Hello everyone,
I am seeking some advice please on whether as a parent my historic complex involvement with social services will impact on any future relationships I have with a man who has children already, or the likelihood of me ever possibly having another child. Neither of these things are in fruition currently but as I'm recovering more and more I am wondered what would happen in the future. As I'd like to lessen any stress for my child and save embarrassment for any potential future partners.
In a nutshell, deeply ashamed to say there were extensive concerns and safeguarding risks about my daughter, on and off from when she was around 2 until closed and placed with a family member aged 14 with an sgo some years ago. From myself unfortunately I was young, a failure of a mother and was not fit I took full responsibility for all these things.
These were multiple areas of concern, most of which I was blind to at the time as I was in active addiction. This resulted in her being placed under a child protection plan 6 years ago but it was ended soon after and she was returned back to me. However due to trauma unfortunately it didn't last and I voluntarily placed her with my sister as it was better for her and I was not well, my sister got an sgo a few years back based on my mental health, risk of harm and previous issues and investigations at the time about me and risks I believe.
I've been in recovery for many years now, worked very hard to overcome my own issues and trauma as my daughter's wellbeing is of paramount importance.
I am allowed full contact with my daughter and whilst she doesn't live with me I see her as often as she chooses to, due to her age there are no restrictions on how often we see each other. I think due to my history this could have been different if she were younger.
It was left services were happy with my parenting, they were happy I see her and did not need to be involved, that my daughter's age meant ample contact and I was doing well, particularly after having a very late diagnosis of autism and working hard on why I used substances. I love her very much and dedicated my life to helping undo the damage I did.
I have no criminal record. Sadly police were called in my addiction days due to utter chaos it caused this was years back now but I've never been in trouble. But I am unsure if I would flag up if I ever began a relationship with someone with a child? Or if once my daughter has finished college so not to disrupt her learning, if I could possibly have another child? In the latter situation I may well ask for support myself, if it ever happened in years to come.
Both of which I would rather avoid than have my previous actions affect anyone negatively as things are good now, my daughter is thriving and happy and I'm eternally grateful to be allowed to see her. I don't want to drag anything up that could cause stress.
Additionally would anyone know if she is called a "looked after child" living under an sgo? Just I think she maybe entitled to extra support at college if so.
Kindest regards
Will my historic involvement with children's social care and child protection plan impact on any future relationship
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Suzie, FRG Adviser
- Posts: 4260
- Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm
Re: Will my historic involvement with children's social care and child protection plan impact on any future relationship
Dear VVCW2
Welcome to the parents’ discussion board. Thank you for your post. My name is Suzie. I am Family Rights Group’s online adviser.
You are wondering if children’s services would become involved in your life again if you had another child or began a relationship with a father. You have explained very openly the difficulties you experienced in the past, the concerns children’s services had at that time and the circumstances which led to your daughter being cared for by her aunt under a Special Guardianship Order (SGO) .
It is clear from what you have said that you have worked very hard to address the challenges you faced. You have now been diagnosed with autism which may help put some of your needs into perspective. You have also continued to have an ongoing and positive relationship with your daughter. It seems that you have accessed support to help you and you are willing to do so again if you need to. It is good to hear that you are doing so well and wanting to move on with your life.
I cannot predict exactly what would happen in the future if you begin a new relationship with a father or if you are expecting a baby. When they are involved, children’s services consider past history and risks but must also of course assess the current situation, changes made, new circumstances and any current risks. Past involvement does not necessarily mean future or ongoing involvement; this will depend on the situation. Many mothers are able to go on and have new relationships or to have another child following past children’s services’ involvement. However, if there is significant risk of harm to an unborn child or a child children’s services have a duty to assess and intervene. You can find a summary of how children’s services work here. You have stated very clearly that you would ask for support, if you needed it, which is always a positive.
If you decide to have another baby, children’s services may consider doing a pre-birth assessment, as you have a child who is not in your care. It would be a good idea to inform them early in the pregnancy so that if an assessment is needed it starts early. We have full information about this in our advice pages for parents to be.
I would suggest that you discuss your past difficulties and historic children’s services’ involvement with a new partner. If they have a child/ren you and your partner could consider letting children’s services know that you are in a relationship and that if they wish to assess you would cooperate with this. I cannot predict if they would choose to assess, this would depend on the historic concerns and current situation.
