Sibling contact

[Addy2010]

My brother got a SGO for my son in 2014. I admit I didn’t turn up for contacts and I’ve not seen my son since 2017 when he was 7. He’s now 12 and I’ve cleaned up my act and have a 10 month old son in my care. I’ve insisted on sibling contact for my boys but my brother refuses and apparently my 12 year old does not want contact with me or my new baby (revealed during mediation) I’m now applying to court to enforce sibling contact and I also want to see my older son. What will be the process and how often will they order the contact

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Addy2010

Welcome back to the parents’ discussion board and thank you for your post. Congratulations on the birth of your baby son and well done for improving your situation and being able to keep your baby safely in your care. You don’t mention any court order so I am guessing that he is not placed with you under a Care Order? If he is please do post back to clarify as my advice may be slightly different.

Your query is about contact between your baby and his big brother who lives with your brother under an SGO and your own contact with your son which is not happening. I think this may be because your brother is not supporting contact. I am sorry to hear that mediation has been unsuccessful in agreeing a plan for contact between the boys and for you to see your older son. You are now taking the matter back to court in a private law application for a Child Arrangements Order for contact. The court will consider your applications and decide on any contact arrangements.

Unfortunately, we are not able to provide any detailed advice on private law matters. If you have a solicitor they will be able to advise you. If not and if you are a litigant in person then Child Law Advice may be best placed to advise you. If you are going to court without a solicitor you may be able to get some practical and emotional support (but not legal advice) from Support through Court.

There is some helpful information about contact in our advice sheet on Special Guardianship Orders for birth parents which you can find here.

Sibling contact is very important and I can see that this is something you are trying to arrange. Your older boy’s views regarding contact with his sibling will be taken into account. We have some relevant information about the benefits of seeing their siblings for children who do not live together here. Our advice relates to sibling contact for children in care (which your children are not) but it still may be useful for you to read.

Bet wishes

Suzie

[Addy2010]

I am still under social services under a section 17 I believe. My older son has told mediation he does not want to see me or the baby. But I think he should have to. Social services agree that their bond is important. My son says even if court ordered he won’t turn up so how do court enforce it? Will me being under social services effect your advice?

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Addy2010,

Any decisions about contact made in court will consider your son's views and wishes. At the age of 12, he is able to express his views and wishes, and a judge may be unlikely to order/force any contact that he does not want to have.

Best wishes,

Suzie.

[Addy2010]

I am at court next week to insist my son has contact with me. The report from cafcass says they spoke to my son and he does not want to see me and my brother and his wife also agree. It says they do not recommend physical contact but my bro and his wife would allow emails - it says whether my son replies or not they recommend email for one year to try and build relationship. This is not what I want. I understand he’s 13 and I’ve not seen him since he was 6 or 7 but I had a lot going on. I’m now ready to see him and I will turn up. How seriously will the judge take a cafcass report. Also I’ve recently had 2 abusive messages from my son via social
Media saying he won’t see me. I have reported this to court. Will this go against me?

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Addy2010

Thank you for your update. I am sorry to hear of your situation. You want contact with your son, whom you have not seen for a number of years and you want both of your sons to have contact with each other. You say you are in court next week to ‘insist’ your son has contact with you.

The report from Cafcass says your son does not want contact with you or his sibling . Your brother and his wife agree with his decision but will facilitate email correspondence. It has been suggested that this takes place for one year in an attempt to build a relationship between you and your son. This is not what you want. You say you are ‘now ready to see him’ and will be consistent and reliable when doing so (something you struggled with in the past). You are seeking advice on how ‘seriously’ the court will take the Cafcass report.

Your son has sent you two abusive messages on social media saying he does not want to see you; you have reported this to court and want to know whether this will ‘go against’ you in court.

It is admirable that you have made the changes you needed to make to stabilise your life and to raise your son in your care. It is understandable that now you are in a position to be a reliable, consistent person in your older son’s life, you want direct contact with him. However, he may not be ready for this. He may need to take things slowly, to build trust between you before he feels comfortable enough to see you face to face. This may also be true of his carers, given that you were unable to commit to this in the past.

Your son is 13 years old. His wishes and feelings regarding contact with you and his sibling will carry some weight. His voice will be ‘heard’ and the court will need to weigh this against the benefits and drawbacks of making a Child Arrangements Order for contact with you and his sibling. You cannot insist an order is made. This will be decided by the court. The Cafcass report is the assessment that the court will rely on when making their decision. They may also rely on other professional assessments if they have been directed during the proceedings. I have added a link HERE to a Child Law Advice page that discusses contact between a child and parent that you may find helpful.

You ask whether informing the court about the messages sent by your son on social media will be seen as negative towards you. I am not sure whether you mean because they have been posted or because you have reported them to the court.

If you feel harassed or a person sends you threatening, abusive or offensive messages via Facebook, Twitter or any other social networking site, they could be committing an offence. I have added a link HERE for further information and advice regarding this.

Best wishes, Suzie

[Addy2010]

As an update for anyone in my situation. The court said my son did not want to see me so they made an order that I email him once a month for a year. The court says he does not have to reply. I’m going to email regardless of him replying or not and see where we are in a year. The court said after a year I can take it back to court if I want but I hope I don’t need to and he replies to my emails. I sent the first one 3 days ago and he has not replied

[Addy2010]

Update : my son has not responded to any contact attempts I have made. I have emailed 3 or 4 times since March so I applied to court again. The court hearing has not gone how I would have liked to be honest. The court has cancelled the previous order of indirect contact and now I am not supposed to make any contact as my son “does not want me in his life” he’s now 14 and his school and councillor backed his decision. I am going to apply to courts again when I can afford to as this matter is not closed and I believe my bro and his wife have turned my son against me

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Addy2010

Thank you for your updating post. I think it is often helpful for forum users to post updates because it provides a fuller picture over a period of time.

I am sorry to hear the court hearing did not go as you planned. From the information provided it does seem that your eldest son is clear on his views that at this time he does not want contact with you. He may have been influenced by your brother and wife. It would be difficult to prove and even if this was the case, it is not likely to change your son’s views in the short term.

Understandably, your son’s wishes regarding contact with you and your younger son are difficult to accept. However, I think this is something you need to do for the both of you. You have evidenced through your posts that you have tried every avenue open to you to reach out to your son. This is commendable. However, currently, your son does not want this. I would advise you to continue your road to good health and to having a stable relationship with your youngest son. It may be that over time, your eldest son wishes to resume contact with you and or your youngest son and if he does, it will be to all your benefit if he finds a stable reliable father.

I have added a link HERE To Dads Info. This organisation has lots of helpful information for fathers which you may find useful.

Best wishes, Suzie