Social worker coercive control

[Kindlyconcerned]

I have 3 children. I broke up with my husband Sept 2020. There was no incident infront of my children. However, they have witnessed his controlling and manipulative behaviour he was never violent. Following this he made many malicious allegations. He accused me of being the abuser, alcoholic,self harmer, drug addict. I successfully obtained a restraining order myself, I removed him from mine and my children's lives myself (meaning I was not told to do so by social care)
He then contacted social services with the malicious allegations and I was placed on CPP so they could investigate.
I have proven every single allegation to be untrue and malicious. They have said so themselves, all concerns raised by him have been discarded.
Following conference I now remain on CPP apparently because there is a private family law case, which my current social worker pushed and pushed my ex abuser to apply for, despite me being cooperative and always sharing my position around contact ( I asked for him to be supervised, as he hasn't been assessed and following the breakdown of my marriage obtaining Claires law disclosure, and he has a history of the same behaviour)
My sw never made any progress in setting up contact sessions and simply told him to apply to court.
He now has court ordered supervised contact which is what I asked for all along, to ensure the child we share is safeguarded.
If I disagree with my sw about anything she documents I'm defensive. She has not offered me an ounce of support. She ignores me when I reach out to dicuss anything, yet of I don't respond immediately I receive threats of "police action " and "informing the court of my refusal"
I am not refusing the whole thing was my idea ! She is impossible.
She asks my older children (to a previous relationship) leading questions, and answers them herself ! The previous social worker was absolutely fine no issues she could see through the allegations and could see it was a continuation of my exs abuse, but this one is power drunk and not acting in the best interests of anyone in my family just her own agenda. I have good friends teaching key stage 2 and trained in safeguarding who can't understand this. My childminder used to be a Foster carer and worked closely with social care during her career, she can't understand it. It's like I'm being penalised for being abused by my ex husband, like I've got rid of him abusing me, yet social worker is continuing the same abuse. My every move is reported back to him at conference despite this having to be split because of my induction against him. I feel like I'll never be free of him.
I guess what I'm asking is for direction to support, a kick ass solicitor ? An advocates platform ? Petitions or legal movements. People who ate going through similar prejudice, victory stories for inspiration........

[Bossman1959]

Hi there, this must be very difficult for you, it sounds to me that you feel the social worker Is unsupportive, and you wonder why there is still sw involvement now the court case is over?

I here what you are saying, and I feel for you it's so frustrating to know you did this, and some else is claiming it was them by arranging continued involvement with child services.

Thinking about what you have said, I am not sure if they need to be involved for financial sake, (contact) if they are paying for this.

I do know the SW like any professional has a governing body and a strict set of guidelines.
If they have broken these in any way it may be you can complain and request a new SW. The way to complain is through the local area council complaints section. There is an advise sheet on the site which can help you do that.

You have done very well to get the situation at home controlled, it isn't easy to stand up to verbal (coersive) abuse, so many of us can't.

Think posative you are In a better place and are safer now than you were before, and YOU! did that.

Am sure an admin will be along at some point, in the mean time take a look around the site.

Bestwishes, don't let them get to you.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

