Access to own children if on register

[Skysie98]

Sorry for not replying for a while.

Our daughter is now almost 1 still in Foster care.
Our social worker ended up leaving
Her managers didn't agree with her so unfortunately they are still pushing for adoption.
However the old social worker will have to attend final hearing and be questioned.
She still doesn't support the plan.

We had court 3 weeks ago.
Judge ordered updated parenting assessment.
Social were urged to reconsider my therpay ( however we are all in agreement I can do the therpay I have found for myself which started this week)
The judge acknowledged good progress by me and her father.
He has now not lived with me for a year or visited for 9 months.
Final hearing is at the end of February and by then he will not have been in my home for 11 months..

We were able to ask the forensic psychologist for an ammedum which said my partner had made significant changes and although I had made progress I had not made as much due to not being able to do therapy (they stopped funding the original in June) which he's now saying if I do 6 more months he would see us again and do a whole new report but the judge wouldn't allow another 6 month I could have done by now had they of continued funding it from the beginning.

However significant effort has been made and continues to be made.
I need to continue therapy.
We need to continue relationship counselling.
And continue to have no incidents.

Currently my solicitor is unsure what's going to happen as so much has been done.
However my partner is having problems now expressing himself to sw and it's coming across as he doesn't understand the concerns

We both just want it over with.
It's starting to take a toll.
New social worker seems okay but honestly not sure.
Her updated parenting assessment has to be in by the 26th January. We then have to do updated statements etc.

Contact is very good and no real concerns there.
Social worker doing video guidance with us to help improve it a little. Nothing significant just we tend to crowd her a little bit ( I hate she's growing up so quickly) and sometimes me and my partner are speaking to her at the same time and this overwhelms her a little but overall we do really well with her
We are continuing our relationship counselling.
I am doing my therpay which is for 12 months.
And continue my safeguarding therpay.

My fear is I need to complete my therapy before I can have a child in my care and unfortunately due to them cutting the funding for this that it won't be done in time for our little girl as it won't finish till November.

Keeping fighting..

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Skysie 98

Thank you for your updating post.

It is good to see that both you and your daughter’s father are making good progress in addressing the concerns of children’s services. I hope that the updating parenting assessment will be positive.
I am sorry that the judge was not willing to extend the time further for your therapy because of the timescale for your daughter but now that you have started therapy it might have a significant impact for you going up to the final hearing in February.

The final decision will be for the judge to make at the final hearing but for now you should continue to do all you can to strengthen your case. Did you have any family members or friends assessed as possible carers for your daughter if you or her father are not able to care for her? Adoption is usually decided on where there are no other option.

I hope you will do well in your therapy and that the all the progress you and father have made will be looked at positively.

Do continue to have good contact and try hard to take on board the advice about how to get the best out for contact for your daughter and yourself.

You may find it helpful to read the information HERE about care proceedings for more about what happens at the final hearing.

I hope this is helpful.

Best wishes

Suzie

[Skysie98]

Hi suzie,
The updated parenting assessment should be in by the 26th January.

I continue to take all advice during contact and take it on board.
My therapy started 2 weeks ago and I should have done 14 weeks by the time we get to the final hearing.

Continuing to do everything we can. I made a lot of mistakes at the beginning but have continued to change and learn.

Unfortunately we don't have any family who can take her.
His godmother is able to move in with me and help but can't have her in her care on her own 24/7.
My family walked away.
And his parents are not in good health.

The final hearing is the 25th-28tj February. We have an IRH the week before although not entirely sure why?

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Skysie98

Thank you for posting again.

I can only suggest as in previous posts that you continue to engage positively with children’s services and the parenting assessment being carried out.

It is unfortunate that there are no family or friends who can have been positively assessed to care for your child.
At the final hearing the judge will decide on the local authority’s application for a care order. The judge will consider all the evidence before deciding what is best for your child in the long term.

You mention that there will an Issues Resolution Hearing (IRH) a week before the final hearing, but you are not sure why. I think it is important for you to ask your solicitor to explain anything about your case that you do not understand. The IRH is to discuss those things are agreed and what is still in dispute between the parties. For example, your position if different to that of children’s services who are seeking an order in their favour. Sometimes an IRH may be used for as an Early Final Hearing if all parties agree.

You want your child in your care. HERE is our advice sheet about care and related proceedings to help you understand the process better. You may already have this but for easy reference have sent it again.

I suggest you continue to work with the social worker doing your assessment. Enjoy contact and discuss any concerns you have about your case with your solicitor.

I am not able to add any more advice than that given in my previous response to you.

Best wishes

Suzie

[Skysie98]

Hi Suzie

The parenting assesment was negative again
They recognised change but that its not sufficient enough and that a period of time is needed to ensure that what we have learnt stays.
In their view it needs to be long term sufficient change.
I am devasted.
How can parents do so much but still not be enough. There's nothing else he can do expect keep proving himself.
I have to do my therpay and we both have to make sure that the relationship doesn't have any more issues but it's not in our daughters timescale
My solicitor said the judge will most likely agree with them but I should keep fighting because there's still a chance.

I am so broken
Will the future be any different?
My solicitor and social worker have both said they can't see why if we keep doing what we are it won't be. But I don't belive them.

