Access to own children if on register

[KCD]

Hi I’m looking at getting some advice on my situation please. Around June 2022 I asked social services for help as I was living in an unsafe environment with my baby’s biological father living across the road and his girlfriend harassing me. They didn’t help me at all and just caused me a lot of un needed stress. By April of this year I was struggling with my mental health and had no support. I was back in touch with an ex and he suggested I stayed with him for a bit after a scary breakdown that unfortunately my son witnessed. He was 5 months at the time. I decided to stay with my ex and my mental and physical health improved drastically. I felt safe and had support.

My ex is a sex offender and when I asked the council to move near him and asked my health visitor for help SS were called. I am very aware of my ex’s past and offence and I believe he is a safe person to be around myself and my son. However I do completely understand why they are concerned and believe he is a risk. SS agreed that he could be around my son but I would have to supervise which I agreed and signed the agreement. Unfortunately I had to leave his flat but I was very scared to return to my own house as I was worried my mental health would decline again and we weren’t safe there. SS provided us temporary accommodation as I made suicide threats out of desperation and fear. I understand that this was wrong, I was just desperate to feel safe. I was forced to return and a few weeks later was moved by the council to a permanent safe home. My son was then put on a child protection plan a month later and they started saying my ex wasn’t allowed to see my son at all. They are not giving me a clear reason as to why. I am now pregnant with my ex’s baby and I’m being told he won’t be allowed to see either children or me. I was told a few weeks ago I would be able to complete a risk assessment to supervise their contact again but they have again changed their minds and now said he won’t ever be able to see them and won’t be allowed at the birth. His legal conditions are he is allowed contact with children but if it’s over 12 hours he has to tell his probation officer. He will also be removed off the register around the time baby is due to be born. I feel SS are making their own rules and not following legal procedures. I am being scrutinised as a mother and feel like they are trying to severely control me and my life. I’m not really sure what to do.

[Nothinghelps]

Hey kcd. I can feel your pain. No matter what you do social services will always now see him as a risk and unfortunately the way the system is they can make up Thier own rules from what I'm seeing. Probation services can't really do anything he will have what they call a shpo. This will have his conditions on that he must follow or the police get involved so it really does depend how long he was put on the sex offenders register for. If he's still under probation it's likely to have years still on the register. It's really horrible as under the law he is entitled to a normal family life. This means in a situation like this if he's not breaking any of the shpo rules he should be allowed around your child when they are born. It does not stop you talking to him via the phone if he's supporting you it's a matter off jumping through Thier hoops I'm afraid. Keep your chin up stay strong as both of those children need you and will love you more than you ever know. Feel free to pm me if you want a chat.

[Pepsiking1490]

Why you'd want to live with/have a baby with a sex Offender is beyond me.....


But I'll give you the answer your looking for.


You being told he cannot have contact with your kids, or enter the maternity unit is due to him being a convicted predator. At the end of the day, he's a risk as established by the social. That is the reason. That's why it hasn't been spelled out to you.

I'm sorry you are going through this, but if you don't abide by the child protection plan they will move to remove your children as you cannot keep away from your ex who has obviously done something heinous. If you're seen as minimising the risk he poses, you'll be deemed incompetent.

Hope the tough love helps.

[KCD]

Hey kcd. I can feel your pain. No matter what you do social services will always now see him as a risk and unfortunately the way the system is they can make up Thier own rules from what I'm seeing. Probation services can't really do anything he will have what they call a shpo. This will have his conditions on that he must follow or the police get involved so it really does depend how long he was put on the sex offenders register for. If he's still under probation it's likely to have years still on the register. It's really horrible as under the law he is entitled to a normal family life. This means in a situation like this if he's not breaking any of the shpo rules he should be allowed around your child when they are born. It does not stop you talking to him via the phone if he's supporting you it's a matter off jumping through Thier hoops I'm afraid. Keep your chin up stay strong as both of those children need you and will love you more than you ever know. Feel free to pm me if you want a chat.

