Socials taking fathers side

[Butterflygurl88]

I hope someone can shed light on this, my family are currently going through Child in need assessment plan.
Socials came about it when my ex partner (kids dad) shared his concerns when he caused conflicted outside my house and when the police arrive blamed me and my current partner saying he beats me and we do drugs together and so on. (Note my current partner wasn’t even there). So I had an assessment done. A written agreement was completed which stated that my new partner can’t have any contact with my children, and if there is any conflict where to children are there then my kids have to go in to my mothers or their dads care.
So I need to mention my ex partner he has been crazy mad since he found out I had a partner, threats of using his key at the time to come in when ever he wants and hit whoever is in the house, number of conflict outside my house when children are then getting picked up or dropped off of him shouting at me over all sorts of problems, texts threats phone calls he even tried fighting my current partner outside a busy swimming place in front out loads of children. So my question is
Now the socials are involved they seem to be siding with my ex partner kids dad, they have opened they let him call the police when they said to me to go get my children from school as he was stopping me from doing so saying I cant have my children unsupervised, so from that he turned up at my house with police repeated to bang on my door have the police come into my house search my house get my children out of bed and socials just turned a blind eye to it, he has smashed my shed up and it continues yet socials are concerned for my current partner who has not done anything let alone infront of the children and it’s all false allegations.
Socials have told the father something very confidential that I pleaded to them not to say him as it will just make things worst and he is so abusive she ignored my request told him and from that I’ve had my door broken, girls exposed to more police visits, phone calls to police meaning they turn up for welfare checks more exposing them to police, and the most current one is my next child in need meeting I was asked by socials if I want my mum in the meeting I said no as it’s pointless the kids father said yes which socials said well what we are doing to do is not have your mum in your part of the meeting but then bring her in the second part (as my ex partner is abusive I’ve had to have separate meeting) I said that basically they are ignoring my request and going with his as she will hear the same things I questioned it and they said well it’s happening so my request is being ignored. The same meeting their dad(my ex partner) has mentioned to them he can’t do that day and they have changed the date but the last meeting we had I asked if it can be changed as it my was little girls leaver assembly at nursery and I was declined and had to miss parts of her leavers assembly to be in the meeting (online) with her teacher, how embarrassing, oh and the kids dad who has known about this meeting for 7 weeks is going on a stag do. Who puts their children first definitely not this guy!
So I’m also wondering if as it says a lot of paper work everything socials do is voluntary what power do I have of this if their dad is saying yes (as a way to control me as he has lost all other way to) and I’m saying no I don’t want their involvement?
Any help advise would be great full thank you

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Butterflygurl88,


Thank you for your post and welcome to the parents' board.

You say that your children are currently undergoing a child in need assessment. You say that your ex-partner informed children's services of concerns that he had about your new partner. A written agreement was completed with children's services that stated that your new partner could not have any contact with your children. You say that your ex-partner has caused many problems for you and acted abusively since finding out that you are in a new relationship. You feel that children's services are siding with your ex-partner and are turning a blind eye to his abusive behaviour. You say that the social worker told your ex-partner something confidential that put you at risk. You are concerned that your ex-partner is bringing your mother to his child in need meeting when you said you did not want her to attend with you. You want to know where you stand in terms of denying children's services involvement as your ex-partner says that he wants them to remain involved.

Firstly, I am sorry to hear about the situation you are in. It might be helpful for you to read a bit more about child in need plans here. A child in need plan is voluntary, however, if your children's father consents and you do not, it is likely that children's services will remain involved and work with him at the very least. If they feel as though you are not working with them and that there are significant enough concerns, they may escalate their level of involvement to child protection enquiries, which could lead to your children being placed on a child protection plan.

It sounds as though children's services may have some concerns about your new partner. It would be helpful for you to understand what these concerns are and what steps they would like you to take to address these. This does not remove from the fact that you are finding your ex-partner's behaviour controlling and abusive. I would advise that you speak to the social worker first and foremost. Take some notes on why you feel this way and what the social worker could do differently so that you have a better working relationship. You should express concerns about issues that were disclosed to your ex-partner without your permission. As the children's father, the social worker will include him in any ongoing involvement, however, information that may put you and your children at risk should not be shared. If you are not satisfied with the social worker's response, you may want to make a formal complaint about the issues you have outlined above. Take a look here for more information on how to do this and how to escalate a complaint.

Best wishes,

Suzie.