Desperate for advice and help!!!!!!!!

[ND2502]

Hi

This might be quiet long so bear with me but I hope someone out there can help me.

In 2009 I was charged and convicted of IOC I was sent to Military Prison for 3 months and given 5 years on the SOR, I came off this in 2015 and I never had any sopo.

I did deny my offences for many years something I’m not proud of so I do understand that the situation I’m in is my own doing but I have since taken responsibility for my offences and I know that I made a choice to do what I did, because of my denials I have never been offered any courses regarding my offences which I also know doesn’t help me.

The advice and help I am after is in 2013 I met someone and started a relationship with her I did disclose my offences to her and she stood by me 4 years later me decided to have a child as I was off the register and we both wanted a family, but once she got pregnant I did worry that if we didn’t inform CS that it could cause us issues in the future so we made the choice to refer ourselves as we both believed that being open and honest was the best way to go about things, we informed them and the started the s47 thing and we waited but they made it clear that I wasn’t going to be allowed any involvement pretty much from the start so my partner moved to live with her mam and our case was transferred to the CS where she was living, from minute one they made it aware that they wanted me as far away as possible which I was as I was living 3hrs away, they did there conferences and risk assessment and came to the conclusion that they wouldn’t work with me at all but they would put my partner through a protection course, I went to them on more than one occasion saying I want your help and I want to do whatever I have to to show you that I’m not a risk and that I take responsibility for what I did but this was ignored and made clear that as far as they were concerned I was a high risk and that was that, I spoke to the social workers no more than 4 times throughout the whole assessment, my partner passed the course with flying colours and luckily for us we were assigned a new social worker who was lovely, I wasn’t allowed at the birth or any photos or any contact at all for the first year of my daughters life, then in 2019 I was finally given a contact day where I had to go up to a contact centre where my partner was living and have my first contact with her while my partner and the social worker where present, I was in there no longer than 10mins when the social worker said that’s fine your case is now closed and she said I was allowed contact in the community with my partner and given a sheet of things I couldn’t do which we’re the usual and things that I wouldn’t have done anyway, we travelled back to where I lived that very same together as a family which was the best day of my life and my partner never went back, we lived separately when she stayed here as we were told nothing about wether we could live together or not so my question is where do we go from here? That day the social worked mentioned nothing about moving forward just that the case was closed and that’s that so now I feel like I’m stuck in limbo as I have no idea wether that means that I’m only allowed contact in the community until she’s 18 or if this will ever be re looked into, we have had no contact at all from social services back where I live and we have been here for nearly 18 months, does anybody know what I can do or where I need to go to find out what’s actually happening, as to me it seams like thats the end of the matter as far as there concerned as they believe that my partner can manage the risk but I’m worried about going back to them and asking in case this opens another case, I just want to know where I stand so I can manage what’s happening because at the minute I have no idea what we can and can’t do, there is no mention of a follow up and we have been left alone since coming back, obviously neither of us want to risk doing something that they could use against us but has anyone been in this situation before or someone that can advise me of what to do? Any help would be greatly appreciated.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear ND2502,

Welcome to the Parent’s Forum.

I can see that you had been open and honest with children services about your past conviction and this led to your partner being assessed and her being put on a protective parent course which she passed.
Your post is not clear about how much you were assessed or whether any support was offered to you to reduce any risk (if any) you might pose to your daughter.
However, it looks like the social worker was expecting you to live in separate places and that you would only be having limited contact with your daughter which was to be supervised by mum. On that basis, she closed children services file.

Have you or mum got a copy of the last assessment or any final correspondence from the social worker that might confirm the position? If not, you could ask for a copy from children services.

The situation has changed-you now live together. I assume mum would have been told to contact children services if this happened. What’s mum’s view?
If you or mum advised children services of this change, then as you say, a further assessment is likely to take place. You may be asked to move out of the family home while this happens.

I suggest you contact the stop it now helpline on 0808 1000 900 for advice about assessments and support that is available for you.
You could also contact our helpline on 0808 801 0366 to discuss your options.
Best wishes,
Suzie

[ND2502]

Hi Suzie,

Thank you for your reply, no they assessed me and then refused to offer me any help at all they just said we won’t help you but we will put my partner through the course that she passed, throughout the whole time they made it clear that they didn’t want to help me nor did they want to try and help us to remain a family, we were also never given any final correspondence we were just told at my initial contact appointment with my daughter that the case was closed and were allowed to leave as a family and get the train back home to where we used to live, since we have been back here we have had no contact at all from the children’s services in this area we have been here now for over 18 months, I think either I miss wrote something as we don’t live together now we never have done as we had no idea what the next steps would be when we left the initial contact appointment, nothing was mentioned about the future and moving forward just that the case was closed, we have been left in limbo and that’s why I posted to find out what options we have now?