I’m looking into getting some legal advice and state to SS that legally once is he off the register in May when baby is due to be born, there will be nothing legally they can do as he deserves to be treated normally. He will have been on the register for 5 years in total. They’re going as far as saying he isn’t allowed any contact with me now which I know full well isn’t allowed. I am an adult and can have contact with whoever I like. They are just trying to control me and use my mental health in their favour. They’re being brutal. They’re saying it’s up to probation whether he’s allowed around the children but then still controlling his probation officer aswell. I have spoken to him personally to confirm my ex is legally allowed round children and he said he’s not. It’s got to the point my ex is so scared and exhausted that he won’t see our children that he just won’t speak to me now which obviously SS are loving and using to their advantage saying he’s clearly not interested and making out I’m crazy and obsessive.

[KCD]

Why you'd want to live with/have a baby with a sex Offender is beyond me.....


But I'll give you the answer your looking for.


You being told he cannot have contact with your kids, or enter the maternity unit is due to him being a convicted predator. At the end of the day, he's a risk as established by the social. That is the reason. That's why it hasn't been spelled out to you.

I'm sorry you are going through this, but if you don't abide by the child protection plan they will move to remove your children as you cannot keep away from your ex who has obviously done something heinous. If you're seen as minimising the risk he poses, you'll be deemed incompetent.

Hope the tough love helps.

As much as I appreciate I didn’t explain what he’d done, please do not judge everyone under one category. He was seeing a 15 year old who claimed to be 17 and having consensual sex. This was when he was 19. He didn’t do anything wrong and didn’t deserve what she did out of spite because he broke up with her. It’s also not fair that this will effect the rest of his life and will miss out on his children’s lives

[Pepsiking1490]

Then yeah. I wholeheartedly apologise.

It's stupid that these sort of situations consitute someone being a convicted sex offender. In most countries they have "romeo and juliet' laws but not here.

It doesn't deserve the break up of your family at all. We all make dumb mistakes as teenagers.

I've reread what I wrote and I sort of feel appaled that came out of my mouth.

Keep fighting. At the end of the day it was two ***** teens getting their rocks off. Its not like he was a 50 year old man playing with 13 year old girls.

Keep fighting.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Hi I’m looking at getting some advice on my situation please. Around June 2022 I asked social services for help as I was living in an unsafe environment with my baby’s biological father living across the road and his girlfriend harassing me. They didn’t help me at all and just caused me a lot of un needed stress. By April of this year I was struggling with my mental health and had no support. I was back in touch with an ex and he suggested I stayed with him for a bit after a scary breakdown that unfortunately my son witnessed. He was 5 months at the time. I decided to stay with my ex and my mental and physical health improved drastically. I felt safe and had support.

My ex is a sex offender and when I asked the council to move near him and asked my health visitor for help SS were called. I am very aware of my ex’s past and offence and I believe he is a safe person to be around myself and my son. However I do completely understand why they are concerned and believe he is a risk. SS agreed that he could be around my son but I would have to supervise which I agreed and signed the agreement. Unfortunately I had to leave his flat but I was very scared to return to my own house as I was worried my mental health would decline again and we weren’t safe there. SS provided us temporary accommodation as I made suicide threats out of desperation and fear. I understand that this was wrong, I was just desperate to feel safe. I was forced to return and a few weeks later was moved by the council to a permanent safe home. My son was then put on a child protection plan a month later and they started saying my ex wasn’t allowed to see my son at all. They are not giving me a clear reason as to why. I am now pregnant with my ex’s baby and I’m being told he won’t be allowed to see either children or me. I was told a few weeks ago I would be able to complete a risk assessment to supervise their contact again but they have again changed their minds and now said he won’t ever be able to see them and won’t be allowed at the birth. His legal conditions are he is allowed contact with children but if it’s over 12 hours he has to tell his probation officer. He will also be removed off the register around the time baby is due to be born. I feel SS are making their own rules and not following legal procedures. I am being scrutinised as a mother and feel like they are trying to severely control me and my life. I’m not really sure what to do.

Dear KCD

Thank you for your further posts.

You are clearly frustrated by having children’s services involvement with you and your family.
In your posts you express of understanding of why children’s services are involved but the language you use about their involvement is not, I do not think, appear helpful to show you as engaging and working with them. To get the best outcome for you, your son and unborn baby, it is important that children’s services assess you to be a protective parent.

