Confused about SS involvement

[Saturn90]

Hello, I'm after some advice or clarification because I'm sick with anxiety and not sure what my rights are/where I stand.

My partner (not my daughter's biological father), was arrested for indecent exposure and malicious communication at the beginning of our relationship; a complaint from his ex partner and mother of his child. The complaint was retrospective and not at the time of the offence- it only happened after she learned he was in a new relationship. She has since ceased all contact between him and his child, and he has hired a solicitor. The police investigation came back NFA after all of his devices were seized and forensically analysed. After the NFA ruling, his ex tried to add on additional complaints and was rejected by the police.

She subsequently began to post my full name and location in social media posts, create anonymous accounts to try to talk to me (and discredit him- providing no information I wasn't already aware of), and use ghost accounts to follow our private couple's account on a BDSM website (something that is consensually engaged in, and only done when my child is at her biological father's for the weekend). These issues were reported to the police.

At the time of his arrest, to do my own due diligence (as obviously you can believe and trust your partner, but as a parent any allegations from an ex-partner create a red flag), I conducted a Clare's Law and Sarah's Law application. The Clare's Law told me what my partner had already disclosed to me- the malicious communication and indecent exposure. The Sarah's Law told me the bail condition he was under during the course of the investigation- which was to have no unsupervised contact with children (due to the indecent exposure allegation- because it was outdoors during daytime and his ex partner alleged a child could have seen). After receiving the messages from his ex-partner under an anonymous account, I also emailed the detective constable who had been in charge of the investigation into my partner. My partner gave his full permission for any information to be disclosed to me. I asked for clarification on some things, why I had not been contacted in terms of child-safeguarding etc. The DC responded saying they saw no reason to involve either SS for myself and my daughter, or conduct any safeguarding processes.

On the same day my partner's ex was served with court documents for the first appearance of the custody battle, she maliciously reported me to social services. She alleged that the BDSM lifestyle we engage in is non-consensual and that my child is exposed to sexual behaviours in the home. She provided details of his indecent exposure arrest and has since referred herself to a DV charity (after she discovered she would not be entitled to legal aid for the custody dispute unless there was a complaint of DV in the relationship). The only complaint of DV during the course of their relationship was her being physically abusive to him; there was a police visit and my partner's face was photographed etc.

Since the SS referral and an instant section 47, they have deemed my daughter's home circumstances excellent, my personal parenting excellent, my safeguarding and protective parenting excellent. I have a very healthy co-parenting relationship with my daughter's father and communicated the issues surrounding this referral to him. However, they instantly declared my partner should not have any in-person contact with my daughter until we go to an initial child protection conference. They seemed surprised I had already conducted Clare's and Sarah's Law's applications, and asked me to do them again. I did, (still waiting on the Clare's Law as it takes so long) and the Sarah's Law disclosed nothing now that the bail condition is no longer applicable. I confirmed this with SS.

After the second visit, the social worker said she could see the BDSM engagement was not a concern and that my daughter has never been privy to any inappropriate behaviour, nor do they believe it is non-consensual or that I am subject to manipulation or coercion. She said she could also see there was nothing but positive feedback regarding my partner, from both my daughter's father and my daughter.

My daughter has been devastated she has not seen my partner; we've had many tears despite video calls together (she thinks he is on a long course for work), and she never stops asking when we'll next see him. He's been instrumental in supporting the both of us during her ADHD diagnosis, and my daughter now regards him as a parent and clearly loves him very dearly.

At the second visit; the social worker informed me there was a backlog, so the initial child protection conference would take an additional three weeks from the 15 working days it was meant to be. I asked if in-person supervised contact was then possible considering the delay and the considerable emotional distress caused at home. I received a response from the SW's manager to say no, they still advised no in-person contact until the child protection conference was over; that they were waiting on further information from the police; and that they needed to conduct a risk assessment of my partner first. He is of course cooperating with whatever they want.

I have gone above and beyond even before SS involvement to do my own safeguarding, and have been told repeatedly by authorities that they have not felt there are any significant needs to safeguard and no risk to children. This is the healthiest, most supportive and respectful relationship I have ever been in, and the only man who has been introduced to my daughter's life. I was single for four years before this because I did not want to bring the wrong person in to my home.

I'm so frustrated and anxious, I have barely slept or eaten a full meal since all of this because I have a constant pit of nausea. I've started getting anxiety attacks and my stress-related eczema has flared up terribly. My daughter has an important medical appointment this week and will require emotional support; the thought that he wont be there to assist even just from a transport perspective so I can concentrate on her is just incomprehensible right now.

I have tried to look in to solicitors or advocates for this conference, but it seems family law with legal aid is non-existent. What kind of position would I be putting myself in if I asked his help for the appointment? Do I have any right to dispute what they say, especially considering the personal safeguarding steps I have taken are more than adequate?

Thanks in advance, I apologise this is so long.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Saturn90

Thank you for your post. My name is Suzie, I am an online adviser and will be responding to you today.

I am sorry to hear of your frustrations and the delay in the child protection process. As you rightly say, Government guidance sets out that an initial child protection conference should take place no longer than 15 days after it has been agreed one should be held (Working Together to Safeguard Children 2018). You may wish to raise this matter, via a formal complaint, to children’s services. I have added a link HERE to the child protection process and a link HERE to the complaints process. I hope you find them both helpful.

You can have an advocate/support at the initial child protection conference. I have added a template letter HERE- (Letter 1) to make a request to children’s services however, it is worth noting that unless you have additional needs it can be very difficult to find and secure a formal advocate. You are within your rights to take a trusted family or friend to the conference for support. Should you wish to do this, then you would need to inform the chair of the meeting prior to it taking place.

In respect of your daughter’s hospital appointment and children’s services request that no contact should take place until a risk assessment has been completed. This is a request by children’s services. They have no jurisdiction in making it however, I would encourage you to work with them otherwise they may escalate the matter.

It would be a good idea to ask the social worker, in writing (email) the timescale for completing the risk assessment. This is particularly important given they have told you that there is a three-week delay regarding the initial child protection conference.

I am sorry to hear of the distress and anxiety you are experiencing when thinking about your daughter’s forthcoming medical appointment. Is there someone else that may be able to attend with you? To support you and your child whilst your partner is unable to attend. Hopefully you have a good support network to help you through this situation. You could also and/or seek support from your GP who may be able to provide some practical advice (transport) and emotional support (talking therapies). I have added a link HERE to NHS guidance regarding therapeutic support.

I have added a link HERE to Child Law Advice. They are a law charity that provides information and guidance regarding Private Law matters. This is the process your partner is now involved in with his ex partner regarding child arrangements.

I hope you find this information helpful. To speak to an adviser, please call our free and confidential advice line 0808 801 0366 (Monday to Friday 9.30am to 3pm, excluding Bank Holidays). For Textphone dial 18001 followed by the advice line number. Or you can ask a question via email using our advice enquiry form, or post again on here. There is also a webchat service that you may wish to access. The webchat is not a bot, you will be answered by one of our advisers. Details HERE.

Best wishes, Suzie.