Morning. I’m new on here and this is my first post. I will try and keep things simple. Thank you in advance for your replies.
A few weeks before Christmas our son went into school and reported that I his father had kicked him. I did not kick him.
Our marriage has been going through a rocky patch progressively getting worse and admittedly the kids have seen to much arguing. There has never been any physical violence.
On the day that this happened I panicked and left the family home not telling my wife where I was. My wife subsequently reported me to the police and I was arrested for suspicion of child cruelty, manipulative and coercive behaviour and domestic violence. To none of which I am guilty. I was taken to the police station by two cars and five police men. Was put on bail till the new year. The bail has now been dropped with no farther action as my wife would not make a statement.
Our kids have been put on the child protection register for three months. I have moved out of family home.
My wife is very controlling and does not like it when things don’t go her way. Things started going bad when I started standing up to her. She has managed to turn all our friends against me. I am absolutely cut to the bone as I know none of this is true.
When I see my kids there has to be a third party cause they think I’m a danger to them. My wife is also threatening me with texts and videos she has of me shouting. She would poke and poke all day then bring her phone out and record me. I do shout but never physical.
Can someone give me there take on this. As a human I am broken how someone I love could do this to me.
I have not got a clue what to do. It is so unfair that I need a third party and my wife carry’s on like nothing has happened.
In the Child protection meeting I just agreed with everything they said in the hope that it would go away. They also said in report I had history of alcohol abuse which is not true. I had not had a drink in four years.
Should I tell social workers the truth about things my wife has done or just let things go.
Any help much appreciated
Child protection
-
Suzie, FRG Adviser
- Posts: 4240
- Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm
Re: Child protection
Dear woodnights22,
Welcome to the parents' forum and thank you for your post.
You say that a few weeks before Christmas, your son went into school and reported that you had kicked him. You deny this. You say that your marriage has been going through a difficult time and that your children have been exposed to you and your wife arguing. On the day your child made this disclosure, you left the family home and did not tell your wife where you were. Your wife reported you to the police and you were arrested on suspicion of child cruelty, manipulative and coercive behaviour and domestic violence. You deny all of this. You were placed on bail, which has now been dropped with no further as your wife did not make a statement. Your children have now been placed on a child protection plan and you have moved out of the family home. You say that your wife is controlling and that she has made up things about you and turned your friends against you. You are having supervised contact with your children and you say your wife is threatening you with texts and videos of you shouting. You say that she has provoked you into shouting. You feel that it is unfair that you have to have supervised contact. You say that you have agreed with things in the child protection meeting, hoping this would go away, and that the report incorrectly states that you have a history of alcohol abuse. You would like to know whether you speak to the social worker about the things you say about you wife or 'let it go.'
Firstly, I am sorry to hear that you are feeling distressed by the current situation. It is important you seek support in real life, and I would encourage you to speak to your GP who may be able to refer you for further support. Remember, you can contact the Samaritans at any time of any day on 116 123.
Secondly, your children are currently on a child protection plan based on concerns that have been raised about you and domestic violence. Children's services may expect you to engage with specific DV-related interventions given the allegations that have been made. You may find it difficult to engage with these interventions if you think you have been unfairly accused. I cannot speak to whether or not these allegations are true, and can only go off what you have said that they are not. You may find it helpful to speak to the social worker about why they have these concerns - they should be able to break it down for you. Of course, you may not agree, and can make this clear - but based on the available evidence, or what the social worker's assessment is, they may have concerns that you are minimising any risks or now showing sufficient insight.
Again, if you think you have been treated unfairly and that the social worker is misrepresenting your behaviour, you may want to consider making a complaint. Take a look here for more information on how to do this. You could also consider seeking the support of an advocate in your local area to help represent your views.
From what you say about your wife's behaviour, this may amount to domestic abuse and therefore something the social worker should be aware of. Please note that the social worker may still have concerns about your behaviour and I cannot guarantee how they will respond. The social worker is likely to conclude that your relationship with your wife is not in children's best interests and may continue to recommend you live apart. Ultimately, this is a decision you and your wife will have to make. If you would like to talk this over with someone, Respect run an advice line for male victims of domestic abuse on 0808 8010327.
