Social services / ex partner dv

[Yellow23]

Hi I am currently single and a mother of a 6yr old, I have had a slow rship breakdown/ step back whilst we figure out what we both want in life and to take some time to self care / aid ourselves, ex has moved out my property no longer is around me when I have my son and I see him every so often when both are free.. recently spend a free night together whereby he got intoxicated and ended up in what I can discribe as a breakdown (business recently failed moving out family home etc) however resulted in 999 call by myself for his safety as he was quite erratic in behaviour and did damage a lamp in my home. Subsequently arrested removed bailed etc, SS are naturally involved as fits DV and I told them on the phone that we weren’t both 100% in the rship we were living seperate spending little time together and no time around my son together. Due to this they’ve said assessment may be quick and he will not need to be looked at but is currently high risk, is he high risk because he hasn’t been assessed and if so would this be lowered? I’m unsure of asking SS incase they assume I want to continue a “relationship” when I don’t when issues that lead to us living seperately still aren’t resolved however I am quite nosey and would like to know without making myself look like I am not thinking in my sons best interest.. any advice please

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Yellow23

Welcome the Family Rights Group parents’ discussion forum.

My name is Suzie online adviser at Family Rights Group. I see from your post that children’s services (the new name for social services) have become involved with your family following a police call out to your home when your ex-partner was arrested.

You were separated from your ex-partner whilst you both tried to work out where your relationship is going. The times you spend together does not include your 6-year-old son. Although not specifically mentioned in your post, it seems that children’s services may have been previously involved because of the issues in the relationship and the decision that your ex-partner could not be around our son. As you separated this may have been the reason children’s services was not actively involved.

I your post you mention your ex-partner being assessed by children’s services. It is not clear why he would need to be assessed if you are no longer in a relationship and have no intention of doing so. Children’s services will carry out an investigation to ensure that your son is being safely looked after and whether you require any support.

Your ex-partner status as high risk seems to relate to his current behaviour and perhaps previous incidents involving you or others. Children’s services may be concerned about your interest whether his risk factor could be lowered if you do not want to be in a relationship anyway. If you do want to be in a relationship with your ex-partner, it is better to be open and honest with children’s services about that so proper risk assessment of him can be done. If you pretend not to be in a relationship and then it comes to light that you are really then this will put, you in a difficult position as children’s services are likely form the view that you are dishonest and cannot be trusted to keep your son safe.

There would be no reason for children’s services to include your ex-partner in any assessment they are doing since you have told them you are not together.

You may find it helpful to read the information HERE from our website about what happens when domestic abuse is an issue for children’s services. There is also a GUIDE you can read about how to work with social workers.

Should you wish to speak with on our experienced advisers, you can telephone our free confidential advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30am to 3.00pm Monday to Friday (excluding Bank Holidays).

Hope you will find this helpful.

Best wishes

Suzie

[Yellow23]

Hi thanks,

The decision to seperate my rship from my son was my own choice, however ss been involved prior - ended with early help,
They have now closed assessment which says that I would need to inform them if I resume relationship with ex and assessment needed before he can be around my son.
The social worker said on the phone to me before report was issued that I’m an adult and they can’t stop who I see however if my son is involved to let them know.. I’m now confused as to am I allowed to see him in my child free time etc or would this also aid me having to tell social services

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Yellow23,

You say that early help has been involved previously but your decision to separate your relationship from your son was your own choice. Children's services have now closed the assessment, which states that you would need to inform them if you resume your relationship with your ex-partner and that he would need to be assessed before he could be around your son. The social worker informed you over the phone that they cannot stop who you see but that you should inform them if your son is involved. You are confused if you are able to see your ex-partner in your child free time or whether you would have to tell children's services.

From what you have said, it is clear that children's services have concerns about your ex-partner given his previous behaviour and the risk that he may pose to your son. The assessment states that you should inform children's services if you resume the relationship. Children's services may have concerns about your choice to continue seeing your ex-partner, even if your son is not there. This is because they may be concerned about your ability to assess risk and whether things will develop into a relationship. As you say, you are able to make this decision, however, children's services also have a duty to act to safeguard your child if they think he is at risk.

As you are not clear whether or not children's services would like you to inform them if you begin seeing you ex-partner, even if your son is not there, I would advise that you contact your previous social worker to clarify this aspect of the report. They will also be able to tell you what steps they may take if you do begin to see him. This also shows that you are willing to work openly and honestly with children's services.

Best wishes,

Suzie.