Partner has been accused of sexual communication with a child

[Anonymous84]

Hi
I'm just looking for advice really...
I have 2 children 8 and 5 and live with my partner. Back in November 2022 my partner was informed that his dad had been arressted we didn't know what for and his dad disclosed it was too do with drugs. Fast forward 2 weeks me and partner get a call from SS that he had actually been accused of viewing/downloading inappriotte images of under 18s they wouldn't give us any further information but advised that he was only allowed supervised contact. I didn't want any contact due to the nature of the acussation but my partner believed in incioncent until proven guilty. We didn't allow contact until March 2023 when my partner expressed that his father was feeling depressed and wanted to see the children I allowed it in a public park with my partner supervising them for 30 mins. 2 weeks later we both get a call from SS again as my partner sent a video to his dad of them all playing in the park together on that day. The informed us that they needed to do an assessment which we agreed to. However they would still not disclose the excat nature of the crime and the police refused to as well, Just before their visit his dad pleaded guiltyt o all counts and it was passed over to crown court. We are still awaiting his sentencing at that time me and partner decided to end contact with our children and their grandfather as he had admitted to crimes and plead guilty. A few weeks later my partners best friend wife knocks on my door and claims that my partner had been messaging her 14 year old daughter inapprioatley. I was in complete shock espically after what happened with my partners dad. I informed her she needed to go to the police but she refused. I was still in contact with the previous social worker and reported it straight to her however she said there was nothing she could do and had meet my partner and assessed him and had no issues. 1 week later I get a message from the wife that she had called the police. My partner was currently living away and I hadn't really spoke to him. He was arressted and released on bail only allowed supervised contact with our children. This ment I could no longer work as he would care for the children whlist I worked on the weekends and early mornings. I again informed the social worker who said it was my choice to allow unsupervised contact when I said about the bail conditions she said she would call the police and get back to me. This was over 4 weeks ago and despite numerous calls and text messages I have been ignored. I managed to speak to a police officer involved in the investigation who also tried to contact SS with no luck. My partner admits he should have never taken her phone number or messaged her but he thought it was OK because his best friend's asked him too I have read the conversation and nothing of a sexual nature was said he was teasing her about having a boyfriend which I said was still inapprioatte but he did not send images or ask for any kind of sexual things. I do not beleieve he is any danger to our children but I have been left in limbo. The officer said that is low level and likely will be dropped but have to weight 3 months to look at my partners phone he hasn't lived at home for 5 weeks now and I'm very concerned about the mental status of our children having already lost their grandfather it feels like they are losing their dad too. His solicitor has asked that he has 2 hours unsupervised contact a day so that I can return to work and the children can have some king of normality. What is more confusing for myself is his best friend's wife will not stop messaging me asking if my partner is OK and can she borrow his things I find it very strange considering what she has acussed him off. He is not allowed to communicate with his bestfriend/wife but they are asking other to contact him on their behalf if he responds its breaking his bail conditions but there is no consequences for them.
one officer said my partner needs an assessment by SS then he can have unsupervised contact but another officer said that's not true. SS will not reply to me nor the police which I find very strange. I feel alone in all this and confused I'm worried sick about the impact on my kids and the officer said this will probably drag out and end in nothing. My partners solicter always believes no chargers will be brought. My partner is not currently living her but with his father which is very awkward has been partner had begun to cut contact due to the nature of his crimes. My partners father is going to be sentenced next week and I beleieve he is looking at prison time where will my partner live if his dad goes to prison? This is all a mess and my children really miss having their dad here with them. Me and my mum are supervising contact but my eldest can deff tell something is going on
Any advice would be great

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Anonymous84

Welcome to the parents’ discussion forum and thank you for posting.

My name is Suzie, online adviser at Family Rights Group. I am sorry that you are going through such a difficult time following the arrest of your partner’s father and your partner in respect of sexual offences. His father is awaiting sentencing after pleading guilty. From what you say in your post, you are finding it hard to understand the process you are involved in because of lack of communication from children’s services.