In relation to contact with your children, children's services may have had concerns that you pose a risk to them and therefore recommended supervised contact. You could ask the social worker to risk assess you for unsupervised contact. Note that anything children's services says is just a recommendation as they do not have the power to enforce contact arrangements. However, if you do not follow these and if they think your children are being placed at risk of significant harm, they may escalate their level of involvement, which could include seeking legal advice. Again, you may want to make a formal complaint about this recommendation.
Another option is for you to seek legal advice with a view to applying to court for contact with your children. This would put the matter in front of a judge, you will decide how and when you should have contact with the children. For free and confidential advice on making an application for a child arrangements order, call Child Law Advice on 0300 330 5480.
I hope you have found this helpful.
Best wishes,
Suzie.
Welcome to the parents' forum and thank you for your post.
You say that a few weeks before Christmas, your son went into school and reported that you had kicked him. You deny this. You say that your marriage has been going through a difficult time and that your children have been exposed to you and your wife arguing. On the day your child made this disclosure, you left the family home and did not tell your wife where you were. Your wife reported you to the police and you were arrested on suspicion of child cruelty, manipulative and coercive behaviour and domestic violence. You deny all of this. You were placed on bail, which has now been dropped with no further as your wife did not make a statement. Your children have now been placed on a child protection plan and you have moved out of the family home. You say that your wife is controlling and that she has made up things about you and turned your friends against you. You are having supervised contact with your children and you say your wife is threatening you with texts and videos of you shouting. You say that she has provoked you into shouting. You feel that it is unfair that you have to have supervised contact. You say that you have agreed with things in the child protection meeting, hoping this would go away, and that the report incorrectly states that you have a history of alcohol abuse. You would like to know whether you speak to the social worker about the things you say about you wife or 'let it go.'
Firstly, I am sorry to hear that you are feeling distressed by the current situation. It is important you seek support in real life, and I would encourage you to speak to your GP who may be able to refer you for further support. Remember, you can contact the Samaritans at any time of any day on 116 123.
Secondly, your children are currently on a child protection plan based on concerns that have been raised about you and domestic violence. Children's services may expect you to engage with specific DV-related interventions given the allegations that have been made. You may find it difficult to engage with these interventions if you think you have been unfairly accused. I cannot speak to whether or not these allegations are true, and can only go off what you have said that they are not. You may find it helpful to speak to the social worker about why they have these concerns - they should be able to break it down for you. Of course, you may not agree, and can make this clear - but based on the available evidence, or what the social worker's assessment is, they may have concerns that you are minimising any risks or now showing sufficient insight.
Again, if you think you have been treated unfairly and that the social worker is misrepresenting your behaviour, you may want to consider making a complaint. Take a look here for more information on how to do this. You could also consider seeking the support of an advocate in your local area to help represent your views.
From what you say about your wife's behaviour, this may amount to domestic abuse and therefore something the social worker should be aware of. Please note that the social worker may still have concerns about your behaviour and I cannot guarantee how they will respond. The social worker is likely to conclude that your relationship with your wife is not in children's best interests and may continue to recommend you live apart. Ultimately, this is a decision you and your wife will have to make. If you would like to talk this over with someone, Respect run an advice line for male victims of domestic abuse on 0808 8010327.
In relation to contact with your children, children's services may have had concerns that you pose a risk to them and therefore recommended supervised contact. You could ask the social worker to risk assess you for unsupervised contact. Note that anything children's services says is just a recommendation as they do not have the power to enforce contact arrangements. However, if you do not follow these and if they think your children are being placed at risk of significant harm, they may escalate their level of involvement, which could include seeking legal advice. Again, you may want to make a formal complaint about this recommendation.
Another option is for you to seek legal advice with a view to applying to court for contact with your children. This would put the matter in front of a judge, you will decide how and when you should have contact with the children. For free and confidential advice on making an application for a child arrangements order, call Child Law Advice on 0300 330 5480.
I hope you have found this helpful.
Best wishes,
Suzie.
Who is online
In total there are 0 users online :: 0 registered, 0 hidden and 0 guests (based on users active over the past 5 minutes)
Most users ever online was 318 on Fri May 28, 2021 9:04 pm