I have 3 children. I broke up with my husband Sept 2020. There was no incident infront of my children. However, they have witnessed his controlling and manipulative behaviour he was never violent. Following this he made many malicious allegations. He accused me of being the abuser, alcoholic,self harmer, drug addict. I successfully obtained a restraining order myself, I removed him from mine and my children's lives myself (meaning I was not told to do so by social care)
He then contacted social services with the malicious allegations and I was placed on CPP so they could investigate.
I have proven every single allegation to be untrue and malicious. They have said so themselves, all concerns raised by him have been discarded.
Following conference I now remain on CPP apparently because there is a private family law case, which my current social worker pushed and pushed my ex abuser to apply for, despite me being cooperative and always sharing my position around contact ( I asked for him to be supervised, as he hasn't been assessed and following the breakdown of my marriage obtaining Claires law disclosure, and he has a history of the same behaviour)
My sw never made any progress in setting up contact sessions and simply told him to apply to court.
He now has court ordered supervised contact which is what I asked for all along, to ensure the child we share is safeguarded.
If I disagree with my sw about anything she documents I'm defensive. She has not offered me an ounce of support. She ignores me when I reach out to dicuss anything, yet of I don't respond immediately I receive threats of "police action " and "informing the court of my refusal"
I am not refusing the whole thing was my idea ! She is impossible.
She asks my older children (to a previous relationship) leading questions, and answers them herself ! The previous social worker was absolutely fine no issues she could see through the allegations and could see it was a continuation of my exs abuse, but this one is power drunk and not acting in the best interests of anyone in my family just her own agenda. I have good friends teaching key stage 2 and trained in safeguarding who can't understand this. My childminder used to be a Foster carer and worked closely with social care during her career, she can't understand it. It's like I'm being penalised for being abused by my ex husband, like I've got rid of him abusing me, yet social worker is continuing the same abuse. My every move is reported back to him at conference despite this having to be split because of my induction against him. I feel like I'll never be free of him.
I guess what I'm asking is for direction to support, a kick ass solicitor ? An advocates platform ? Petitions or legal movements. People who ate going through similar prejudice, victory stories for inspiration........

Dear Kindlyconcerned

Thank you for your post and welcome to the Board.

From what you write your children are subject to a child protection plan and you are currently in court involved in a private law case. Our service does not give advice about private law cases, so I shall signpost you to Child Law Advice in relation to this aspect of your post. The Law Society too, holds a database of solicitors, you can find information here.

We do give advice about child protection procedures, here is the main page of our website about that. You may want to raise a complaint about the social worker or about how the case is being managed/conducted by the local authority.

The Rights of Women charity, may be able to help you as well as Women’s Aid in relation to domestic abuse. Here too are our website pages about domestic abuse.

Best wishes

Suzie

[tinkerbell452]

I have 3 children. I broke up with my husband Sept 2020. There was no incident infront of my children. However, they have witnessed his controlling and manipulative behaviour he was never violent. Following this he made many malicious allegations. He accused me of being the abuser, alcoholic,self harmer, drug addict. I successfully obtained a restraining order myself, I removed him from mine and my children's lives myself (meaning I was not told to do so by social care)
He then contacted social services with the malicious allegations and I was placed on CPP so they could investigate.
I have proven every single allegation to be untrue and malicious. They have said so themselves, all concerns raised by him have been discarded.
Following conference I now remain on CPP apparently because there is a private family law case, which my current social worker pushed and pushed my ex abuser to apply for, despite me being cooperative and always sharing my position around contact ( I asked for him to be supervised, as he hasn't been assessed and following the breakdown of my marriage obtaining Claires law disclosure, and he has a history of the same behaviour)
My sw never made any progress in setting up contact sessions and simply told him to apply to court.
He now has court ordered supervised contact which is what I asked for all along, to ensure the child we share is safeguarded.
If I disagree with my sw about anything she documents I'm defensive. She has not offered me an ounce of support. She ignores me when I reach out to dicuss anything, yet of I don't respond immediately I receive threats of "police action " and "informing the court of my refusal"
I am not refusing the whole thing was my idea ! She is impossible.
She asks my older children (to a previous relationship) leading questions, and answers them herself ! The previous social worker was absolutely fine no issues she could see through the allegations and could see it was a continuation of my exs abuse, but this one is power drunk and not acting in the best interests of anyone in my family just her own agenda. I have good friends teaching key stage 2 and trained in safeguarding who can't understand this. My childminder used to be a Foster carer and worked closely with social care during her career, she can't understand it. It's like I'm being penalised for being abused by my ex husband, like I've got rid of him abusing me, yet social worker is continuing the same abuse. My every move is reported back to him at conference despite this having to be split because of my induction against him. I feel like I'll never be free of him.
I guess what I'm asking is for direction to support, a kick ass solicitor ? An advocates platform ? Petitions or legal movements. People who ate going through similar prejudice, victory stories for inspiration........