Final hearing in 2 weeks and I know she's not coming home.

I still have 9 months therapy (reports are postive) and we can't see the psychologist till 2 months after the final hearing to have a review so there literally nothing I can do.

The system is so broken

Skysie

[confusedscaredmumof3]

Hello,

I have been reading this post, and i really hope you're ok.

Do you mind me asking are you with him? do you think you'd be allowed your child if it was just you?

I hope you dont mind me asking, i am in a similar situation myself but i am right at the begining of this hell ride.

Currently my husband is on bail (not allowed to live at address) he has had bail extended a further 2 months, ss have currently closed but if he is charged and convicted they'll be back basically, what does that mean? they will make me choose?

Thankyou

[Skysie98]

Hi lovely.

I am not really okay but I have to keep going for my little girl
I am not sure to be honest.
We are still together but live seperatly and have done since before our little girl was born (16 months)

I messed up in the beginning and lied to them because I didn't understand what they wanted from me because he was the issue but then a week before she was born they turned it on me.

My solicitor said it may have given me a better chance but there was no guarantees either way.

It always depends on what Risk your husband poses in their view or if an independent risk assessment was done what they see his risk as.
And will depend on whether they see you as protective.

The issue for me is that although he's low risk. Due to my own issues i am currently not seen as protective from him or anyone else I may get in a relationship with in the future. And also because the issues in our case is not as simple as just sexual risk.

In my opinion yes you would be better leaving him in the short term at least to prove you can safeguard and then if assessments are postive on him you can go from there.
I wish I had done it that way round as I have now lost my little girl pretty much. I wish I had left to show I was protective and then once issues were solved got back together if they had let us.

Every case is different.
All I will say is work with them, be honest if you wish to remain in a relationship be honest don't lie.
Do the Lucy Faithfull inform course if you haven't already.

I wish you all the best though and I hope they let you be a family. But don't risk your kids if they are being clear you can't be family.

Skysie

[confusedscaredmumof3]

Thankyou, from trying to look online and research i can see its all a huge mine field!

When i received the post off ss the other day saying that it was closed for the time being but should he be charged and convicted they'll be back, it says how they are not concerned currently as i am protective and due to his conditions he is not allowed home, my letter was in my maiden name i just cant help but think that is a clue as too what they want you know.

The offence is publishing an obscene article, ss disclosed to me messaging an unknown male offering his 13 yr old daughter for abuse images exchanged non indecent (face) - not clear to me yet if face is of anyone or our actual daughter. The arrest was in December, like i said bails been extended - how long will this go on for? Husband is saying to me, older children he is innocent, has no messaging app on his phone and sent no messages.

The police are supposed to speak with me in the new year, so far i have heard nothing. All the uncertainty is driving me mad.

Our youngest daughter is so upset from all this, just wants dad home, doesnt understand why.

[Skysie98]

So he will most likely be on bail for a while.
My partners first offence he was on bail for 2 and half years and 2nd offence 8 months

So in regards to social I had a child with him years after the offence so I can't say what will happen as he had already been sentenced. But with his first offence he was married with children. He was allowed to return home on bail and they were happy with this however once he was sentenced they made his ex choose at the time and she left him while he was in prison.
So yes once he's convicted they will have to look at it again and reassess the risk.

I will be honest and with what your partners being accused of I would be very careful as its to his own child and that would mean they would be very worried about your daughters safety if you were to allow him back home. Currently you say he can't live at the address anyway which I am guessing is because of police bail conditions?

My partners offence was online and chat and he never planned to meet, he didn't share photos or anything and they are still worried about our daughters safety despite him being low risk.
However without my other issues we could fight it and would probably be okay to have her x

Don't take his innocence at face value. You will need to make sure you are able to know all evidence against him before. As if you trust him and belive he's innocent they will worry your not protecting the girls.

All I can say is to work with them if they get involved again, be honest and ensure your kids come first.
I made mistakes they I can't take back. I thought they would help me but they didn't
Just be very careful.
Lucy Faithfull can help you on how to help your kids understand in a child friendly way why their dad isn't around they. This is part of the inform course.
I hope I haven't said anything to upset you too much.
I don't envy anyone going through what you or me or others are.

Skysie

[confusedscaredmumof3]

Its all such a mind field, I thought as much as on ss closure letter it says there concern is cs by a family member but they are happy with his bail conditions not allowing him to live at home and me being protective.

The struggle is as he is telling us hes innocent and not wrote any messages, my elder daughter is confused, my son would never believe his dad could do such a thing, and like i said my youngest is so distraught from missing daddy and living this nightmare, I just keep thinking no one would want to admit to this would they? but i can see people do because its true honesty is the best policy and facing upto your problems is best isnt it and obviously in the eyes on the law thats what they want also, so ive got to admit i am very fearful as to what happens next.

He is awaiting a solicitor to contact him and advise, like i said im awaiting police to contact me to inform me, i think once thats happened things will change again.

I have said from the beginning if hes found guilty of this i will not be with him, my children do come first as much as the girls hearts and my sons will be broken from this.

Its so nice to have someone to talk to.
Take care x