False allegations of DV and child abuse

[H78]

Hi

My wife left the home with my son 2 weeks ago after a domestic argument we had. We have both been living at my parents house since we moved back from overseas due to Covid.

My wife is from overseas and currently on a 10 year leave to remain visa with no recourse to public funds.

Everything seemed normal, I had come back from work (I work over seas on contracts) and she seemed happy to see me, my son as usual was extremely happy I had retuened. I asked her to pay a little towards the rising costs as she had just started full time work and everything changed.

We got into a big argument which eventually involved my parents. It all calmed down but then in the morning I told her I would put a port alert out for my son as she has in the past threatened to take him back to her home country. She then called the police on me saying I was treating to take her to the police. The police turned up and she changed her story to I hit her on the arm so I got arrested. I was released without charge because they said there was no evidence.

She has since tried to make a statement twice to the police. First DV and then on a later date about child abuse. Social services are involved and have told the school if to call the police if I show up.

She is trying to change her visa to Leave Outside The Rules due to DV however they are asking for the statement regarding DV which she cannot produce as the police will not take her statement.

She is telling her social worker that I have sexually abused my son but the email she is using to prove it doesn't have any context of child abuse of any kind.

All these allegations are false.

I called the police last night because I am so worried about her and my son, I have no Idea where they are or who my son is living with.

I also called the school and sent them an email to keep me updated on his attendance and behaviour but I am still waiting for a reply.

Could someone advise as to what my best course of action and how do I go about finding what out what is going on?

Thanks

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear H78,

Welcome to the parents forum and thank you for your post. I am sorry to hear about the difficulties that you have been experiencing and I hope that the following advice is of some help to you.

You say that your wife has alleged that you have perpetrated domestic abuse and that you have sexually abused your son. You deny these allegations. You say that children’s services are involved and that they have told your son’s school to call the police if you attend the school. You do not know where your wife and son are living at the moment.

Firstly I would suggest that you read our webpages HERE as they contain advice and guidance for parents when children’s services are involved due to allegations of domestic abuse. Although you deny this allegation it will give you more understanding as to why children’s services are involved, what their duties are and what might happen next. Similarly these webpages HERE provide advice and guidance for parents when children’s services are involved due to allegations of sexual abuse.

You don’t say if you have met with the social worker yet so I would suggest that you make contact with them as soon as possible and arrange to meet with them or speak over the phone. From the information you have given it is likely that children’s services will be undertaking an assessment (either a child in need assessment, or more likely child protection enquiries (also known as a Section 47 investigation)). They should share with you what kind of assessment they are undertaking and you should be fully involved in the process. We have information HERE specifically for fathers as they can sometimes wrongly be overlooked or excluded from decisions made about their children. You may also find it helpful to read our guide to Working with a social worker.

If you feel that you are being excluded by the social worker then you may wish to consider making a formal complaint. We have information on our website HERE about how to make a formal complaint, what the timescales are for children’s services to respond and how you can escalate this if you are unhappy with the response you receive.

Once the social worker has completed their assessment there are various possible outcomes. These include no further action (i.e. children’s services will close their involvement), a child in need plan, a child protection plan or starting the process to make an application to the family courts, known as the pre-proceedings process. Please use the hyperlinks to find out more information about the duties of children’s services under these various outcomes.

I hope that the above is helpful. Please do post back again if you would like any further advice as things progress or you are welcome to call our free, confidential helpline on 0808 801 0366 (Monday to Friday, 9:30am-3pm) to speak with an adviser.

Best wishes,
Suzie

[H78]

Hi Suzi

Thank you or your reply.

I had a meeting with the social worker last week and I also took some legal advice.

The social worker has informed me that they are considering my son as a child in need. The main incident that my wife is using to try and claim sexual abuse against my son is as follows (this happened in her home country and not in the UK):

My son was in the room with me and he was naked from the waist down and he was throwing a tantrum, whenever he used to do this I would tickle his arm or the palm of his hand as it calmed him down, its what my mother used to do with me. While I was calming him down he got an erection as is natural for boys. My wife saw this and claimed I was sexually abusing him, she then wrote an email to my mum explaining the situation and how she feels about it. The following year she sent me a Facebook message that she didn't think it was abuse and is willing to aplolgise to my mother for the email. I explained all this too the social worker.

My wife has been given a 3 month grant of Leave Outside The Rules so she can access public funds as she is claiming destitution and domestic abuse. However from what I have researched she doesn't have enough evidence as there is only 1 police incident report and no charges where filed as it didn't meet the threshold of evidence. She also changed her story to the responding officer then the initial claim to the 999 dispatcher. First she said I was threatening to take her to the police and then she claimed domestic abuse to the responding officers.

It's my view that the solicitors strategy is far too aggressive but I think that if my wife doesn't get what she wants then she will leave and take my son back to her home country.

Apparently the police are investigating her claims however I haven't heard anything from the police but I will stay in contstant contact with the social worker as she said she will check with the police to see the results of the investigation.

I don't know if filling out a C100 and explaining about the indirect threats she has made of taking my son back to her home country which I know would be child abduction because it would be without my consent is the right move as I do not want to express any acrimony towards my wife. I only want to have regular contact with my son.

I'm not sure what to do.

Many Thanks

H78

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear H78

Thank you for your further post.

I see that you have been told by the social worker that your son is being treated as a child in need. This means that children’s services have decided to offer support and assistance to your child and his mother. The extent of the support being offered should be set out in a child in need plan. If children’s services have concluded their enquiries/investigation this means they do not consider to be at risk of significant harm. The decision may be because you son is not living with you now.

There is information HERE

You state that the police are continuing their investigation. I am not able to comment on this except to explain that even if the police decide to take no further action, children’s services would remain involved as they have a safeguarding role for children.

In your post you have provided an explanation from your point of view of your wife’s action, but this is not something I am able to advise you about. It will be for the police and children’s services to consider the information that you and your wife provide to them. They will then be able to make decisions about how the case will proceed further.

As you have taken legal advice, you would have been advised about your legal position and how you might prevent your wife taking your son out of the jurisdiction. There would be factors for the court to consider relating to your son and your wife’s status related to residence, but these are matters for the court.

Regarding contact with your son, if your wife is refusing contact then, an application to the court would be the way you may be able to ensure you have contact. You do not wish to be acrimonious. Making an application does not mean that it will be, but the court will want to have information from both of you before deciding about contact.

Whether or not you apply to the court is a decision only you can make. You may wish to discuss this with your legal adviser.

I hope this is helpful.

Best wishes

Suzie