Sudden late social services involvement in third trimester - very stressed

[Roxyroxy11]

Hello
I am currently 28 weeks and 3 days pregnant.

I got a phone call on Friday 2nd Feb 2024 to say there had been a referral to social services. The social worker basically demanded to meet me and then a pre birth assessment would be arranged. I thought the referral came from my midwife and was very confused. I took the phone call in the middle of a class I was teaching in case it was an emergency. She was aware on the phone that I was a teacher so I am not sure why she decided that was even a good time to call.

I was on the phone to my midwife yesterday and she said the referral didn't come from her which is what I had been very concerned about. She said she was happy with me and my partner and she was glad that we attend all appointments and scans together since 6 weeks. She said if they asked her for any information, that is what she would say.

The referral to social services actually is from 2 months ago!!!

Basically, I had a traumatic miscarriage last year. The baby's due date would have been the 10th Dec 2024. On this day in December, I had very heavy bleeding. It was from trying to have a bowel movement. My partner was due to go help a friend with farm work. He told me not to worry as it was probably just haemorrhoids. I was frustrated at the time that he didn't stay with me or take me to a&e probably mostly due to my already mournful mood. After a bit his mum called around and said she would take me to a&e.
I was in there for over 7 hours. I was with no food, had a migraine, upset and worried about baby due to bleeding and also frustrated because I thought my partner knew i was away and didnt get in touch, turns out he didnt until much later in the evening.

Around 8pm I was internally examined by a male doctor for the first time ever and I cried my eyes out. I was very embarrassed. He asked me what was wrong and instead of saying I didn't want the internal exam, I said that I was upset my partner wasn't with me. He said a few things that I didn't understand due to his accent but he seemed to be complaining about my "baby daddy". He carried out the internal exam in a curtained area of a busy room where I was exposed by the gaps in the curtains. I could see people walking by and felt very vulnerable and shaken up.

The Dr brought a female in who started to ask questions solely about my partner and I. She asked why didn't he come to the hospital and I said I am not sure but it felt like he didn't care. She kept adding on phrases like "that must be awful as you are pregnant and alone and its shocking that he isn't here" . She asked does he attend antenatal appointments and I said yes but he doesn't always agree with the amount of ultrasounds, we always go but he read that they may not be very good for the baby's health and due to the miscarraige previously, we were trying to be extra careful. she sneered and said that this sounded "psychotic" and i believe she wrote that down. She then asked did we have any drug history and I said he had fibromyalgia and took painkillers, she said does he take recommended dose and I said sometimes I felt he probably took more (she didnt clarify when and i was actually refering to an accident he had suffered in the year previous where he had concussion and i rmemeer for a day or 2 being concerned about whether he was taking the right amount or not, completely off the bat comment) I can't remember fully but I think she asked how i was coping with pregnancy and i said ok just experiencing weight gain at that time and she asked if he was supportive with this...I said he had made a comment about how big I was getting but he literally said it about my bump. I don't know if I said this or not but if I did, I didn't fully explain that. Basically she didn't ask anything positive, just negative. Her questions were not closed, and she added in her own opinions and completely skewed my train of thought at the end of a very long, worrying day where I was exhausted. Also didn't realise this would be going any further or how serious this was. I was very vulnerable.
I didn't realise she was making a referral. I was not in the right frame of mind -pregnant, hungry, migraine, exhausted, feeling violated, and frustrated my partner was not there.
Also all on the day where I was truly mourning the loss of our previous baby.

When I eventually got to my partner, it transpired that he had no service on his phone for most of the day when he was away and had actually been contacting his mum to find out where I was and was I OK as I didn't answer mines due to being seen.
He was more than supportive and I felt so silly for being so upset and getting the wrong end of the stick but I never once thought anymore about my conversation with that woman.

That referral was made from the hospital over 50 days ago. When I read information online, it seems this should have all been investigated and completed within 45 days of a referral. It also says they should avoid approaching women in the later stages of pregnancy. It also says that if there is no evidence of significant risk or potential harm to baby then I can refuse but they can take it further by court order.

