Condsidering new relationship after DV

[Black2304]

Hi I’m new to this forum and was wondering if people could just give me some advice

I was in a long term domestic abuse relationship

I made him leave January 2022 and it’s really been since July 2022 that social services have been involved and my children are on a child protection plan due to risk of emotional harm. I have a non molestation order against my ex and a lifetime restraining order too

Anyways my ex partner pretty much got in to a relationship straight away and he’s been violent with his current partner but I haven’t entertained a relationship with anyone until now. I have been speaking with someone but he is know to my ex partner but the person I am speaking to had a bit of a past mainly before the age of 22 and he’s now 32 and has only been in trouble once in the last 10 years. He has always been open and honest with me about his past relationships and when he was 18 he was in a relationship with someone I know well enough and she was quiet violent her self but there was one incident where he retaliated just once and hit her back but this was when he was 17/18 and was arrested and charged for this and given a tag. There hasn’t been anything else since to what I’m aware of but as I say he’s always been honest with me. There was another incident where a girl accused him and another man of raping her but they found evidence she had set them both up and made false allegations and all charges were dropped for this and she was prosecuted.

Obviously I have done the clares law 6 working days ago and haven’t had any phone calls or anything just yet and he does have a criminal record bur so do I and he’s known to have taken drugs in the past bur as have I and my ex partner is currently still taking cocaine and smoking crack but he has been granted contact in a contact centre

I’m just worrying that the social services will tell me I cannot progress wirh the relationship but the person I am speaking to has change and is still changing but cause we have both had trauma in our past he understands what I’m going through and is supportive and accepts my situation and the threats my ex is making towards him ti as he’s found out we’re speaking doesn’t bother him and he still wants to see how things go but we’re not allowed to spend time with each other until these checks come back

I’ve made sure neither of my sons know I am speaking to someone and don’t intend to let them know until atleast 6 months maybe longer.

I’m just wondering what rights do I have if I want to progress with this person and how the social may move forward with what’s going ti come back from the clares law and police check

Thanks in advance

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Black2304,

Welcome to the parents' board and thank you for your post.

You say that you were in a long-term domestic relationship. This ended in January 2022 and children's services have been involved since July 2022. Your children are on a child protection plan due to risk of emotional harm. You are now considering entering a new relationship with someone else. This person was arrested and charge at age 18 for assaulting a partner. You say that he has been honest with you about his past. Since then, you say there was another incident where he was accused of raping a woman with another man. You say these allegations were dropped and that this woman was prosecuted. You have done a Clare Law's request but have not heard back yet. You say that this person has a criminal record and is known to have taken drugs in the past. You are worried that children's services will tell you that you cannot progress the relationship. You say that this person has changed and that he is supportive of you. You say that he wants to see how things go but that you are not allowed to see each other until checks come back. Your sons do not know you are speaking to him, and you do not intend them until 6 months down the line. You would like to know what rights you have to progress with this person and how children's services may respond following the Clare's Law and police checks.

Firstly, it is difficult for me to tell you exactly how children's services may respond to the fact that you are in contact with this person and would like to progress your relationship. You say that your children are on a child protection plan, which means that children's services have significant concerns for them. They are likely to be worried about the impact that the domestic abuse in your previous relationship had on them and the future risk of any more emotional harm.

In particular, your new prospective partner's criminal record/relationship history/drug use may cause them concern. They are likely to be worried about the possibility of this reoccurring. They may also be worried about your vulnerability given the trauma of your previous relationship.

It sounds as though you have told children's services about this person and that they have asked you not to have contact until the necessary checks are returned. Once these checks are done, you can speak to the social worker about your intentions. Please note that children's services may be worried about this, and may not think you are acting in your children's best interests. They may ask you to stop having contact and to end the relationship. Your ex-partner may offer to undergo a risk assessment, or to engage with certain services but I am unable to tell you whether this would be considered sufficient from children's services.

At this point, it would be your decision to make. If you decide to continue the relationship against the recommendations of children's services, they may take escalated action. They may seek legal advice, and if they think necessary, could initiate pre-proceedings or care proceedings. This means the case will be escalate to court and a judge will make a decision about where it is safe for your children to live.

I hope you have found this helpful.

Best wishes.

Suzie.

[Black2304]

Hi thanks from your reply

I have heard from the clares law they rang me last night to state they checked in to his background and have stated he’s no immediate risk at the initial checks and then went on to say the superintendent checked and said hw isn’t making a disclosure as there isn’t anything to deem him a risk to me

I am just waiting for the dbs to come back. If child services tells me I am unable to go further with this person then that’s what I will do I haven’t done anything to go against the child protection plan I have always stuck to the safety plans in place and always done what is asked of me by them