Previous children under SGO. Will children's services take another?
Posted: Tue Jan 12, 2021 10:25 pm
Hi. Just after some advice and support please or anyone with experiences?
I have 2 children (now 9 and 5) who are under a special guardianship to a relative in my ex's side of the family. This was consented end of 2018 when they were 7 and 3 as I was advised it was the best thing to do at the time (instead of contest which I was likely to lose). Heartbreakingly agreed, uneducated and naive at the time.
The daily grief is unbearable but I keep going for them.
It was consented due to a historical domestic abusive relationship and failure to protect. Parenting wasnt an issue but just the protectiveness factor. Pleaded for courses and assistance at the time for reunification but all declined and one outcome was wanted.
Fast forward today...Contact isnt encouraged by the current SG's and I have been legally told this based on info I have passed on and also confirmed with a separate counsellor specialised in childrens trauma. Both have said it's wrong SG's are not being monitored as to what they're saying is true as apparently my children just 'dont want to see me' and this is all I am told. Even though on consent of the SGO it was written contact wood be 4 times per year but could be adjusted as the judge wanted us to equally parent.
I get occasional photos of them and I have had 4 phone calls with my youngest since 2018. Nothing from my eldest at all. I am ever so greatful something is happening. but this wasnt what was said within court when it was all agreed.
I have been to court twice again and each time told court isnt to solve your contact expectations. Where do I go to ensure some contact can get established again?? It has been since 2018 seeing them and the time is going so fast, they are missing out on a relationship with their mum.
Also wrote a letter twice to childrens services, each time I get nothing back. No response also form the partner service CS hand over to. I just get plamed off each time.
As a mum proactively trying to get some form of relationship with her children. Always ignored...
How is this child centred on what's best?
The history stems from their abusive father who is firmly out of the picture and wont ever have anything to do with any of us again.
I have done considerable learning; counselling self funded, freedom programme, pattern changing (all suggested on court psychological report) and requested protective parenting (but I was declined as didnt meet the 7 hours per week contact threshold); self learning through books.
I am exhausted and getting nowhere!
To further this...
I am dead scared that my future wont permit me ever having a future baby with a new partner due to a previous unhealthy relationship which is now firmly behind me.
I have sought answers tirelessly for this answer as I have met somebody new, we have been together a year. He knows about my current children and is understanding, values me and treats me well - healthy.
But when we have spoken about our future, I tend to freeze and explain that I'm not sure about my future regards having a child of our own. Even though I'd love nothing more as my identity was cruelly stolen thanks to the damage my ex-husband caused and my inability to easily leave him at any cost. Which would NEVER ever happen again.
I work full time; permentant, have a nice clean, mortgaged home and have exhausted all options I can to learn from the past and do what was asked of me/address concerns but it's very difficult when no contact is taking place with my current 2 children.
What are the chances based on the above historical info, I'd ever be able to become a mum again?
I am aware due to the past I'd be a 'red flag' on the childrens service system and/ot be subject to a pre birth assessment etc... I have been forever wondering what would happen from there? I cant bear to put another innocent born child, myself or my new partner (who has nothing to do with my past) through the pain I've already had losing my first two children. I'd rather not bother as heartbreaking as it is.
I also wrote this in a letter to childrens services in May 2020 asking what their procedure would be... at the same time as requesting why contact is not taking place with my current 2 - still all ignored, no response unprofessional.
Thank you,
I hope there is a positive story out there as this is all so exhausting.
I have 2 children (now 9 and 5) who are under a special guardianship to a relative in my ex's side of the family. This was consented end of 2018 when they were 7 and 3 as I was advised it was the best thing to do at the time (instead of contest which I was likely to lose). Heartbreakingly agreed, uneducated and naive at the time.
The daily grief is unbearable but I keep going for them.
It was consented due to a historical domestic abusive relationship and failure to protect. Parenting wasnt an issue but just the protectiveness factor. Pleaded for courses and assistance at the time for reunification but all declined and one outcome was wanted.
Fast forward today...Contact isnt encouraged by the current SG's and I have been legally told this based on info I have passed on and also confirmed with a separate counsellor specialised in childrens trauma. Both have said it's wrong SG's are not being monitored as to what they're saying is true as apparently my children just 'dont want to see me' and this is all I am told. Even though on consent of the SGO it was written contact wood be 4 times per year but could be adjusted as the judge wanted us to equally parent.
I get occasional photos of them and I have had 4 phone calls with my youngest since 2018. Nothing from my eldest at all. I am ever so greatful something is happening. but this wasnt what was said within court when it was all agreed.
I have been to court twice again and each time told court isnt to solve your contact expectations. Where do I go to ensure some contact can get established again?? It has been since 2018 seeing them and the time is going so fast, they are missing out on a relationship with their mum.
Also wrote a letter twice to childrens services, each time I get nothing back. No response also form the partner service CS hand over to. I just get plamed off each time.
As a mum proactively trying to get some form of relationship with her children. Always ignored...
How is this child centred on what's best?
The history stems from their abusive father who is firmly out of the picture and wont ever have anything to do with any of us again.
I have done considerable learning; counselling self funded, freedom programme, pattern changing (all suggested on court psychological report) and requested protective parenting (but I was declined as didnt meet the 7 hours per week contact threshold); self learning through books.
I am exhausted and getting nowhere!
To further this...
I am dead scared that my future wont permit me ever having a future baby with a new partner due to a previous unhealthy relationship which is now firmly behind me.
I have sought answers tirelessly for this answer as I have met somebody new, we have been together a year. He knows about my current children and is understanding, values me and treats me well - healthy.
But when we have spoken about our future, I tend to freeze and explain that I'm not sure about my future regards having a child of our own. Even though I'd love nothing more as my identity was cruelly stolen thanks to the damage my ex-husband caused and my inability to easily leave him at any cost. Which would NEVER ever happen again.
I work full time; permentant, have a nice clean, mortgaged home and have exhausted all options I can to learn from the past and do what was asked of me/address concerns but it's very difficult when no contact is taking place with my current 2 children.
What are the chances based on the above historical info, I'd ever be able to become a mum again?
I am aware due to the past I'd be a 'red flag' on the childrens service system and/ot be subject to a pre birth assessment etc... I have been forever wondering what would happen from there? I cant bear to put another innocent born child, myself or my new partner (who has nothing to do with my past) through the pain I've already had losing my first two children. I'd rather not bother as heartbreaking as it is.
I also wrote this in a letter to childrens services in May 2020 asking what their procedure would be... at the same time as requesting why contact is not taking place with my current 2 - still all ignored, no response unprofessional.
Thank you,
I hope there is a positive story out there as this is all so exhausting.