Violence in home ss closing case

[Stitch79]

Hi
I'm new to this and don't want to bore you all with a very long story, but basically I'm a single parent children 10, 13, 18. 10 and 18 Yr old have adhd and middle one I'm fighting for a diagnosis. This is the child I'm having most issues with. He loses his temper over absolutely everything, the 18 Yr could wind him up, he could forget to do something what ever it is he hurts the 10yr old, he tried to drown him, strangle him, he constantly hits him round the head, he will attack me, he uses knives to threaten, he trashes the house, breaks windows, throws items across the room aswell as at others. The list goes on.
We have had social involved for 18 months and they now decided there is no safeguarding issues so they want to close. All the violence is still going on, my 18 year old hates the 13 year old and will call him names, wind him up so he gets mad but he won't hit her he goes for me or his younger brother. My 10 Yr old said to me last week bearing in mind he won't talk to anyone about what happens at home as I think he is scared to but he told me through tears that he doesn't want to live at home anymore cause his brother hurts him. Yet I told social and they still want to close. I'm very low in my mental health that I'm struggling with that never mind 3 children. Once social end in couple of weeks we will have no support at all, and I'm so worried about my youngest, as its already affecting his behaviour in and out of school and his learning declined. I honestly don't know what else to do

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Stitch79

Welcome to the parents’ discussion board and thank you for your post. My name is Suzie and I am Family Rights Group’s online adviser. I am very sorry to hear about the difficulties you and your family are experiencing. I can see that you are trying to care for and support all of your children with their specific needs but are feeling very unsupported by children’s services.

You explained that you are caring for your 3 children, 2 of whom have diagnoses of ADHD and you are pursuing a diagnosis for your 13 year old son. He is very violent at home to both you and his siblings. This is continuing and is clearly and understandably impacting on all of you, especially your younger child and you as you are the focus of the violence.

If you or any of your children are in immediate danger you can call the police. I know this is hard to do but your safety comes first.

From what you say, I think there is a child in need plan in place for the children. Children’s services do not recognise and are not responding to any child protection concerns; instead they are proposing that the case be closed. You are right to be very concerned about this as you have very clearly stated that the situation is not improved; your youngest child no longer wants to be at home due to how his older brother treats him and your mental health is affected trying to manage this stressful and risky situation.

I am not sure what interventions have been tried to date, if any. Is there a safely plan in place for all of you? I think CAMHS may be involved due to the children’s needs and your current request for an assessment of your 13 year old to determine what his additional needs may be. The children’s schools will also be involved in the current child in need plan. Do they share your concerns about children’s services’ plan to close the case?

You may want to put in writing to children’s services (e.g. by emailing the social worker and their manager) that, in view of the ongoing concerns that you have described which they are aware of, that you strongly disagree with their proposal to end their involvement. You can set out your concerns about the likely impact of this and request that they continue to offer support to your family. You can ask that they tailor this support to meet your needs and the children’s needs better. This should including addressing the violence that your son is exhibiting at home, the causes of this, how he can be helped to change his behaviour and what strategies you can use at home.

It would also be helpful if the other professionals involved also let children’s services know if they disagree with the plan to close the case. Their view and understanding of the situation is also important and children’s services should consider their concerns too.

Has a family group conference been suggested as a way of harnessing your network of family and friends support and increasing safety for you and your children ? If not, it may be worth considering; please see our family group conferences page for more details.

If children’s services proceed to close the case against your wishes or you continue to be unhappy with their response to your children’s needs and you cannot resolve this with the social worker or their manager then you may want to consider making a formal complaint. You can find out more about how to challenge a decision or make a complaint here.

You may find our information about children with disabilities and special educational needs useful.

There are a number of services which may be of interest to you as they offer support to families in your situation and will understand what you are going through. These include:

Parental Education Growth Support (PEGS) who provide support to parents and professionals where there is child to parent (and sibling) violence at home. Their website also provides further useful contacts here.

CAPA first response ; services include a free live chat.

Yuva – for young people and families living in London and Surrey areas.

Contact which helps families with disabled children; services include a listening ear service which you can access here .

Family Action’s Family Line offers emotional support and guidance around family pressures; this can include both short-term and long-term support.

It is really important, although very difficult, to look after your own wellbeing when you are coping with a lot of issues and when your children have significant needs. However, there is advice and support available from your GP or from any of the specialist mental health charities and support services listed here.

I hope that this information helps. If you would like to discuss children’s services’ involvement in more detail with an adviser please call our freephone advice line on 0808 8010366, lines are open from Mon to Fri (except bank holidays) , 9.30 am to 3.00 pm. Or please post back on this forum if you would like further advice.

Best wishes

Suzie

[Stitch79]

Thank you
My sons school won't help in getting support for my 13 Yr old as he is fine at school. Cahms won't accept the referral, everywhere we tried it's rejection. The safety plan is to phone the boys dad but he relarely responds to it, I have mentioned this, I have told them that I'm very concerned for my youngest son as I think this is affecting him emotionally. I havent spoken to my youngest school in a whilebl but at the last meeting they didn't say they disagreed. It's like they can't do anything else so they will leave it up to me.
My 13 Yr old has even told the social worker what he does and there is no reason for it.
I think the communication with school and social is unacceptable as I'm not sure how my youngest is behaving at school and I don't hear from social worker most of the time even if I ask her a question.
I feel like im totally on my own dealing with everything and it's all got on top of me and I'm not getting anywhere with it, and it's really affecting my mental health to the point I don't think I can do this anymore

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Stitch79,

I am sorry to hear that this is how you are feeling - this is clearly a very difficult and upsetting situation for you.

It is understandable that this is having an impact on your mental health and I would just like to mention again how important it is for you to look after your own wellbeing. If you have not already, I would encourage you to speak to your GP. You can also seek help and advice from any of the mental health charities listed here here.

I would also urge you to take a look at some of the other organisations I have linked in my answer above, which I think you may find useful.

You are feeling more worried about the case, and I would just like to reiterate some of my advise from above: I would strongly advise you to put in writing to children’s services (e.g. by emailing the social worker and their manager) that, in view of the ongoing concerns that you have described which they are aware of, that you strongly disagree with their proposal to end their involvement. You can set out your concerns about the likely impact of this and request that they continue to offer support to your family. You can ask that they tailor this support to meet your needs and the children’s needs better. This should including addressing the violence that your son is exhibiting at home, the causes of this, how he can be helped to change his behaviour and what strategies you can use at home.

If children’s services proceed to close the case against your wishes or you continue to be unhappy with their response to your children’s needs and you cannot resolve this with the social worker or their manager then you may want to consider making a formal complaint - I have included a link on how you can do this in my previous reply.

If you would like to discuss children’s services’ involvement in more detail with an adviser please call our freephone advice line on 0808 8010366, lines are open from Mon to Fri (except bank holidays) , 9.30 am to 3.00 pm. Or please post back on this forum if you would like further advice.

I hope you have found this helpful.

Best wishes,

Suzie.