Coercive control. Struggling 😭

[FGT676]

Hi all. I'm really struggling ATM and don't know what I can do, I feel like I'm trapped with my ex and he will continue to control me through our children as long as he has the lives with order. Everything he accused me of I have went and proved myself and I am in auch better place, unfortunately though he is being very obstructive and not willing to work around work or anything. He has made the children leave early, demanded I go elsewhere for him to collect, tried to stop me from my first day at work by not agreeing to swap the days and now when my relative has passed a message on about me at work and when it comes to school holidays. his reply was "If your unavailable then you just miss family time. Thats it. Theres an order and until someone tells me otherwise it stays the same. Please stop messaging unless its really neccassary"

He was able to lie and control me from the moment he took the children,he is now continuing this more since he has the live with order, he has cut out all communication and regularly ignores my family member when they try contact around communication with the children. I am currently working with domestic abuse support worker and I have applied back to court to get shared care-live with me or live with both. Had anyone else been in my situation and could give me some information on how things went? I'm so anxious and I feel like I'm trapped and will be controlled by him for the rest of my life and he will continue to want to cut me out of our children's lives.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear FGT676

Thank you for your further post. I am sorry to hear that you are struggling. Your situation is challenging and stressful.

It is good to hear that you are getting support from a domestic violence service. This is particularly important in the situation that you describe where you feel that your ex-partner continues to coercively control you through the contact arrangements. You and the children have a right to be safe and to live your lives.

You are also taking proactive action by taking the matter back to court as you describe. I hope the links I have provided in earlier responses will be helpful to you.

You may be interested in getting some targeted emotional support for yourself as a parent managing such a difficult situation.

Family Line is a charity that offers a range of support services to parents. This includes telephone befriending, a listening ear and counselling. You may find that they can offer you some additional support to help you. Their freephone helpline number is 0808 802 6666, email familyline@family-action.org.uk and they also have a text messaging service on 07537 404 282.

You can also contact Family Lives who offer confidential advcie and support to parents about a range of issues. You can contact them on 0808 800 2222 or email askus@familylives.org.uk.

If you would like early help or social work support for your family, you can contact your local Children’s Services.

Some of the other parents on this board may be able to offer you more suggestions and encouragement.

I hope this helps.

Best wishes

Suzie

[FGT676]

Thankyou so much. I am looking into everywhere you have told me about and will continue getting support