Smacking child

[Justamum22]

What should I do if dad's children smack them ? I am worried that if I will not report it I might be blamed for not protecting them and I might loose them through social services. We are separated because this is what he wanted, he also lives in the same house with me, I share bedroom with my daughter, he sleeps downstairs. I pay all the bills, food and everything, he says we are family and he is entitled to it. I am tired. He is vocally abusive, calling me a liar in front of my children but I still don't want to leave him for religious beliefs. My main concern are children and if he will take them away or start telling on me in court. I have been through domestic violence. I think he is using me. Could I please talk with someone or get any advice?

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Justamum22,

Thank you for your post and welcome to the Parent's Forum.

My name is Suzie and I am an online adviser.

I have sent you a private message.

Best wishes,
Suzie

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

What should I do if dad's children smack them ? I am worried that if I will not report it I might be blamed for not protecting them and I might loose them through social services. We are separated because this is what he wanted, he also lives in the same house with me, I share bedroom with my daughter, he sleeps downstairs. I pay all the bills, food and everything, he says we are family and he is entitled to it. I am tired. He is vocally abusive, calling me a liar in front of my children but I still don't want to leave him for religious beliefs. My main concern are children and if he will take them away or start telling on me in court. I have been through domestic violence. I think he is using me. Could I please talk with someone or get any advice?

Dear Justamum22

Thank you for your post and welcome to the Board. Thank you for responding to the Private Message we sent to you.

I am following up here for your information and the benefit of other people who visit our Forums. I am so sorry to read how stressful life is for you right now. I thought it would be helpful though to provide some general advice regarding the queries you raised in your post.

You are worried that your children’s father “smacks” them and it seems that you are not in agreement with this form of discipline.

Generally, parents in England and Wales are ‘permitted’ to use “reasonable chastisement” i.e. smack their child. However, if a child has been hit hard enough to leave any kind of mark, then it becomes a criminal offence. It is also a criminal offence to use an implement to hit a child.

At Family Rights Group, it is our view that it is never appropriate to smack or otherwise physically chastise a child. We give this advice anyone contacting us on this issue - it would also be the view held by children’s services departments. We would also ‘strongly’ advise them to contact their local authority at the earliest opportunity.

Child law advice provides some helpful information regarding the law on smacking children. The NSPCC has some information too, you can read it here and you can contact them for advice too.

You have reported that you are separated from the father of your children but that you still reside together in the same household. I can imagine that this must be a very difficult situation: you have described him as being verbally abusive in front of your children. I was very worried to read this.

There are some helpful organisations you can approach for help and advice. This includes Women’s Aid or other specialist domestic violence organisations. The page Domestic abuse: Getting further help provides contact details for these organisations.

Perhaps you have considered or received advice about going into a refuge if you feel unsafe in the home? Is it possible for your husband to leave the property even if only for a short period of time?

Your local authority should also have a policy regarding support for victims of domestic violence. There is government guidance relating to the support that should be offered including housing. I suggest you contact Shelter on 0808 800 4444 who will know the local provision under the statutory guidance to improve access to social housing for victims of domestic violence. Shelter also has a specific advice page on their website about housing options for people experiencing domestic abuse. You can link to it here.

Alternatively, you may wish to seek legal advice about your husband leaving the home. The court can make an order (Occupation order) relating to who occupies the home.

I hope this information is helpful.

Best wishes
Suzie