I suggest you go back to my post on 22nd September as that had useful advice and links.
It is important that you do not minimise your partner’s sex offending status. You say he did nothing wrong. The fact is he has been convicted of a sexual offence and was placed on the sex offenders register as a result.

You mention in a later post that your partner's offence was committed when he was young and the victim was 15 at the time and the sexual activity was consensual. It is important to understand that a 15 year old cannot be said to agree to consensual sex since she is a child. Your partner was convicted and saying she told him she was 17 does not change the fact that a crime was committed.

I hope you will be able to understand the concerns that children's services have and the necessity for assessments to be done. It may be that your partner is trying to cooperate with the process by adhering to what has been suggested he has decided to keep away until children's services completes their investigation. It is important that you show you are putting your children's needs first.

As children’s services have not assessed the persons you put forward as supervisors, you should ask for a written explanation of why this has not happened. You should do the same in respect of the risk assessment which should have been done of you.

Hope this advice helps.

Best wishes

Suzie

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Why you'd want to live with/have a baby with a sex Offender is beyond me.....
But I'll give you the answer your looking for.

You being told he cannot have contact with your kids, or enter the maternity unit is due to him being a convicted predator. At the end of the day, he's a risk as established by the social. That is the reason. That's why it hasn't been spelled out to you.

I'm sorry you are going through this, but if you don't abide by the child protection plan they will move to remove your children as you cannot keep away from your ex who has obviously done something heinous. If you're seen as minimising the risk he poses, you'll be deemed incompetent.

Hope the tough love helps.

Then yeah. I wholeheartedly apologise.

It's stupid that these sort of situations consitute someone being a convicted sex offender. In most countries they have "romeo and juliet' laws but not here.

It doesn't deserve the break up of your family at all. We all make dumb mistakes as teenagers.

I've reread what I wrote and I sort of feel appaled that came out of my mouth.

Keep fighting. At the end of the day it was two ***** teens getting their rocks off. Its not like he was a 50 year old man playing with 13 year old girls.

Keep fighting.

Dear Pepsiking1490

Thank you for posting again on the parents’ discussion forum
Whilst the purpose of the forum is for parents to offer peer support to each other, the response in your post to KCD does not appear helpful, although this is the sentiment you express. She may well have found it a difficult post to cope with.

I see that following KCD’s response to your post you provided an apology in a further post. That was a kind thing to do, and I think KCD will appreciate your gesture.

It is important however, that it is noted the second response as an apology is doing what you advised KCD against in your first post and that is minimising the sex offender’s action. Children’s services have serious concerns and are working with this family to ensure the children and unborn baby will be looked after in a safe environment. They are not able to ignore the fact of a conviction for sexual offence against a minor. The criminal court took a serious view of this, and the offender received a custodial sentence and placed on the sex offenders register.

Describing the offence as teenagers ‘getting their rocks off’ minimises and misses the point of children’s services concerns which is what the expectant mother really must take on board to have the best outcome for her family. The children are children’s services main concern in this process and, as such, the parents and expectant parents must recognise this and show they understand why children’s services are concerned.

Best wishes

Suzie

[Scooby1]

Hi - this is my first time contacting the group. So my partner committed an offence against 2 boys 20 years ago and was put on the register indefinitely due to being in a position of trust. I stupidly gave him a second chance. I’ve worked hard with social to come to agreements with my son.

Last Aug my partner (now ex) was arrested for sending an indecent video to a minor via social media - he goes to court next month.

The minor he sent it to lives opposite us! The parents of the minor have been harassing me for months and we currently have a police investigation on going.

My question is if anything were to happen to me before my son turns 18 where does my ex partner stand with custody?? I’m assuming he wouldn’t be allowed to have him alone? I need to get my will sorted out and something put in place for my son.

Any help or advice please - thanks

[Nothinghelps]

Hi scooby. From the sounds of things to me it's now multiple offences. In this kind of case I would be guessing for safety reasons they would more likely go to the next trusted family member rather than his father. But as you said making a will and expressing your wishes is very important as that would likely hold a lot of weight where the child would go if anything did happen to your self.