfriend, and provide your grandson with the loving care which she is capable of. However, from what you have described she has been finding it very hard to stick with the plans that would show she could keep your grandson safe.

When the local authority instigates care proceedings, they are legally obliged to explore whether there are other family members or friends who could raise the child if the parents would be unable to do so. It sounds as though you might be the first person they would turn to for this, as you have been the relative who has been most involved until now. However, I would suggest that if you do want to be considered then you should check with the social workers that they are going to assess you as potential carers for the child. It is really important to get onto this as quickly as possible, as the length of time allowed for care proceedings has been shortened to six months (unless there are exceptional circumstances), so it is really important if you do want to be considered that the assessment starts as soon as possible. Being assessed doesn't mean you are competing with your daughter for the baby (although she might see it that way) - it means that you will be the fall-back option if her assessment doesn't work out. It is what is called parallel planning, where the local authority explores its first and second options at the same time.

As long as the local authority are still pursuing a plan for the baby to go to his mother, then the main focus of his family contact is going to be with her. However, you have been such an important part of his life until now that it is reasonable to ask that you have some level of contact as well - unfortunately, your poor relationship with your daughter means that it would probably be impossible for you to share any of her contact sessions, so yours will be seen as an additional contact arrangement. In speaking to the social workers about your contact, I would suggest that you stress why you think it would be in the baby's best interests, and not just your own feelings, although of course these are important too. The baby has been very used to your presence, and local authorities are supposed to try to arrange as much continuity as possible for children entering the care system, so arranging some contact between you and the baby will be meeting his needs.

If you do want to be considered as a carer for the baby, you may want to be joined as a party to the proceedings, which would give you access to the court process and evidence presented.

As ied has said, family relationships can become very difficult in the sort of circumstances you have described. The experience of other family and friends carers has shown that things can become very difficult during the court process, and afterwards if the child goes to you. The support of others who have been through something can similar can be very helpful, so apart from contacting FRG's advice line I would also suggest checking if there is a support group near you that you could attend: http://frg.org.uk/need-help-or-advice/f ... ort-groups

You can also of course continue to discuss your situation on this discussion forum.

[concerned nana]

Thank you for your responses. I have a meeting with social care manager this morning to discuss things. I would dearly love to take over the care of my grandson but the practicalities involved in this seem very difficult and I am struggling with what I should do. I have been with my partner for 12 months, we are both 50. He doesn't want to be carer to my grandson, the main reasons being the disruption this would cause to our lives, our age and the repercussions this would certainly cause from my daughter and her boyfriend. This leaves me with some very difficult decisions in that if I do decide to take over his care I will have to do this alone. I will need to find somewhere to live and relocate to an address unknown to my daughter and her boyfriend. My partner is a wonderful man and I fully understand his feelings. I can't make him do this with me. I will have to consider my job and whether I can continue doing this and child care arrangements.

I have asked the court if I can be made party to proceedings but they say this has to be applied for by either social care or my daughter - is this correct?

I have spoke with FRG advice line and was told to expect my daughter to be unsuccessful in getting her son back.

[Robin D]

I have asked the court if I can be made party to proceedings but they say this has to be applied for by either social care or my daughter - is this correct?

No... its not right.

You need to complete form C2 (unless things have recently changed.) This can be downloaded from http://www.justice.gov.uk/downloads/for ... b_0414.pdf but to be honest, the best way is to go into the court office (or any family or county court office if its a long way away). You will find the staff most helpful, and if need be, they will help you complete the form. A fee is payable and there is a little administration to follow through, but the court office are best placed to advise you.

You basically have to apply for leave to apply. However, it all usually heard at the start of the next hearing, and assuming, its agreed, you can then stay in the courtroom for the rest of the hearing.

There are unfortunately many social workers who actively discourage people from joining as party. You can draw your own conclusions as to why.

Best wishes ..... Robin

[concerned nana]

Today has been a very busy and traumatic day - again! Firstly I met with social care manager who was unable to disclose much to me for reasons of confidentiality and that proceedings are on going in the court. He advised me to get legal advice. I then met with a lady this afternoon who is processing my application for SGO. The process had already started some weeks ago however my partner is unwilling to support me with this application and for me to proceed would mean I do this alone. This has implications on my ability to do this as I would not be able to continue living at my current address, I would need to relocate, there would be financial and emotional issues and due to these and other factors I have been told that I would be unsuccessful in my application for SGO and that the social worker processing this would have to recommend that I would be unsuitable. I was once again urged to seek legal advice. I called a firm of solicitors recommended by my daughter's solicitor but was told that unless I was progressing with assessments for SGO there is nothing they could do for me.

I have tried to maintain relations with my daughter but she is still very angry and blames me for the whole situation. She has stipulated to the court that I am not to have any contact with my grandson.

I feel at a complete loss as to what to do. It seems there is no help available to me and that I am at a dead end. I would be grateful for some help. Thank you Robin for your post and I will go down that route of completing a C2 form. I am concerned though that if I were present in court I would not have any legal representation and would have no voice.

I have been told by the solicitor I spoke with to think about things over the weekend and decide whether or not I do want to proceed with SGO assessments. If I do then they are able to help me. Assessments cannot be done unless my position is clear, i.e until I am living elsewhere. Time is of the essence and each day is a nightmare full of uncertainty and grief. I miss my grandson so much and my only wish is for him to be reunited with his mother.

[Concerned2013]

I am concerned though that if I were present in court I would not have any legal representation and would have no voice.

And that is not how the system should work. The system fails the wider family, who like yourself are more than willing to take over the care of child/children.

Breaks my heart reading these type of situations because we have been there.