Your daughter is not currently a Looked After Child as she is living with her aunt under a SGO. However, she may have been in the past if her aunt was her kinship foster carer, under a section 20 voluntary arrangement , prior to the SGO being made. You don’t mention care proceedings so I don’t think she was under an interim or full care order.
If your daughter was looked after before the SGO was made, she may be eligible for some support. Please see this advice sheet on education for kinship carers (page 11) and this advice sheet on children’s services duties to young people leaving care (section on qualifying young people, pages 4 and 5). If she has never been looked after, she should still flag up with college etc that she lives in kinship care as this may also give her priority for some support. The college may have a designated worker for looked after young people or those living in kinship care. She may be classed as an ‘independent student’ which may allow her to access support.
You may find information about support and services in our useful links.
I hope this helps.
Best wishes for the future.
Suzie
Welcome to the parents’ discussion board. Thank you for your post. My name is Suzie. I am Family Rights Group’s online adviser.
You are wondering if children’s services would become involved in your life again if you had another child or began a relationship with a father. You have explained very openly the difficulties you experienced in the past, the concerns children’s services had at that time and the circumstances which led to your daughter being cared for by her aunt under a Special Guardianship Order (SGO) .
It is clear from what you have said that you have worked very hard to address the challenges you faced. You have now been diagnosed with autism which may help put some of your needs into perspective. You have also continued to have an ongoing and positive relationship with your daughter. It seems that you have accessed support to help you and you are willing to do so again if you need to. It is good to hear that you are doing so well and wanting to move on with your life.
I cannot predict exactly what would happen in the future if you begin a new relationship with a father or if you are expecting a baby. When they are involved, children’s services consider past history and risks but must also of course assess the current situation, changes made, new circumstances and any current risks. Past involvement does not necessarily mean future or ongoing involvement; this will depend on the situation. Many mothers are able to go on and have new relationships or to have another child following past children’s services’ involvement. However, if there is significant risk of harm to an unborn child or a child children’s services have a duty to assess and intervene. You can find a summary of how children’s services work here. You have stated very clearly that you would ask for support, if you needed it, which is always a positive.
If you decide to have another baby, children’s services may consider doing a pre-birth assessment, as you have a child who is not in your care. It would be a good idea to inform them early in the pregnancy so that if an assessment is needed it starts early. We have full information about this in our advice pages for parents to be.
I would suggest that you discuss your past difficulties and historic children’s services’ involvement with a new partner. If they have a child/ren you and your partner could consider letting children’s services know that you are in a relationship and that if they wish to assess you would cooperate with this. I cannot predict if they would choose to assess, this would depend on the historic concerns and current situation.
Your daughter is not currently a Looked After Child as she is living with her aunt under a SGO. However, she may have been in the past if her aunt was her kinship foster carer, under a section 20 voluntary arrangement , prior to the SGO being made. You don’t mention care proceedings so I don’t think she was under an interim or full care order.
If your daughter was looked after before the SGO was made, she may be eligible for some support. Please see this advice sheet on education for kinship carers (page 11) and this advice sheet on children’s services duties to young people leaving care (section on qualifying young people, pages 4 and 5). If she has never been looked after, she should still flag up with college etc that she lives in kinship care as this may also give her priority for some support. The college may have a designated worker for looked after young people or those living in kinship care. She may be classed as an ‘independent student’ which may allow her to access support.
You may find information about support and services in our useful links.
I hope this helps.
Best wishes for the future.
Suzie
Re: Will my historic involvement with children's social care and child protection plan impact on any future relationship
Thank you Suzie for your reply.
Please can I seek further advice on a few points:
When you say future involvement depends on concerns in past / historic involvement, what types of things/concerns/investigations usually automatically incur further involvement and what doesn't please?
I don't know if there is different types of things in the past that mean they always become involved again.
If I ever do have a relationship with a father, I would be uncomfortable to go into depth of private family matters of the past. Would I have to do this? As services are not involved anymore so I would rather keep it in the past. But I'm unsure if I'm deemed as a risk on some system somewhere so they would become involved anyway. Despite the fact things are good now and fortunately I have frequent access to my daughter.
Kindest regards
Please can I seek further advice on a few points:
When you say future involvement depends on concerns in past / historic involvement, what types of things/concerns/investigations usually automatically incur further involvement and what doesn't please?
