Banned from seeing him

[Constellation86]

Hi social services recently received a an anonymous report which included a child that wasn’t mine so it came from someone who doesn’t really know me. It’s all because of a man I’m seeing. I have completed Clare’s law and Sarah’s law and there is nothing to worry about although the has had a conviction in the past a long time ago. He did tell me this. Social services instantly jumped to assessments on the children before even talking to me and have now ‘banned’ me from seeing him while the children are around. They are saying it’s because they consider him a risk to me but I can see him without the children around. But they won’t tell me why!!! I did all the checks and he is not a risk to children and has never been considered a risk to children. Social services are aware I am never without that least one of the children so have told me I must end the relationship. I have no concerns about him and am aware his ex was going to make malicious reports as she told me all this via messages on Facebook. I even showed these to the social worker but they won’t budge. Their not even willing to assess him despite him meeting the social worker at her request and offering to do whatever they need to do and work with them. She said she couldn’t stop me allowing him around the children but then ‘things would be escalated’ and I would be considered as putting the children at risk. But they won’t tell me why. They asked him if they could discuss anything regarding his history with me and he said yes as he had nothing to hide but they won’t give me a reason. Can anyone help please

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Constellation86

Welcome to the parents’ discussion forum and thank you for your post.

My name is Suzie, Family Rights Group online adviser responding to your post today.

I am sorry that you appear from your post to be confused about the reason for children’s services (the new name for social services) concerns regarding your partner. You say you carried out Clare’s Law and Sarah’s Law in respect of your partner and there is nothing to say he is a risk to children, but children’s services are still concerned about you and your children and the risk he poses.

You say he has a previous conviction which he told you about. As you do not say what the conviction was for, it is difficult to provide a view about whether this is something of concern to children’s services. I can only assume that the conviction may relate to sexual issues and violence of some kind.

It would be very unusual for children’s services to start an assessment without speaking to the person with whom the child or children live. Once they receive a referral, they would usually contact that person to inform them of the referral and explain how they will deal with the case going forward.

You can read HERE about the process when children’s services receive a referral.

If, as you say, his ex-partner threatened to make malicious referral, if there was no basis for their intervention the likelihood is that children’s services would have closed the case. It appears, however, that they are taking a position which suggests they consider your partner a risk not only to you but to children. As they have recommended that the children are not around him, I think they should explain to you the reason for this concern. It makes it difficult for you to work with them to address their concerns if you have no idea of the reason for this concern.

I think you concern would be to ensure your children and you are safe, so it is important that you write to children’s services asking them to give you clear information about their concerns. You can ask for a meeting with the social worker’s team manager to discuss how the case is being managed and the lack of information. They should explain why they are refusing to carry out a risk assessment.

It is important that you try not to minimise the concerns that children’s services has or the nature of the historical conviction.

Your partner may wish to check with the police what information has been given to children’s services to ensure that information relates to him and there is no mistake. He can request his records himself to be sure it is all correct. Do you think it is possible he has not told you about all his convictions if he has more than the one you mention in your post.

For reasons unknown to you, children’s services have concerns about your partner and has recommended that he is not around your children. If you ignore this advice, then they could escalate the case. You do not mention in your post if the children are on child in need or child protection plans. If on child in need, then it could escalate to child protection. Child protection can be escalated to public law outline (PLO) which is the pre-proceedings process where children’s services are considering applying to the court for a care order. In some instances, if they consider the children to be at risk of immediate harm, could apply directly to the court for a care order and in those circumstances, they may be granted an interim care order (ICO) which means they share parental responsibility and can make decisions about the children.

Here are links to information relating to PLO and care proceedings.

I hope you will find this helpful, but should you wish to speak with one of our experienced advisers, you can telephone our free confidential advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30am to 3.00pm Monday to Friday (excluding Bank Holidays)

Best wishes

Suzie

[Constellation86]

Hi thanks for the reply. His previous conviction is not a sexual offence or anything like that it was for a drunken fight.
The children are not as far as I’m aware under any sort of ‘child in need’ label or anything. They didn’t speak to me first just jumped straight into assessments. I have since been back in touch with the police and they have confirmed they have no reason that he shouldn’t around children. Childrens services stated that they didn’t think he would be a risk to the children just to me. But I can continue seeing him with the children aren’t around leaving me confused.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Constellation86

Thanks for your further email. Thank you also for clarifying the nature of your partner’s conviction which is for a violent offence.

Please have a look again at the advice provided in my initial response as I would recommend that you consider following the suggested actions. This will help you clarify matters with children’s services.

Children’s services are the lead agency when it comes to protecting children and making sure that their needs are met. So although the police have said that they have no concerns about your partner being around children, children’s services currently do have concerns about him being around your children. Children’s services have told you that they are concerned he may pose a risk of harm to you. You can ask them to clarify this further. However, as your partner has a conviction for violence this will be relevant. You do need to know what, if any, other information they hold.

I hope that my previous advice will help you to find out from children’s services why they are worried. They should be transparent with you about any information they hold and should be able to explain to you why they have made this recommendation.

As an adult you are able to make choices about your relationships. However, as a parent, children’s services expect you to make safe choices for your children. This is why they are asking that your partner has no contact with your children but say that you can see him when you don’t have the children with you. I have suggested what the threat of ‘escalation’ may mean in my previous response. They may be referring to escalation to a child protection process. You should ask the social worker for a copy in writing of any assessment or proposed safety plan.

I hope this helps.

Please get back in touch if you have any further queries.

Best wishes

Suzie

[Welsh Woman]

I was put in this position. I was told if I continued to see my partner that they would put my children on a child protection plan. I could see him but not with the children. He has never been convicted of hurting a child. I was told that my kids could be taken off Me if I didn't follow what they said. This confused me as I am an excellent mother. So I told them that they can't Control me, so they have kept my children on the plan and I have visits every 10 days. They were hoping I would end the relationship. I have stuck to my guns, put up with all the social media about him and me, my parents don't support me any more but I will not raise my kids to disown someone who messed up 10 years ago. Social worker is now stating that they will put safety plans in place whereby my partner can start seeing my kids with me.

Stay strong xx