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear ND2502

Thank you for your post.

Perhaps the step to take now is to suggest to your partner that she ask the local authority for a copy of the records they hold about her, our advice sheet Access to information held by Children’s Services will tell you more about how to do this.

Thereafter perhaps you and your partner could discuss an application for a Child Arrangements Order which would help specify your contact with your child. We have an advice sheet about this order, it is written with carers in mind but useful to parents too. You can find it here.

Some useful organisations to contact for help with court orders are Advice Now and Child Law Advice.

If you need help with finding a solicitor – go to this link, to find out if you might be eligible for help with legal costs, look here.

I hope this information is useful.

Best wishes

Suzie

[Lannyjo]

Hi we are looking for advice - my husband has been seeing his kids in the contact centre for 6 years !! Mum had the kids removed due to them being burnt while in her care so the children are on a care plan with social until they are 18. My husband has been in Prison in the past for dv over 7 years ago now , the contact centre was put in place for him to familiarise again with the kids etc , during the 6 years of contact in the centre we have had 3 kids and got married , we have no social involvement and are doing great . The social services have promised all this time a change of being out of the centre and for the kids to meet their siblings - but the mother who now has them back in her care under the care order is refusing they see their siblings and refusing contact out of the centre . The social have told us we need to pay to get a child arrangement order and they will back us all the way , but as the social have PR we want to know why they aren’t using those rights to change what’s been happening for 6 years . ? We don’t know what’s legal and what’s not please help?

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Lannyjo

Welcome to the forum and thank you for your post. My name is Suzie, I am an online adviser and will be replying to you today.

In the past, children’s services were involved with your husband, his ex-partner and their children due to safeguarding concerns. The children were removed from their parent’s care and a care order was put in place. I will assume they were placed in foster care.

Your partner received a prison sentence due to domestic abuse. On his release from prison, contact between him and his children was set up in a contact centre, you say this was to ‘familiarise’ the children with their father. This arrangement has remained in place ever since (six years). Your husband would like to move contact on. To have contact with his children in the community and or at home, and for the children to meet their half siblings (you have three children with your husband and no involvement from children’s services). Over the years, your husband discussed his wish to move contact on with children’s services and they advised consideration would be given to this however nothing changed, contact remained the same. The children are now back in the care of their mother, the care order remains in place.

The children’s mother is refusing to change the contact with their father and for them to meet their half-siblings. Children’s services have suggested your husband seeks a child arrangements order and that they will ‘back us all the way.’ You are feeling confused by their stance and query why they have not exercised their parental responsibility in this matter.

If children’s services retain a care order then your husband would need to make an application for a child arrangement order to progress contact if he is not satisfied with the current arrangements in place. The Respondents would be children’s services and the children’s mother. I have added further information HERE regarding this process.

Due to the care order, children’s services do still retain parental responsibility for the children, this is held jointly with the mother and whilst they have overriding decision making for the day-to-day care of the children, the fact that the children are placed back with the mother will need to be taken into consideration. The information will be put before the court and the court will make a direction on the matter.

Whilst children’s services hold parental responsibility, it would be a good idea to discuss this matter with them. To ascertain whether there a mediation role they could facilitate between your husband and his ex- partner regarding contact arrangements for the children. This would of course be subject to any safeguarding concerns they may have.

You may also wish to seek legal advice regarding this matter. I have added a link HERE to the Law Society. They have a facility to find a solicitor in your local area. You would need one that specialises in child law, preferably one with child law accreditation.

You may find this helpful HERE. It is a link to Family Mediation Council. The have a facility to find a mediator in your area.

You may also find this link HERE useful. It would take you to the application process to apply for reduced court fees.

If you would like any further advice please contact the advice service again. You can:

• Call our freephone helpline on 0808 8010366 , Mon to Fri, 9.30 am to 3.00 pm (except bank holidays), to speak to an adviser.
• Send an advice enquiry advice enquiry
• Post another query here, on our kinship carers’ forum.
• Use our webchat facility web chat facility

Best wishes, Suzie