It is unfortunate that your partner has now been arrested for having inappropriate telephone contact with an underage child. You say you have read the messages and do not believe there is anything sexual in them. Also, that your partner took the child’s number because his best friend asked him to, it seems that this friend is not the child’s father.
Your partner has bail conditions and should ensure that he sticks to these as failure to do so could cause him more problems. It is helpful that his solicitor is planning to have his bail conditions changed. The issue with that for you is that children’s services will have concerns about your partner having unsupervised contact with the children until they have had an opportunity to carry out a risk assessment of him. It will also be of concern that the police has not yet completed their investigations

In your post you mention that you do not believe your partner is a danger to the children, This might be correct but children’s services expect you to ensure that your children are safe and that you are not minimising or justifying your partner’s behaviour. The fact that you informed the mother to contact the police when you learned of your partner's behaviour is good as this may be seen as you taking appropriate action.


Children’s services should have been very open with you about what they need you to do and what assessment they intend to carry out of the family. The nature of the allegations against your partner might mean children’s service carrying out child protection or child in need assessment. It is important that you ask the social worker what assessment is going to be done.

I think it is important that you understand that children’s service may remain involved even if the police decide not to continue a case against your partner. This is because children’s services are concerned about safeguarding children and police in having enough evidence for a successful prosecution.

Please read information from our website about the procedures children’s services follow when they receive a safeguarding referral as well as child protection and child in need

Here is information relating to children’s services when sexual abuse is a concern.

If the social worker is not giving you information to help you understand the process, you can ask to have a meeting with the social worker’s team manager to discuss your concerns.

You may also find it helpful to contact the Lucy Faithfull Foundation on 0808 100 0900. The NSPCC can advise about mothers as protectors.

Should you wish to speak to an adviser you can telephone our advice service on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30am to 3.00pm Monday to Friday (excluding Bank Holidays).

I hope you find the information helpful.

Best wishes

Suzie

[Anonymous84]

Hi suzie
Thanks for the advice. I was contacted by a social worker on Wednesday 6 weeks after the initial arrest! She claimed they had only recicved a refferal from the police that day! Which I am shocked at! She said a section 47 meeting was held and came to speak to me and my partner and asked us to sign a peice of paper stating whlist the investigation is on going he can't have unsupervised contact which is fine and we were doing as part of his bail conditions. She said she had no concerns with myself or partner and this was all a "formality and tick boxes as they had recicved a refferal" and likely it would be closed. She said that the officer investigating would come with herself to speak to me and my partner seperatley on Friday. This never happened and the social worker informed me she would be away for 3 weeks now and I would not be contacted. Before this I had no contact from any services police or SS after the initial arresst. This all seemed to be triggered because my partner sent an email to the officer investigating through his solicitor asking for 2 hours unsupervised contact a day so I could return to work (I haven't been able to go to my job since this happened). 1 week later my parnter recicved a reply that his request was under consideration then the next day we had the contact from SS. I find it hard to believe that this was the first time the SS had a refferal after 6 weeks of the initial arresst. Someone seems to be lying. Either the police never sent a refferal or SS never acted on it until this point. The officer investigating as ignored my emails asking for updates. The family who made the complaint have been harassing myself and my children, by continuing to send me messages and when I blocked them all they started turning up at my parents house and driving past my house. I have sent all the evidence of this to the police but they have ignored me. Then on Friday my parnter was visiting the children and he got a phone call from the officer asking him to meet them at a park to answer some questions he left abruptly and I later found out they arressted him again. My kids were destrate they didn't understand what was going on I called the officer in charge and she could hear how upset my children were and said she would allow him to call me to speak to them. She also said she would call me once he was released to collect him neither of these things happened. My partner said they arressted him because he spoke to a friend on the phone who is also friends with the family involved they didn't discuss the case or the family involved and this person was not part of his bail agreement. But now they have added this person to it and he is not allowed to this person address because the family involved sometimes go over there. This whole situation is a nightmare. His solicter is very confident that this will all be dropped and has been blown way out of proprotion. I feel the officer investigating is treating him as guilty before as she said it hasn't even been investigated. Their attitude towards me changed because I refused to give a statement about what my partner told me when I confronted him with the situation.I don't want to be involved and all I know is what my partner told me i don't see how this is useful at all and when I put this to them they said I don't have to give one. They have ignored every email I sent I feel a compliant needs to be made for the treatment of myself and my children .

