I need help with my SEN needs teenager, school and social services.

[MumOfATeen]

Hi guys, I really need some advice here because I'm going out of my mind. Back in 2020 lock down had just hit and my husband passed away. My child was only 11 at the time. Her father died at home over a 3 month period. It was traumatic to say the least. The reason he passed away was due to liver failure/alcohol. I personally don't drink and never have. After he died I got in touch with an old friend I have known for 23 years. That developed in to a relationship. My daughter also left primary school and went to highschool in 2020 so some huge changes happened all at the same time for her. Anyway over the last 3 1/2 years she has been really struggling with anger outbursts at school, shes mad at the world, shes mad her dad wouldn't stop drinking. So she anyway the high school she went to has provided zero support and any suggestion I put forward is ignored. Ive raised complaints with the school, they wrote back to be saying they will not investigate my complaints and will not discuss alternatives to help her in school. I applied for EHCP but that hasn't gone through yet. Anyway I took it multiple times to the local authority, DfE, OFSTED and their own HR department because as well as ignoring me they're allowed to restrain my chilf, which I don't agree with unless it's acceptional circumstances however they've left multiple bruises all over her body and even broken her thumb. Anyway a couple of times my daughter has been to school shes made comments, as teenagers do, like she feels I'm on at her for nothing and hates me. This is not her general feelings, these normally come after she has asked me for a £250 Shein order or asked to be allowed out till midnight because her friends can and I've said no. So anyway they made a false report to social care saying I am the one who refuses to communicate and I am the one who prevents my child going to school. They even went as far as to blame my mental health because I have anxiety and depression which leads to physical pain. I told them this was a load of rubbish, my anxiety is made worse when the school are providing zero help to my child resulting in her mental health getting worse yes however that is caused by them not the other way around. I then went on to produce 20 of the 600 emails I have trying to communicate with them. They also accused me if blocking their number which is a safe guarding risk yet I screenshot calls on my phone to and from them showing more lies. They went as far as to request a protection order on my child. I know this may be hard to believe as schools are supposed to be professional however because of the amount of things they've done wrong there's a real possibility these head teachers will loose their jobs and they would rather lie about me and have my child removed than accept what they themselves have done to cause this.

The social services came out and asked if i consented to a child in need assessment, i explained she needs help with school and asked what help ss can provide. They advised there's nothing they can do so I declined the assessment. SS were happy and closed the case. The school were furious so they went above SS and forced SS hand to have a child protection meeting.

During that meeting the school made the claims and i evidenced their lies, the only things I couldn't evidence was what they claimed my daughter said however my daughter did speak and say what i mentioned above and also said the school are rolling 4 or 5 stories in to 1 and even adding to it. Then it was time for the police to talk, the police asked me to leave and when i came back they advised a disclosure i could not be party to had been made. This disclosure was about my current partner and they said i would receive a visit from plain closed police to give me information. The meeting ended and 5 parties voted, school and police wanted a protection order and the other 3 like dr said possible child in need but not protection. I agreed child in need on the extent of abuse shes suffering at school. The police remark however confused me. As i said above Ive known him for 23 years and he had 2 long term relationships before me where he was the victim of domestic violence, however back in early 2000s/2010s men suffering domestic violence at the hands of a women was brushed to 1 side. The 2 women who i also know would hit him, smash glass over his head, 1 even stabbed him then when police came they'd cry and blame him. He was never charged but was arrested multiple times. With me we don't even argue. Does anyone know if any of this could effect me or am i best just to tell the police he is not a random guy i met on tinder i have known him years

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear MumOfATeen

Thank you for your post and welcome to the Board. I am sorry to read of your bereavement and the effect your loss had on your daughter and yourself.

Firstly, may I signpost you to our webpages about children in need, you can read them here.

You asked whether you will or might be affected by your partner’s history, I cannot give a definitive answer, except that you ‘could be’ affected if there are any incidences of domestic abuse in your ‘home’/ relationship. However, you have said that you don’t even argue so may not be affected.

May I suggest that if you are approached by the police, it may be better or wiser to say that your partner has been known to you for many years and you know his history.

May I also suggest that a Clare’s Law disclosure may give you some insight into what might have been discussed when you were asked to briefly leave the child protection case conference, your local police service can give you information about how to request a disclosure.

I hope this is helpful.

Best wishes
Suzie