I feel like I'm reading my own story but I have a male social worker number 7 he's making my life hell. I feel for u, stay strong

[PonderPuss]

My kids also have a male social worker, my contact is supervised with my children and they have been very clear since the beginning that they believed the social worker is actually their father's social worker, and all of the family have reported their experience of the father's rages. Now the children have been placed with their dad, and no information has been shared with me justifying why my contact is supervised. I have complained to his manager, no response. Case is in court, solicitors kept telling me to keep social worker misconduct out of the case, but then they dropped me so I'm going to put everything into my final statement. It's abuse by proxy, and social worker has been copied in on aggressive emails to me from the kids dad, where he explicitly mentions how I'm the parent under investigation, all because on child chose to estrange himself because his dad picked on him, which the whole family has witnessed on many occasions. It's mind-boggling how blatantly above the law these people believe themselves to be, but then I don't know of a law that would apply to willingly becoming a perpetrator's proxy. If there isn't one, there should be.

[KatKat10]

Do your children have a guardian appointed through the court? Depending if you get a good one, they can be quite supportive and critical if social workers are not meeting acceptable standards. You do have the right to complain about Social workers, but it is a double edged sward going through the court system. You can identify false information submitted in statements and submit the facts, even the smallest lie can be challenged. Some SW's are living in the past pre internet and technology, so continue with their script oblivious to technology, such as emails that prove they are telling lies. By doing this in your statements it is then documented in the court papers which makes a complaint more viable.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

My kids also have a male social worker, my contact is supervised with my children and they have been very clear since the beginning that they believed the social worker is actually their father's social worker, and all of the family have reported their experience of the father's rages. Now the children have been placed with their dad, and no information has been shared with me justifying why my contact is supervised. I have complained to his manager, no response. Case is in court, solicitors kept telling me to keep social worker misconduct out of the case, but then they dropped me so I'm going to put everything into my final statement. It's abuse by proxy, and social worker has been copied in on aggressive emails to me from the kids dad, where he explicitly mentions how I'm the parent under investigation, all because on child chose to estrange himself because his dad picked on him, which the whole family has witnessed on many occasions. It's mind-boggling how blatantly above the law these people believe themselves to be, but then I don't know of a law that would apply to willingly becoming a perpetrator's proxy. If there isn't one, there should be.

Dear PonderPuss,

Thank you for your post. I am sorry to hear that you continue to have difficulties with children’s services.

From the information you have given in this post (and from the information you gave in a post that you made on another thread last year) I think that the court case you are referring to is a private law matter (most likely an application for a Child Arrangements Order). If this is not the case then please do let us know and we can advise you further.

You say that no information has been given to you justifying why your contact needs to be supervised. If the family court has directed that contact should be supervised then the reasons for this should be explained in the court documents. You can challenge this at the next hearing if you wish to. You say that you no longer have a solicitor but I am unsure why this is the case. If you need to you can find solicitors in your local area by using the search function on The Law Society website. If you do not have a solicitor then you can get advice about private law matters from Child Law Advice who have an adviceline on 0300 330 5480.

I hope that this is of some help. Please post again if you have any further queries or you can call our free, confidential adviceline on 0808 801 0366 (Monday to Friday, 9:30am – 3pm). We also have a webchat which is currently open on Monday and Wednesday afternoons.

Best wishes,
Suzie

[PonderPuss]

