What’s the best thing? Bail? Social services?

[Milesaway.]

Hi,

My ex partner is currently on bail for DV. Social services were involved but had no concerns for me as a mother and signed me off. They tried to put ex partner on a course for his alcohol and he never attended no sessions. He’s also on bail for drink driving. Social services said for me to get a mural party for him to see his daughter, my daughter was dropped off and he’s now refusing to let her home. He’s not suppose to have no contact with me, but due to him having my daughter I have spoken to him. He’s saying that he wants me to make him a priority and to also spend the night with him and she can be returned. Can I just turn up to meet him and leave with her and stop all contact? If I call police will social services take my daughter?

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Thank you for your post on the Family Rights Parents’ Forum.

My name is Suzie, I am an online adviser and will be replying to your enquiry today.
I’m very sorry to hear about the upsetting situation that arose after your efforts in arranging this contact for your child and her father.

It could put you at risk to go to your ex-partner’s address without professional support. There would also be a risk of your daughter witnessing conflict if you were to go alone.

In the first instance you could contact Children’s Services to let them know what your ex is saying and discuss a possible need for police assistance with them. Thereafter Police on 101 number may be able to help or you could report online by following this link
Police contact

Children’s Services considered you to be a protective parent to your daughter and then asked you to make the contact arrangements independently. However, given your ex’s recent actions you could now request more help in deciding on and arranging future interactions with your ex around the contact. It would also be a good idea to let Children’s Services know how and why you feel you were put in the position of communicating with your ex-partner on this occasion even though in general you feel it is safer not to do so.

One way you could seek support is to ask Children’s Services to complete a Child in Need assessment for your daughter so that they can work with you to ensure that she is protected from potential emotional harm due to her father’s domestic abuse.
Information about Child in Need assessments and plans is here Child in Need

I am also sending you a link to information from the Family Rights Group website for mothers experiencing domestic abuse. This includes advice on contact arrangements. Domestic Abuse advice for Mothers

Information about further help for people experiencing domestic abuse can be found in this link. Domestic abuse support

You may also wish to seek legal advice from a solicitor on seeking a Child Arrangements Order so that contact and all other arrangements for your daughter can be considered by a Family Court. As someone who has experienced domestic abuse you have access to Legal Aid to cover the cost of a solicitor. A list of Law Society approved solicitors is here.

Solicitors
You may find additional support through Flows, or Affordable Justice. You can link to this service here
access to legal advice

Advice Now has some helpful information about sorting out arrangements for children, here is a link to their website. Advice Now
If you would like to seek further advice from Family Rights Group you could post again on this forum, or call the Advice Line on 0808 801 0366 to speak with one of our advisers. The Advice Line is open from Monday to Friday from 9.30am-3pm.
Other ways to contact us can be found here Further advice