I don't know if there is different types of things in the past that mean they always become involved again.
If I ever do have a relationship with a father, I would be uncomfortable to go into depth of private family matters of the past. Would I have to do this? As services are not involved anymore so I would rather keep it in the past. But I'm unsure if I'm deemed as a risk on some system somewhere so they would become involved anyway. Despite the fact things are good now and fortunately I have frequent access to my daughter.
Kindest regards
-
Suzie, FRG Adviser
- Posts: 4260
- Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm
Re: Will my historic involvement with children's social care and child protection plan impact on any future relationship
Dear VVCW2
Thank you for your further post. I see that you wish to have advice on a few points, set out below.
• what types of things/concerns/investigations usually automatically incur further involvement and what doesn't
please
• If I ever do have a relationship with a father, I would be uncomfortable to go into depth of private family matters
of the past. Would I have to do this?
• But I'm unsure if I'm deemed as a risk on some system somewhere so they would become involved anyway.
Firstly, the concerns that might mean children’s services become involved again for example, you were having a baby are those that led to them becoming involved in the firs place. This would, I think, mean that they want to ensure that you have made significant changes, and it would be unlikely that the same issues would arise with another child.
Only children’s services can decide once they have completed an investigation whether it will be necessary or appropriate for them to remain involved.
If you were to have a relationship with a father, whilst I understand that you might want to keep things in the past, it would not be a good basis on which to start or have a relationship as should it come to light that your child was removed from your care, concerns about you being around his child or having a child with him would arise from your historical involvement of children’s services.
The fact of having had children’s services involvement is something you might want to share with someone with whom you intend to have a relationship. How much information you share would be something you can decide with time. Alternatively, it may be that he had previous involvement with children’s services. This is something you may want to know/consider as this would be a concern for children’s services were you to decide to have a child with him.
I am unclear why you say you may be deemed a risk on some system, if there were safeguarding issues in respect of your ability to care for a child, the home and yourself this is the historical information children’s services would have in their records.
As stated above, children’s services previous involvement with yourself or a father would be a reason for initial involvement. Whether this involvement continues would depend on the outcome of any assessment children’s services carried out. If it was considered that significant changes have been made and no issues of concern are present, the decision may be that no further involvement is necessary.
You may the information HEREabout having had a child removed and children’s services involvement.helpful.
It is possible for you to access RECORDS that children’s services hold about you and your child. This information might give you a better understanding of your current situation.
I hope you find this information useful.
Best wishes
Suzie
Thank you for your further post. I see that you wish to have advice on a few points, set out below.
• what types of things/concerns/investigations usually automatically incur further involvement and what doesn't
please
• If I ever do have a relationship with a father, I would be uncomfortable to go into depth of private family matters
of the past. Would I have to do this?
• But I'm unsure if I'm deemed as a risk on some system somewhere so they would become involved anyway.
Firstly, the concerns that might mean children’s services become involved again for example, you were having a baby are those that led to them becoming involved in the firs place. This would, I think, mean that they want to ensure that you have made significant changes, and it would be unlikely that the same issues would arise with another child.
Only children’s services can decide once they have completed an investigation whether it will be necessary or appropriate for them to remain involved.
If you were to have a relationship with a father, whilst I understand that you might want to keep things in the past, it would not be a good basis on which to start or have a relationship as should it come to light that your child was removed from your care, concerns about you being around his child or having a child with him would arise from your historical involvement of children’s services.
The fact of having had children’s services involvement is something you might want to share with someone with whom you intend to have a relationship. How much information you share would be something you can decide with time. Alternatively, it may be that he had previous involvement with children’s services. This is something you may want to know/consider as this would be a concern for children’s services were you to decide to have a child with him.
I am unclear why you say you may be deemed a risk on some system, if there were safeguarding issues in respect of your ability to care for a child, the home and yourself this is the historical information children’s services would have in their records.
As stated above, children’s services previous involvement with yourself or a father would be a reason for initial involvement. Whether this involvement continues would depend on the outcome of any assessment children’s services carried out. If it was considered that significant changes have been made and no issues of concern are present, the decision may be that no further involvement is necessary.
You may the information HEREabout having had a child removed and children’s services involvement.helpful.
It is possible for you to access RECORDS that children’s services hold about you and your child. This information might give you a better understanding of your current situation.
I hope you find this information useful.
Best wishes
Suzie
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