children in long term foster care

[ilovebingo69]

My children have been in long term foster care for about a month now, I miss them like crazy and am trying to cope with them not been here and I feel like I have just be left to my own devices since the court. I feel like social services have messed up and I have complained to the managers even the ombudsman but they say nothing they can do. Im struggling with money at the moment as been told that all I will have to live on is my jobseekers but im still paying for stuff to do with my children etc and also bedroom tax so I dont know what to do, my eldest daughter whos nearly 13 has told me she wants to come home and I want to go back to court I also have read on here that I can go back court after 6 months have passed I want to know if this true. Please help.

[blueplain]

Welcome ilovebingo69

I do not have any experience within the area you are enquiring about unfortunately. However I just wanted to tell you that I am sorry about the difficult time you are going through and that you are not alone.

While you Waite for advice about your specific question I have a few suggestions you can do at home.

Firstly it sounds like you do not have a good line of communication with your social worker. Do you know what is expected of you? Have you received all the paperwork so you know what is going on?

Secondly if you are tight on Money you are able to apply for a budgeting loan. Interest free from government with a long payback time. It is not much but every little helps https://www.gov.uk/budgeting-loans

Lastly I know it is a very frustrating situation for you but please do not let it get you down. Focus on all the positive steps you are taking and concentrate on what you can do to lower concerns so you are in a stronger position when you try to overturn the decision. I would suggests working with services such as the FRS to improve your home situation. I know it is difficult to accept further proffesionals and it can be overwhelming but keep your chin up and hang in there!

post edited by Suzie to remove identifying informaton

[charmed1]

Hi Lesley
I may well be in your position come July. Long story short. Our kids ages 4 and 6 are under a placement order. The Judge has given the LA 6 months to place them with suitable adopters. There are restrictions to their search so we are praying they time out. The LA have been told to take the matter back to court in July if they haven't found adopters for both of them together and who will support ongoing direct contact. So in 6 months time we hope to go back not only for the LA to get the placement order discharged but to also get the full care order discharged as this will come back into force. If adoption search fails they have to look to long term foster care. We want them home so badly. My husband and I have had severe depression and post traumatic stress which was the main reason our parenting failed to be "good enough". The Social worker is useless. She has not even entertained they could come home however we know from the final judgement that the therapy is what stands between us and our children coming back so we are going every week to make sure we are ready by July.

We too have to suffer the bedroom tax. I don't work and my husband only part time through no fault of his own. I make extra money selling on Ebay. You lose your children and the monetary help for them but never giving up hope means that you need to keep a space in your home somehow.

So to answer your question. Yes you can return it to court after 6 months from the order was made. You have to show material change in your circumstances that wasn't evident when the long term care order was made. Like I said for us it was the therapy. Good luck and keep in touch.

[ilovebingo69]

While the children were at home I decorated the house top to bottom and was told home home conditions were no longer an issue, the main reason was supervision, when they were in the care of someone else they still said it was my fault when stuff happened I told everybody that I would never leave my children with anybody ever again. after court .wasnt told about the 6 months could apply to have discharged. I am trying to make changes like getting a job but cant because ive only had experience of been a mum. I have really bad anxiety levels and am going to see a councillors, just waiting for appointment. I just need to know what more I can to prove myself to the court. Im even doing courses on child development to see if that would help.

[blueplain]

My wife is very shy and has high anxiety. I helped her and we worked together through our intervention. Is there anyone who can support you and be your voice? When our intervention started I was working and the children services took advantage of my wifes shyness and anxiety. I quite my job and stayed at home to prevent it from continuing. They seem to think shyness and anxiety is the same as being withdrawn and expect you to be the same with your children. They do not truely know you though.

I suggest you go to a parental course, they go by different names in different regions, they are about 10-12 weeks. It will show you are serious and perhaps help with your anxiety.

As to their concerns with supervision you can state that the parental course has taught you how to safe guard your children. If you get to court after attending a parental course you can say that you have taken the neccisary steps to improve your skills and your anxiety so you are able to safe guard and take care of your children's welfare.

[ilovebingo69]

I have asked to go on parenting courses but because the way children have gone im not allowed to do any of them. Im doing online courses but I told my solicitor this and she was supposed to tell the court. On my contacts ive been told im really loving etc to my children but I always have been and my anxiety is when im out and about I cant really go out without anybody with me. I never show this when im with them.

[blueplain]

That's frustrating that you are prevented to do that, perhaps Suzie will give you legal advice around that.

Funny you mention the nervous while outside thing. I hate walking on my own and when ever I walk past someone on the street I panic a bit and hold my breath. I do not know why I do it. Might need some councilling myself. However when I walk with anyone else I am much more relaxed. I use the other person to talk to and draw my attention away from people walking past.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear ilovebingo69

I am sorry to hear about the court proceedings and that a full care order was made a month ago. I understand the care plan is for your children to stay in long term foster care. However, your older daughter has stated that she wants to come home.

You are understandably struggling with the changes that have happened in your life and are worried about the court’s decision. You have set out your concerns in a formal complaint but this has not got anywhere. I am glad that contact between you and your children is so positive.
I see that you have received some really helpful support from other parents on the forum.

Discharge of the care order
A parent can make an application to discharge a care order 6 months from the date that it was made. However, the application would only be successful if you could to show that there has been a real change in circumstances since the care order was made and also that it is in your children’s best interests. Have a look at pages bottom of 33, 34 and 35 of the advice sheet
care and other proceedings.

Why don’t you ask your solicitor for her opinion? What you would need to do yourself to work towards the possibility of your children coming home to you? Have you got a copy of the court’s judgment? This would set out what evidence the court agreed with that led it to make the care order. What could you do to address any issues that were raised? Does the guardians report give any idea?
You mention that you are addressing your anxiety levels and getting a job. If your anxiety was one of the reasons for the care order being made-are you accessing all the support and treatment you need? If your anxiety was an issue, you could also speak to mind
or re think. and to check you are getting all the benefits that you are entitled to.

Our advice sheet about the effects on benefits when children no longer live with you should also guide you and gives a list of organisations that can offer advice.

Otherwise, remember that you still have the legal parental responsibility for your children and so still have a very important role to play in your children’s lives. Have a look at our advice sheet about Duties to children in the care system
This sets out how you should be consulted, how your children’s care plan will be reviewed including your contact, where your children will be living and reviewing re unification of your children home. Have a look at information about contact as well.
I hope this information helps but please post back if you have any questions and to let us know how things are going.
Best wishes,
Suzie

edited by Suzie to ensure same username used throughout

[ilovebingo69]

Thanks for the message susie. Im contacting my solicitor about going back to court for a contact order. Ive read all the documents and feel like this is the right thing to do. Has anybody else done this and does it work.

[ilovebingo69]

I have spoken to me solicitor and she thinks I dont have much of chance as itsonly been a month so I have to wait till july to go back court, im seeing her next week about the chances of going court to get my eldest daughter back but her foster carer doesnt think its a good idea but I love my daughter and think its for the best she comes home.

Ive also asked her about what help I need to change to change things at home and she is going to look what courses I can do as been told with me not having my children at home cant do any parenting courses, I will and want to do anything to get my children back home.

I have even put a formal complaint into social services as well and am waiting for the decision, I have received a letter telling me they are checking on what I have said, so hopefully I will get something out of that.

And have spoken to new social worker and told him I dont back down I will fight for my children and I dont give up.

Just wondering if anybody has ever had their children returned home as I just need some hope to hold onto.