Do you think I have a good enough case to get this dropped without a pre birth assessment taking place if I get the chance to explain these circumstances. also we have no physical abuse, domestic violence, drug or alcohol abuse and no previous convictions, us and families have no experience ever with social servuces. By the time she wants to meet for an initial discussion I will already be 30 weeks pregnant.

I have chatted with him and he says they can't do anything if all they have is a few things I said when I was really upset and tired one night in hospital. He thinks I need to stop worrying and just focus on enjoying the last part of our pregnancy. He was finishing of painting our little girls room last night. I have barely ate since Friday, I have been very tearful, sick with worry, not sleeping. I am also a teacher and teach child care and health and social care. I am finding it very difficult to think of anything else

As I said before I am a teacher to pupils aged 11-18. I am a qualified and professional individual. We don't go out partying ever, we don't drink, we are vegetarian, we have a polytunnel where we grow all our own vegetables and fruit, we have a pretty sheltered life. This baby was completely planned for and I have enjoyed most of the pregnancy and I can't believe this has happened towards the end. We have everything in place for baby, all the equipment and clothes etc it could need. We have lived together for nearly 4 years and without any issues
The social worker is not even based in local area. By the time she wants to meet me I will be 30/31 weeks and in my opinion, if they had significant reasons to be concerned, this would have been addressed alot sooner than that (and that's not even the pre birth assessment date, that is just for a chat).

I would really appreciate any advice on how to resolve this ASAP and preferably without an assessment because I truly don't need the stress and I don't believe anything points to significant harm to a child especially after I am able to explain the circumstances and context of my hospital experience.


Thank you

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Roxyroxy11,

Welcome to the parents' forum and thank you for your post.

You say that you are 28 weeks pregnant and that you recently received a call from children's services due to a referral being made. You have been told that a pre-birth assessment will be arranged. This referral was made 2 months ago after you presented to hospital with some bleeding. You had experienced a miscarriage previously and were feeling distressed and worried. You were upset at the hospital and spoke to someone. You feel you were asked negative and misleading questions. You expressed to this person some things about your relationship with your partner, such as feeling unsupported, but say this was due to him being out of contact at the time. You also mentioned something about his use of painkillers. You say you did not think much about what you said and that you were feeling tired and unsettled from being in hospital. You do not think a referral was necessary and would like to know if you can refuse the pre-birth assessment if you explain the circumstances. You have been feeling anxious and worried as you are also a teacher.

Firstly, I am sorry to hear about your situation - this is understandably stressful for you.

Children's services have asked to complete a pre-birth assessment following a referral from your hospital visit in December. This is because hospital staff may have been worried about some of the things you disclosed about your relationship and have a duty to refer if they think your unborn child would benefit from support or may be at risk of harm. The referrer should have explained to you why they were worried at the time and should have been open about referring you to children's services. I am sorry this did not happen, and you may wish to make a formal complaint to the hospital about this and the visit as a whole.

Children's services must decided within 24 hours of a referral what course of action they are going to take. If they decided to start an assessment, you are right in saying this should be completed within 45 days. Again, I am sorry this has not happened, which may be a result of lack of social worker availability.

The social worker should aim to get your consent before starting a pre-birth assessment. In your case, I would ask the social worker to explain why they are concerned and you may wish to explain the circumstances of your conversation with the referrer, including what support you currently have in place. Children's services may still want to complete an assessment if they think you could benefit from support. If you decided to decline, they will assess whether they think your child could be at risk of significant harm and whether they should initiate child protection enquiries. They can initiate this without your consent and this could result your unborn child being placed on a child protection plan. You can read more about pre-birth assessments, possible outcomes and best practice hereand here.

It is understandable that you are worried and I would encourage you to talk openly with the social worker about your situation and why you may not think a pre-birth assessment is necessary. If you feel you have been treated unfairly by children's services at any point, you can make a formal complaint. See here for how to do this.

I hope you have found this helpful.

Best wishes,

Suzie.