Runaway 11 year old

[pal1975]

my wife and i are at a loss to know what to do about 6 weeks ago our eldest child ran away from home at the end of school and went straight to his aunts house who we don't speak to as she has tried to cause trouble in the past .from there he then contacted his grandparents on his mothers side while all this was going on neither the aunt or the grandparents let us know where he was and we eventually found out after the police found out where he was and they said that he would be best off staying there till the morning to calm down we did not then see him untill christmas day as the grandmother is refusing to bring him home he has also made allegations of abuse which the to social worker who we called in has looked into and does not believe that any such thing is happening and as such no social worker involvement is not needed,through all of this happening my mother in law has been told by social services that she needs to work with us get him back home but instead she has been refusing to listen to us and putting my wife down constantly we have told her that she will not be seeing the rest of our children ever again as we cannot trust her or work with her in any way shape or form.on new years eve our son came to visit and we tried talking to him about coming home which he then refused and started to tell us some of the details that she has been telling him like the fact that she has spoken to a social worker from another county who has told her based on what she has said that she would have removed all of the children in our care, after hearing this we turned around and refused for him to go back and which point he erupted with fury but couldn't get out of the house as all the doors had been locked by key at this point my wife spoke to her mother who also erupted and started to kick off after we had finally got the old bag to go away our son calmed down and started to play with his brother and 3 sisters like normal and after a short while he was playing and interacting with us in the meantime the mother in law called the police who when they eventually turned up said they could see no reason for him not being at home other than the risk of him running away again they then took him to another aunts house to stay the night and the next day he returned to his grandmothers as he refused to go elsewhere his grandmother will now not even answer the phone to us so we don't even know how he is and need to get him out of there before she does anymore damage than she already has as she is allowing him to dictate wether or not we can punish him when he does things wrong or even see him and our social worker just keeps telling us to assert our parental rights and responsibilities but as she won't listen to us or take any notice no matter what we say it is making it impossible and we have seen a solicitor whos has started the civil side of things but he says that it could quite easily be very long winded and lengthy please can someone help obviously this is only a small part of the problem as the whole thing is too long to list

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Pal1975,

Thank you for posting on the parents forum. I am sorry that your son has run away from home and that you have been having a difficult time in trying to get help in getting him returned to you.

From your post, I understand that you have parental responsibility for your son-which you share with his mother. Grandmother or aunt will not have parental responsibility unless they have been granted a residence order or special guardianship order by the court. Does anyone else have PR?

As you and your wife have PR, this means you are responsible for the care and wellbeing of your son and can make all the important decisions about your son such as providing a home for your son, choosing the school he attends and consenting to him having medical treatment. If grandmother does not have PR –she cannot do any of these things.
NB if grandmother or aunt (or anyone else) has been to court and has been granted a court order that gives them parental responsibility in respect of your son (such as a residence order)- they will also be able to make these important decisions about your son.
The current circumstances
In theory, you are able to go to grandmothers home and pick up your son and bring him back to your home. However, in practice, this may be difficult if your son does not agree. He may run away again putting himself at risk.
You are also in a difficult position because you seem to have received conflicting advice.
The police have encouraged you to agree to your son going to his aunt’s home. On the other hand, the social worker has been telling you to assert your parental responsibility against the pressure of your son and grandmother.
Involvement of children’s services
Children services have carried out an investigation into allegations made against you and are happy that you pose no risk to your son. However, they do not appear to have provided any support to you to help your son be re united with you. They have advised the grandmother to encourage your son to return but she is not doing this.

I suggest that you go back to the social worker and ask that they assess you for support to assist your son to return to you. I would back up any request in writing. You could email the social worker and copy in the social workers manager. Mark your email urgent. Set out your concerns about your son staying with his grandmother; update them as to what has happened recently.
Suggest the type of support that you think you would need?
1) What about a referral to the child and adolescent mental health services? They may be able to help in finding out why your son wants to run away from home and offer strategies.
2)What about other professionals involved with your son? For example, the school or your GP? They may be able to back up any request you may make for support.
3)Your social worker may be able to provide a worker to work with your son and you to help him move back home.
4)Your social worker could draft a child in need plan or a written agreement setting out the steps that need to be taken-such as grandmother supporting your son to return home.

If you do not get a quick response (an initial assessment should normally be completed within 10 working days-however, given your concerns you may want them to act quicker), then email the service manger of children’s services.
The process that children’s services should follow when a parent requests support is set our here in our advice sheet.family support

I am glad that you also have sought advice from a solicitor in relation to you going to court. In case you pursue this avenue, it is a good idea to keep a written record about events that happen.
If you want further advice, then please post back.

Best wishes,

Suzie

[pal1975]

spoke to our social worker today and he said that he felt we have to decide wether to leave him where he is or use legal avenues to get him returned so i called the police and filled a report it took them 10 hours to finaly come round and see us at which point they said that he had made allegations that meant it wasn't possible for him to come home this evening and it would have to be dealt with by a special unit that is only available in the day time even though we informed them that social services were involved and that they had said that as far as they were concerned there are no child protection issues and that he had tried making other allegations but even tho we said we could show them all the paperwork there only reply was that they were unable to deal with the allegations and that they couldn't do anything what is this world coming to when a parent can't deal with there child without everyone else taking over when we have already shown that we are good parents

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear pal1975,

I am sorry to hear about the response that you got from children’s services when you requested help from them.

I assume when they say you need to pursue “legal avenues” to get your son returned means they think you need to go to court. This is certainly an option, although by rights you do not need to go to court as you already have parental responsibility and grandmother does not. You should be able to go and collect your son or ask his grandmother to return him to you. Before you consider court I suggest the following:
You could prepare a letter to be sent to grandmother. Remind her that you have Parental Responsibility and you want your son returned to you in a planned way. Suggest a date when this can happen. Say you are asking the local Authority for support in this. Say you want to meet with her to discuss the practicalities. Send a copy of the letter to the social worker and team manager.

In respect of the response from your social worker, I suggest you write to the team manager asking for help under section 17 Children Act. Suggest the support you need. If you do not get a response please consider contacting the complaints officer for help. Usually, you can phone them (the telephone number can be obtained from the local authority website) or email them. Here is a link to the advice sheet about complaints

Challenging decisions and making complaints


Come back to the forum if you have any more questions. I don’t know whether any parents are able to offer any suggestions?

Best wishes Susie