My child forced to see her abuser, with night terrors and nightmares

[Childrendefender]

Hi,
My child was sexually abused, I would not be able to tell for how long, she just turned two years old.
I realised too late, and medical notes were not evidences for proving this. We are experiencing stressful and hard time, it hurts to see my child's psychological injuries. Which of course is also impacting me.

My child is being forced to see him, many times she does not want to see him but she thinks is me who is encouraging for her to see him.
Also when she is going to see him, she calls him a different name, she has not referred about him by saying 'dada, or daddy' but other name is unknown to us.

Social Services decided to believe the abuser, hence the S7 Report said 'good things about the predator', and the Social Worker did not put about my child was referred to CAMHS, hence the judge was not aware. but putting me like I was being difficult and not honest. My major concern is that my child is in the middle of her brain development.

In nine times she has faced the abuser by FaceTime, she has had seventeen nightmares and Night Terrors specially when she sees him.
She has started wetting her bed, which she never ever has done before. As well as sucking her thumb again.

I am totally disappointed and frustrated by the lack of support we have received. Social Services has not referred my child to get psychological help.

I have asked for help everywhere I can, and my child has started with sexualised behaviour again. The predator behaves awkwardly on FaceTime with his tongue, with his jumping, by placing teddies in his parts whilst interacting with my child. I have been feeling sick, having not help. I don't need counselling, I need my child to be psychologically assessed.

Could someone please help us? It will be highly appreciated.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear childrendefender,

Welcome to the Parent’s Forum and I am sorry for the delay in responding to your post.

You say that your daughter was sexually abused by dad but is still allowed to have contact.
You say there is no medical evidence of sexual abuse. There does not need to be medical evidence for sexual abuse to have taken place. However, there may be other behaviours that may suggest sexual abuse has occurred. Did you witness it or was she displaying sexualised behaviour? Some behaviour is age appropriate but others more worrying.

You should discuss your concerns with the Just stop it now helpline on 0808 1000 900 or look at Parents Protect website. They specialise in prevention of child sexual abuse and so are experts. There are resources for parents about the signs of sexual abuse and also safety plans-to protect children from future sexual abuse.
You want your daughter to have psychological help. The Just Stop It Now helpline will be able to advise if there is any support that may be available.

I can see that there are private law proceedings and a social worker from children services completed the section 7 report.
It appears the social worker having assessed your family, does not think your daughter was abused by dad.
She has allowed contact to take place. Is dad having unsupervised contact with your daughter or is it supervised?

Since dad and your daughter have been seeing each other again, you say that your daughter is displaying worrying behaviours. She is suffering with nightmares, wetting the bed and has started sucking her thumb again. You have also witnessed dad behaving oddly via FaceTime. Have you considered recording one of the FaceTime sessions so that you can show the social worker or solicitor?

I think you should tell the social worker about your daughter suffering nightmares and bed wetting after being dry at night. There may be many reasons for this. Sometimes, just changes such as seeing her father again or being away from you might have worried your daughter. But because of the history you should let the social worker know.
I would assume that the social worker would have done a thorough section 7 report which would have included background checks of dad. She would have assessed dad to find out his views about sex, for example. I expect his contact with your daughter would have been assessed as well to see how she responds to him.
Even so things can be missed. So please do let your solicitor or social worker know about what is happening. You could also discuss your concerns with your health visitor.

Often, parents can be very anxious about sexualised behaviour in young children and assume the worst-that their child has been abused, even when they haven’t. Then children’s services might be worried that a parent’s anxiety might impact on their child.

If the social worker has said this, please ask the social worker to explain why she has reached the decision she has. It may help you understand the situation.

I hope this advice helps. If you have any questions, please post again. You could also call the Just Stop It Now helpline or our advice line on 0808 801 0366.
Best wishes,
Suzie