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Anonymous84

Thank you for your further post. I am sorry that you and your children are still experiencing difficulties.

You are concerned about the gap between your partner’s initial arrest and children’s services stating that they had received a referral from the police. If you wish to clarify this further you would need to ask the police to clarify when they sent the referral through. Or you could do an access to records request to children’s services to clarify the timeline. From what you say, you are unhappy with how both children’s services and the police are working with you and your family at present.

The referral from police triggered a strategy meeting to decide if a child protection investigation was necessary. This meeting also considered what action, if any, needed to be in place to make sure that the children are not put at risk of harm. From the information provided, children’s services asked you and your partner to sign a written agreement to confirm that he will not have any unsupervised contact with the children during the ongoing police investigation. You were both happy to agree to this and this was already required as part of your partner’s bail conditions. He already has a criminal solicitor who is advising him in relation to the criminal investigation and bail conditions. Has the social worker confirmed to you that this is a child in need assessment at present?

I am sorry that you are experiencing harassment from the family of the child your partner allegedly contacted. You have acted very appropriately by reporting this to the police. As they have ignored you, you may need to chase this up with them to clarify how they propose to respond to your concerns.

Your partner has subsequently been arrested again and his bail conditions extended to prohibit contact with a mutual acquaintance of the family of the alleged victim. You have also explained why you have chosen not to give a statement in relation to what your partner said when you challenged him about the allegation.

I can understand that it is very stressful managing this whole situation and trying to keep the children from being affected. It has also had a huge impact on your family and your employment as you are unable to work now as your partner cannot care for the children.

A lot of your concerns are about the criminal justice process and the police’s actions. They have a duty to investigate where a crime may have been committed. Unfortunately, I cannot advise on this aspect. You are wondering about making a complaint. You can find information about making a complaint about the police here. And this information from Stop it Now about the criminal justice process here may be useful.

You are also unhappy about delays and lack of contact by children’s services. The social worker said she would be away for three weeks. However, if you need an update , have any further questions, or need more clarity about the situation you can contact their manager or a duty social worker in the meantime. At present, children’s services’ main recommendation to you and your partner is that you continue to ensure that he is supervised around the children. You have both agreed to this with children’s services and it continues to be part of your partner’s bail conditions. This is usual when a parent is under police investigation for an alleged sexual offence against a child. Children’s Services work on the balance of probabilities and are the lead agency when it comes to protecting children. This guide to working with social workers may be helpful too. It provides tips on how to ensure good communication and to address difficulties. We have information about making complaints here, should you need it.

You may be interested in the following service which offers peer support to families where an adult is being investigated for online sexual offences: Talking Forward. And the Stop it Now website has a family and friends forum too.

I hope this is helpful. If you have any further queries please post back of call our freephone advice line on 0808 8010366, Mon to Fri, 9.30 am to 3.00 pm (except bank holidays). Or you can send an advice enquiry form or use our webchat.

Best wishes

Suzie

[Anonymous84]

Hi Suzie
Thanks again for some great advice. The officer in charge was suppose to contact me again to re arrange the meeting she canceled but it has been over 1 week and still no reply.
The Social worker did not mention anything about an assessment just asked us both to sign an agreement that we would keep to the bail conditions this was witnessed by my mother. My partner has still not heard anything back from his socliter in regards to his request for 2 hours of unsupervised contact. He has chased them up but no reply so far. I am most concerned for my children their father has abruptly left the family home and can only visit in the presence of myself or my parents. I understand they must investigate the allegation but they should not make comments to my self that "this isn't going to come to anything" it gives false hope. They told me that had sent a refferal the day after the initial arrest but SS said they did not receieve one until 6 weeks after the arrest. I just feel so lost in all this and don't know what to do from here.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Anonymous84,

I am sorry to hear you are feeling this way. I would urge you to revisit my previous advice and for your partner to continue to try to make contact with his solicitor regarding his bail conditions.

Best wishes,

Suzie.