Dear Susie, thank you for your reply, I only just spotted it via a google search. I do hope the OP's situation has been addressed and a just outcome achieved.
My case is effectively a private law matter, but it's via care proceedings, as the local authority's case is against me, and is on behalf of my children's father. As I've claimed throughout this process, the children's father was and is abusive towards me, both in private, and in front of our children, perhaps this action was done as a favour to the father, as the local authority were aware that I would likely be able to have legal aid, were the father were to take me to court on his own. My solicitors dropped me after some confusion around threshold, as I was advised to cease proceedings, but hadn't understood that to do so meant agreeing to threshold. My position is that the children have suffered harm, but in the first instance, this harm was caused by the father's behavior, and then in the second instance, by me, as I struggled to parent well in a state of fear after the local authority aligned with then father, after he removed one son. This child demonstrated with his behavior and reports about me that he has been alienated towards me, but the social worker seems unaware of the characteristics of fawning behavior, and of splitting. This child, the father and the social worker actually all engage in splitting, and the two men have cast me as the villain, but because all meetings are split, it took me some time to realise that the father, who has been diagnosed as having narcisstic traits and ocd, has successfully convinced third parties that his false narrative is true: he alternates between being the victim or the hero, and projects the abusive behaviors he engages in onto me. The case is nearly concluded, and my new legal reps have brought home the fact that I'm going to lose, so now the focus is on increasing contact. I said to the LA in the very beginning that I've always felt like the father has as much regard for me as doo-doo on a shoe, and that he finds my continued presence in our children's lives offensive. The children's social worker apparently feels the same way, after I tried to advocate for our kids, who were unhappy with his support. CS are unaware of coercive control, and criminal law in general I've found, as when I was reporting to them offences being committed by the father, they took no interest. The guardian ad litem has done very little, and was content to accept the social worker's analysis, which was very disappointing, for the children who have stated this, and myself. I was assessed by a psychiatrist who judged me to have c-ptsd, and recommended a domestic abuse assessment - the LA declined. The LA now act as if I no longer have PR; my agreement of the children going abroad was not sought, dates not provided to me when asked, and my request for a virtual phone call was turned down. The council and father are insisting now that no more virtual calls (in our last call, one son was complaining about his father, saying that he was going back to his old ways) and for my contact to be reduced to 2 hours every 2 weeks, supervised.

I annoyed our Judge unfortunately, after heeding the advice of a barrister who took money from me and then did not deliver services, as desperation lead to some poor decisions on my part. I sought for the IRH to be adjourned after losing representation but this was denied. The LA's case is mostly based on the recommendations of an psych assessment, so I am wondering how I can now demonstrate that my mental health is now fine? This came about after I finally accepted the reality of what has happened, ie victims don't win, only winners do.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear PonderPuss

Thank you for posting again.

It appears that the proceedings relating to your children involving their respective fathers have now concluded.

You mention that you were in private law proceeding which commenced as care proceedings as children’s services case was against you. Normally, if children’s services start a case, it is a public law case and private law orders such as child arrangement orders can be made in favour of a father or other family member.

In your post you are concerned about how you were portrayed the fathers in the case. You believe that children’s services were supportive of the fathers despite the issues they might have. The issue for children’s services is to ensure that children are living in a safe environment, and it may be that it was considered that the fathers provided the stability and safety for them.

If a care order was made by the court and the children live with their fathers this means that children’s services are the decision makers for the children. They have parental responsibility which allows them to make decisions about the children. Regarding the children travelling abroad they would not need your permission but should keep you informed that they plan to do this. Alternatively, if child arrangement orders were made in favour of the fathers, they have parental responsibility and can take the child out of the jurisdiction for up to 28 days.

In none of these two scenarios have you lost parental responsibility but your exercise of it is limited because they children do not live with you.

It is unfortunate that your solicitor did not feel able to continue representing you. You say you made some mistakes out fear and frustration.

You are now at a point where you want to address your mental health issues. The assessments which were carried out by the psychiatrist would have given recommendations about how you can help your diagnosed condition. The psychological assessment would also have made recommendations. To show that your mental health is better you would need to show that you have done the recommended work and be able to provide evidence of this.

Regarding contact, in both situations you can apply to the court for more contact. If there is a care order for contact to a child in care. If there are child arrangement orders, then you can apply for child arrangement order for contact. You will need to provide evidence to the court of significant changes to get the best outcome. It is great that you have now reached the point where you accept the reality of what has happened. This is, I think, a good starting point to addressing your mental health issues and I hope you will be able to access the services you need going forward.

I hope this is helpful.

Best wishes

Suzie

[F1004]

i have over 2 years off this from scoial workers with there lies and manipulation and threats off them even down to my son being assaulted by placement workers where my son was ment to be placed because off his mental health i need somone i can speak to about the even a court judge would not listen i can prove everythink that these so called scoial workers and managers have lied about and a child protection police officer lied and the court judge would not listen to anythink that was said is there somone i can speak to get my case back in court as from the court hearing they are saying i have agreed to all there stuff i never i left court before any off it was said by this so called court judge and no one will listen even wont look at video i have off my son when he was man handled by placement staff and nothink has been done about any off it if there is somone who can help would greatfull for there help