Help Need Advice

[Shriek'O'tBanshee]

My son is 15 and has autism, he has gone to the same school for 11 years. He lives with both me and my mother who are both disabled. Anyway 1week before Christmas 22, there was knock at door. there on the step were the police and a safeguarding teacher from my sons school, who then told me that my son had been raped 7 times over the week by 2 fellow students. For months, people came to our house to either talk about the case or psychologists to help the family. Then my son was given a social worker who took an instant dislike to my mum. The next thing is we're getting dragged to court for neglect, emotional harm and blurred sexual boundaries. The school started reporting that my son was touching other students, that he was hungry. filthy etc. Remember he's been in this school for 11 yrs and they only "noticed the neglect" after he was assaulted at school.
So we went to court and they got an interim care order whilst gathering evidence. We now have supervision in out house everyday from 7am-9am then 4pm-10pm. This supervision is in the 9th week. They see my son for approx 5 mins and they basically watch boxsets with my mum. We asked for supervision to end at 8pm instead of just saying no they dragged us to court for instant removal of my son because of noncompliance.
I was seriously brain damaged having my son, which has left me physically disabled. My mum grew up in care where she sexually abused since 3 and beaten by the Foster mother, because of this she wanted to give children in care a positive experience and was a Foster carer for the local authority for over 15yrs, she only gave it up when she had to bring me and my son home.
We've got absolutely no family, it's just the 3 of us and all our friends live all over the country. We've asked for help from social services for years, help with housework and getting my son out of the house. And when all this is going on my mum is getting investigated for cancer as she woke up a few months ago blind in 1 eye and dizzy. Can anybody help, my solicitor just says yes to anything the local authority ask for and we've done absolutely nothing wrong, it's the school trying to blame us for their failure and I'm not being hyperbolic but i think the stress is going to kill my mum. My son has been adamant that he's happy at home, that were a great mum and nan and he actually wrote a letter to the judge saying if he's removed he'll commit suicide, and that breaks my heart. They say they've got no money to put support in for us but they've spent 1000's on a bogas case. Has anyone got any advice. Thank you.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear ShriekO’tBanshee

Welcome to the parents’ discussion board. Thank you for your post. My name is Suzie. I am Family Rights Group’s online adviser.

I am very sorry to hear about the difficulties you and your family are experiencing. You are having to deal with a lot of issues at the same time. I can understand how challenging this must be for all of you. You have explained that your son has autism, that you have a disability and how this impacts on you, about your mum’s difficult history, that she has a disability and is currently having treatment for cancer.

You have described how children’s services' involvement began when you were told that your son had been the victim of rape by other students at school. This must have been extremely distressing for you and your son. Police were investigating. Has there been an outcome to the police investigation?

Since then, your son’s school has made allegations that he is being neglected at home, emotionally harmed and that he has been ‘touching other students.’ This has resulted in children’s services beginning care proceedings and obtaining an interim care order. You state that they wanted to remove your son from home. However, from what you say I think that he has remained at home, with the court order in place, and with supervision arrangements in place before and after school. You tried to negotiate for the supervision to end earlier in the evening but this did not happen. This was interpreted as you not cooperating with the plan.

I can see that this situation is taking its toll on all of you. You are worried about the impact on your mum. Your son has stated very clearly that he wants to remain home with you and your mum and has said he will take his own life if removed. He wrote this in a letter to the judge, so all parties are aware of this.

I am sorry that you feel the solicitor is not representing you well enough and that they are agreeing with the local authority. They should take your instructions about what your views are, and what you would like to happen. But they should also give you advice about legal issues. I would recommend that you seek an appointment with your solicitor to ask them to explain more fully what is happening and why and what you can do. If you are very unhappy with your solicitor there are steps you can take to try to address these . You may find it helpful to look at tips 2 and 3 in our guide to working with a solicitor as they give some suggestions about what you can do.

As your son is now a Looked After Child, he will have an Independent Reviewing Officer to review his care plans. It is important that you and your son are able to participate fully in this process. Please see here for more details about what is involved.

As both you and your mum are adults with disabilities, you may be entitled to some services and support from Adult Social Care. I hope that you have already been referred to them to have your needs assessed. Please see this advice here about how Adult Social Care can provide support to eligible adults. If assessed to be necessary, this can include help with keeping the home clean and safe. If you need further advice about getting help and support as an adult with disabilities and a carer of a disabled child please see these useful links to specialist services.

The local authority have said that they have no funds to put in resources and support to help you care for your son safely. Just because a parent may need longer term support , it does not meant they cannot care for their child. You can ask your solicitor to clarify if there is relevant case law to help them make an argument that with longer term or funded support your son can safely remain at home with you.

I know that you have no family and that your friends are scattered throughout the country but I would still recommend that you ask for a family group conference to be arranged, if this has not already happened. This can include anybody in your network who can offer you and your family any support. It is good practice for this to be offered, the courts recommend that this be explored to help families come up with a safe plan for their child.

I hope that you and your family have access to some emotional support. There are concerns that your son has been sexually harmed and also about his behaviour . This usually requires a specialist response. I don’t know what is in place for him but his care plan must look at all of his needs including health and behaviour so it may be a good idea to make sure you have a copy of all his plans and find out what is being offered.

You and/or your mum may be able to get help / emotional support from:

• Your GP
• CALM
• Samaritans
• Support Line
• Family Line.

If you would like to talk through your situation with an adviser, please call our freephone advice helpline on 0808 8010366, Mon to Fri, 9.30 am to 3.00 pm (except bank holidays). Or you can:

• Post again on this forum
• Use our webchat facility
• Send an advice enquiry.

I hope this helps.

Best wishes

Suzie