Social services and harassment

[Pixiedust2015]

Social services are involved with SD and said that to assess her they wanted her to live with us. We agreed because we don’t want the baby to go into care. We are there as a support network and safety net for the baby and not there to do it for her but we have to be around 24/7 with her and the baby.

She and had a meltdown and mental health crisis because of her mom who is a really toxic person and very manipulative. I ended up looking after the baby all day and night because she was incapable of doing it. She called her psychiatric nurse and she advised no contact with her mom for now. Within hours she was back on the phone to her mom.

She has an infected wound and went to the hospital on Saturday and her mom went up to her there. She left but ended up going back on Sunday and was admitted for IV antibiotics. The ward let the baby stay with her so we took him on the Monday. On Tuesday morning she sent me a text asking if I would pick him up as she didn’t want him with her because the infection got worse. I’ve had him since.

On Tuesday we spoke to the social worker with our concerns about her mom and her mental state after Fridays incident and said we were no longer comfortable allowing her mom in our house to see him (he is not allowed to go to her moms, he looked after by her or be left with anyone) because of what has happened and they said they support us with this as it is our house. They said going forward if she wants to see him she should contact them. We had also found out that her mom has managed to weasel 24/7 access to her on the ward and the social worker was worried about this.

On Wednesday we took him to visit her and asked her mom to leave so three of us could see her (the ward rules are three visitors per patient). Her mom didn’t like this and made comments as she left the room. As I was leaving to take the baby home with me her mom was coming back to the ward. She tried to engage with the baby and pick him up. I told her she couldn’t and if she wanted to see him she needed to go through the social worker. Minutes after this she left a voicemail on my husbands phone telling him I had no right to stop her seeing the baby and telling him he “better sort her (me) out”.

Yesterday my SD sent me a message asking if I was taking the baby to see her. I told her I wouldn’t be while her mom was there. Cue another aggressive and threatening voicemail left on my husbands phone and abusive and threatening messages off her husband. The social worker visited us last week and we discussed all of this with her and she said that while he is in our care and if we are not comfortable with taking him to the hospital with her mom there and her coming to our house they 100% support us and if SD wants to see him and we are taking him she will have to tell her mom to leave.

We’ve called the police and logged the calls and texts and made the social worker aware. Can we get an injunction against SD’s mom and her husband to stay away from us and no contact?

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Pixiedust2015

Thank your post. It appears that you and your husband are in the category of kinship carers but you have posted on the parents’ discussion forum.

My name is Suzie, online adviser at Family Rights Group and I will respond to your post on this forum but suggest any further post is on the kinship carers’ discussion forum.

I am sorry that you have been having a difficult time trying to support your stepdaughter and her son. From your post it appears that she has her own personal difficulties which are exacerbated by her mother.

It is concerning however that children’s services have placed the burden of dealing with the maternal grandmother on you and your husband. The present arrangement is for you to support your step daughter but, rather than take responsibility for safeguarding the baby children’s services is leaving it to you to manage the situation. You do not have parental responsibility for the baby and, as such, cannot make decisions about who has contact with him when and where. If children’s services consider there is an issue with the maternal grandmother’s contact, they should be expressing their concerns to the mother and, at the very least consider whether a safety plan is necessary to ensure the maternal grandmother understands what is expected of her.

At present, only your stepdaughter has the right to exercise parental responsibility and the baby’s father if he shares parental responsibility by being named on the birth certificate or married to the mother.

If your stepdaughter is unable to care for her baby, children’s services should consider whether you and your husband should be treated as kinship foster carers this can be a voluntary arrangement under section 20 of the Children Act 1989. This would mean the baby is a looked after child but not in care. Children’s services would then have duties under this arrangement.

Here is information about voluntary arrangement and becoming a kinship-foster-carer

It may be that you and your stepdaughter is happy with the current arrangements but I think it is useful for you to know the different options available.

Turning to your specific question regarding an injunction, it would be possible for you to apply to the court for a non-molestation order and there is a family relationship. How you do you think your stepdaughter would feel about this? Would see support your decision or consider being placed elsewhere with her baby once she is out of hospital. You may wish to seek legal advice about an application to the court.

I suggest you ask the social worker to explain more about your position if your step daughter is unable to care for the baby by herself.

I hope you find this helpful but if you wish to speak with one of our experienced advisers do telephone our free confidential advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30am to 3.00pm Monday to Friday (excluding Bank Holidays)

Best wishes

Suzie