Help Needed

[Sweetpineapple]

Myself and my ex partner have 4 children: 9, boy (being assessed for ASD), 7, boy (being assessed for ADHD), 5, girl (has cerebral palsy and more complex health needs), 2, boys (has CHD, open heart surgery at 2 weeks old). Previously we had done self referrals so social services for support with out eldest child who is violent and aggressive with ourselves and his siblings. Unfortunately we kept getting thrown back to early help and advised to continue wit early help. My ex partner is a recovering alcoholic, that when not getting support from services unfortunately fell into old habits of relying on the cans to get through the day. Fast forward to this year My ex partner has been arrested on 2 occasions; firstly for an altercation with myself and secondly for pushing our 7 year old boy which resulting in him hitting his head on the back door (no physical injuries).

Following the incident the police bailed him, which resulted in him not seeing his children; with this as motivation he got himself to AA to get himself back on the path to recovery (which he has done amazing at). Due to an incident within the local area not involving ourselves, he has been unable to attend court. The police have said that the are not looking at pursing criminal charges but in fact courses which are mandatory to attend to deal with his alcoholism, which he has been doing himself.

Social services are wanting to continue to act as if the bail conditions are in place, and I have been told they are not to have contact with their father or the will be placing my children on child protection and looking at removing the children from my custody.

We have been involved heavily with medical professionals since the day my daughter was born prematurely, and my ex parent has always played a heavily active role within the childrens; especially with all their high needs which I require his support with.

I am not saying the actions which involved myself or my son are correct or that I agree with them however they was an isolated incident caused through his alcoholism. Since this he has done everything possible to get himself sober again and has done.

I do not know what rights we have to fight this; I am trying to do my nursing degree, my daughter is due to have surgery which will involve her being in hospital for one month. My children are missing their father and I require his support. I require this for my daughter to attend medical appointments, for help when she or my son are not sleeping, and for myself to continue with my nursing degree.

Thank you

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Sweetpineapple

Thank you for your post, my name is Suzie, I am an online adviser and will be responding to you today.

I am sorry to hear of your distress. I hope the information provided is helpful to you.

You have four children who have various additional needs. Over the years you have sought support from children’s services, and they have signposted you to Early Help services.

Your partner is a recovering alcoholic, he has been arrested on two occasions, one related to an altercation with you and one related to an assault on your 7-year-old son which resulted him hitting his head on a door. The police and children’s services became involved following this and your partner was arrested. Bail conditions were put in place not to have contact with the children. The police are continuing their investigation however, bail conditions have now been removed.

Children’s services remain involved. The have requested that your partner remains out of the family home and does not have contact with the children. You say they have told you that if he does have contact they will place the children on a child protection plan and seek to remove them from your care.

Your partner has sought support for his alcohol misuse and is engaging with services. He is a significant support to you and the children especially given their additional needs.

Your daughter is due to have an operation soon and this will involve her being in hospital for a month. You are worried that your partner will be unable to support you and the children during this time.

You do not say what plan (if any) your children are currently supported by. Has an assessment been completed or is it ongoing? If an assessment has been completed you should have received a copy. I have added a link HERE to information regarding a child in need plan. I have also added a link HERE to a Section 47 enquiry for further information and advice.

You have two children with complex needs and two children being assessed for Autism Spectrum Disorder – previously has an assessment of need been completed for your children with known disabilities? Your council has a duty to provide this service under the Children Act 1989 . I would suggest you raise this with the social worker if it has not already been discussed.

The request from children’s services is not legally binding, however as they have informed you, should you not adhere to this they may escalate. Children’s services can only remove your children if threshold has been met and they have an order from the court do to this. There is a process for this and it is called the Public Law Outline , often referred to as PLO. The only professionals who have the power to remove your children from you are the police and this is when it is deemed that the children are at immediate risk of harm. This is under Police Protection, please see HERE for further information.

Your partner has assaulted your son, you say it is a ‘one off’ and that he is now seeking support to address his issues. It will be important for your partner to continue down this route to demonstrate his commitment to change. To complete any programmes identified by professionals and for children’ services to complete an updating risk assessment to identify what risks remain, how they can be addressed and whether contact can resume safely. It may be that supervised contact takes place initially.

There was also an 'altercation' between you and your partner. You do not say whether this was a domestic abuse incident. We would advise you and your partner to work open and transparent with children's services in this respect and to engage in any recommended services. I have added a link HERE which you may find helpful. It is a domestic abuse charity that offers support and advice to women who have been victims of domestic abuse.

Are children’s services aware of the forthcoming hospital stay for your daughter? Are there any other family members or friends that can support you at this time? I would suggest you speak to the social worker to request a family group conference . A family group conference is a family-led decision-making meeting. A child’s wider family and support network come together to develop a plan to support a child and keep them safe. This network may include grandparents, aunts and uncles and sometimes close family friends. The meeting is supported and facilitated by a trained and skilled independent coordinator. They help the family prepare for the meeting and attend to support.

Given the stresses you and your family are managing you may wish to consider deferring your studies for this academic year. I would suggest you discuss this with your course provider as in some circumstances this can be agreed.

Given the needs of your children, it would be a good idea to speak to the social worker about additional support in your local area, for now and going forward. For example summer clubs and or breakfast/after school clubs. You can also contact the children with disabilities team to discuss as they will have expertise in this area.

I have added a link HERE that you may find helpful. It is an organisation called Scope and supports people with cerebral palsy and their families. They offer support and advice which includes an online support service.

Lastly, I have added a link HERE to Autism UK. They are a charity for people on the autism spectrum and their families. they provide support and advice for parents and cares of autistic children, including support to develop a greater understanding of their children’s needs and accessing services that meet the family’s needs.

I hope you find this information useful.  Should you wish to speak to an adviser please call our free advice line: 0808 801 0366 (Mon to Fri 9.30a.m. – 3.00p.m) excluding bank holidays. Or you can, of course, post again on here.
Best wishes, Suzie