Child protection Plan - child living with me

[coswa08]

Hi

8 weeks ago my son was put into my care under a voluntary agreement due to a child protection plan being put into place.
The mother of the child was in an abusive relationship for 2 years and despite being told time and time again that she would lose her son, continued her relationship with the 'abuser' and lied to the social services about this.

Eventually, they took my son out of her care and put him in mine, ' temporarily'.

He has seen his mother regularly since living with me, 2 weeks supervised and now 6 weeks unsupervised. He sees her all day every day and they are now pushing for overnight stays. At the previous conference, they made me out to be the bad parent with lots of false allegations of me being controlling, abusive etc. of which none were true.

From the initial day of my son being in my care, I have received nothing but abusive messages from the mother, I have been verbally attacked when collecting my child on numerous occasions. yet I have continued to offer her to take him to events, split his birthday in half and done everything else that was asked of me from social. However, when she accuses me of these things they question my ability as a parent but when I told the social worker the truth - her reply was 'shes still his mom' and that she would have words, which will be brushed aside.

In the report from the last conference, all professionals now voiced their concerns that they are worried about my parenting and how I am behaving around my son. Since being in my care he has thrived, we've moved into a new house to give him stability, he no longer has a dummy, he is currently potty training and has just started swimming lessons. We never talk about the situation or his mother whilst he is in the house. We encourage him all the time to see his mom and to be excited to see her.

After a visit with our social worker yesterday, I asked whether I would be allowed to take my partner with me to the next conference in which the social worker told me 'I will have to ask the moms permission' - which of course she will say no to. However, she takes support to the conferences herself without my permission.

I also have been told that I need the moms permission to have anybody on my behalf safety checked to enable them to supervise my son unattended - eg. family friends etc however she has had an endless list of people safety checked without me even being told.

Can anybody please advise me as to wether there is anything I can do, as I feel like social have put my son in my care and are now turning the whole case ( which is because of the moms choices in parenting and not putting the childs needs first) - to now rewarding the mom and making me out to be the bad one. Should every decision I make about who supports me at the conferences, and who can look after my son be approved by the mom ?

Why is it so one sided? - I am his father and currently full time carer so why does she still have the final say?
Are there any steps I can take to get this sorted
Thanks for any help you can give me.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear coswa08

Thank you for your post and welcome to the Board

A way that you might manage your son being in your care with possibly less Children’s Services involvement would be for you to make an application for a Child Arrangements Order, here is our advice sheet about this which is written for carers but it will give you an idea of how to proceed, and here is a link to Advice Now where you will see their booklet sorting out arrangements for children.

You said that the most recent report raised concerns about your parenting, from what you seem to say social workers are worried about the interactions between you and mother and whether you son is being affected by this. In relation to overnight stays and other contact arrangements, a Child Arrangements Order, may help. With regard to taking your partner to the conference for support, you should ask prior to future conferences who will be accompanying your child’s mother and suggest that if she will have support you would like some too, here is our advice sheet about Advocacy for families when social workers make plans for their children and our advice sheet about Child protection procedures.


For your information you have parental responsibility and at the moment have the day to day care of the child and whilst there is a need to speak to your child’s mother when you are making important decisions about him you do not need to for minor decisions, the Government sets this statement out here and other practical advice can been read here.

Best wishes

Suzie