[Anonymous84]

Hi suzie
I have a small update. We were visited by a different social worker last week to check on us. She spoke to my partner and again said that from SS point of view they had no concerns with him and to follow the bail conditions. I expressed the lack of communication from the police and the SS said she would call the officer, she did call the officer but she didn't get a reply. I again tried to call the officer and sent her a text messages which was again ignored. I felt I had no choice so I wrote a formal complaint about the officer involved behaviour. I got a call today from an officer in the complaints team she said she would ask the officer to call me with an update. I said I no longer wanted to be contacted by that officer due to her behaviour. She understood and said that her supervisor would call me to address my concerns. Well this didn't happen. I am extremely disappointed with the treatment of myself and children. I am going to give them another 24 hours before I file another complaint. When will this end honestly...

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Anonymous84

Thanks for the update. I am sorry to hear that you are still very unhappy with how the police communicate with you. The social worker tried to contact the police officer too but got no response. You have now been in touch with the police complaints team and were promised a call back from a supervisor which had not happened at the time you posted. You intended waiting another day before complaining further.

I hope you have managed to get a response by now. We are not able to provide any further advice on complaints about the police, however, you may find that one of the peer support services I recommended in an earlier post, Talking Forward or the Stop it Now Family and Friends Forum may be able to give you some suggestions or advice. based on their experience.

Please do post back if you have any new queries in relation to children’s services’ involvement. Or, if you would like to discuss the situation with an adviser please call our freephone advice line on 0808 8010366, the lines are open Mon to Fri, from 9.30 am to 3.00 pm (except bank holidays).

I hope this helps.

Best wishes

Suzie

[Anonymous84]

Hi Suzie
A lot has happened since my last post. Since my complaint about the officer in charge. Her manger (senior officer) called me to address the concerns that I raised. He was very rude and quote said me and my children were not victims so the police had no obligation to contact me or keep me updated. He said that he would arrange a meeting bewteen myself, my partner our social worker and the officer in charge so that she could address the concerns. I wasn't happy again with his attitude, so I again loaded a further complaint. The meeting was due and me and my partner turned up with the social worker to be told the officer wasn't in that day. I was very angry and all of sudden another officer appears who said she will do the meeting. This officer and the social worker agreed that my partner should be back living at home and not at his father's house (due to his father's convictions) and both asked my partner to request a change to his bail via his socilter which he did, yet still hasn't heard anything at the time of writing this. The social worker again expressed no conerns about my partner and said this was all a precaution as they didn't want anything legally to come back on them if they did find something. The officer said she expected NFA but would have to wait for the phone download. 2 weeks ago the social worker contacted me to say the case was closed from their end as they had no concerns with myself or parnter and felt that the children were not at risk and sent me a closure letter which stated that the children are at no risk of harm yet the police will still not allow unsupervised contact or my partner home. As I mentioned previously the family invovled have continued to harrass me and have even now sent death threats and been stalking me I reported this to the police 4x which result in one of them being arressted and given a community resolution. However they have continued to contact me and the officer in charge of my partners case was also assigned to my case of harrassment from the family and was again very rude and uncaring didn't seem concerned that these people had followed me home and made death threats. Last week my partners bail was up and we turned up at the police station to be told that the officer in charge should have called the day before to explain the phone wasn't back and he would be rebailed again for 3 months. She still hasn't called. I just don't know what else I can do at this point. SS are saying their case is closed and they have no concerns yet the police won't allow unsupervised contact or my parnter to come home this is very conflicting. I made several complaints about the officer and her senior behaviour and my complaint was assigned to someone to be investigated however that was over a month ago and I am yet to hear anything.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Anonymous84

Thank you for your update. It is positive that children’s services have now closed your file and have confirmed this in writing to you.

The police actions are frustrating, however as Bail conditions still stand, he would be breaking the law if he returned home even if children's services have closed their file. I would strongly recommend your partner continues to work with his solicitor to address issues related to his bail conditions.

If you have received new death threats, then I recommend you report them to the police. If you feel you or your family are in immediate danger, please call the emergency services on 999, otherwise please report direct to a police station or via 101.

Best wishes, Suzie