Pregnant with second child need help or advice on what will happen!

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Pregnant with second child need help or advice on what will happen!

Post by Mummy20xx » Tue Sep 19, 2017 12:54 pm

I'm 20 years old and currently 9weeks 5days pregnant with my second child.

I fell pregnant with my daughter at 16 gave birth at 17 where I was in care myself social services where instantly involved they done assements and I passed them all. Everything was good up in till she was 8 weeks old I got diagnosed with post natal depression. I never got better from it but where I was young I didn't want to accept the fact I had depression I took medication for a bit then stopped. Then when my daughter was 9 months old me and her dad split up after 3 and half years together that destroyed me and added on to my depression. Me and my daughter was living with my sister so I let her take over a bit just to help me get back on my feet.

In July 2016 I got offered my first flat for me and my daughter. I was happy that's all I had wanted for me and my daughter. But things got tough I had no idea what it was like to live on my own with a 18 month old! My family where sort of helping my sister would take her to give me a break from time to time. I then got with a boy who I really shouldn't of got with we started arguing bad and it was all happening in front of my daughter (I know this sounds terrible) on top of that I had mental health problems I got dignosed with a split personality disorder. Things got worse a lot worse so social services got involved with my daughter after a few weeks I had to attend a child protection conference. I attended the meeting with my now ex partner and my sister. Social services done a check on my now ex partner and they saw him as a risk to my daughter along with my mental health problems they put my daughter on the at risk register. This sent me over the wall I hated the fact my daughter was on the at risk I felt like such a bad mum! My mental health got worse I lost my flat my sister said she would take care of my daughter as I had no where to live. In September 2016 I had a overdose which obviously made the social very very concerned even more! They then asked me to sign a section 20 so munch daughter could stay with my sister I agreed as it was the best option for her at the time.

In November 2016 my daughter came off the at risk register as the case was now going to court for care proceedings. I still had mental health problems and was still with my ex partener even though he was seemed a risk to my daughter (even though I never saw him as a risk as he was brilliant with my daughter) social services told me it was him or m daughter if I wanted a chance to have her back in my care after the 26 weeks proceedings. I ended the relationship for munch daughter all I wanted was her back! I done everything social services had asked me to do I passed my first drug test it only came up with exctesy (which I was forced to take in a grooming incident) social services knew about that incident and didn't care it came up everything else I was clear of. Court started at the end of December 2016 i then got given contact arrangements to see my daughter at my sisters house 3 days a week. I was attending contact and then me and my sister started arguing quite a bit so I found it difficult to go round there to see my daughter.

In march 2017 I got with someone else I took him the 3rd court hearing my daughters Dad flagged up he was a risk so they done checks again it came back he had been in prison and he was worse than the other bloke I had previously been with (I had no idea about his record he said it was clean) this completely ruined my chance of having my daughter back in my care! Social services concerns was I was going to have the wrong men around my daughter and my mental health problems (even though now I haven't had any break downs in front of my daughter. They have stopped completely) my sister was granted a special guardianship order so now my daughter is living with my sister till she is 18.

I've recently found out I'm pregnant with the guy I went to the child protection conference with or my daughters Dad. (Please don't judge me) social services are aware that the guy I went CP with could be the father but not aware that it could be my daughters Dad! My question is if I had my daughter taken off me will this baby be taken aswell? Even though I've sorted myself out completely got rid of the bloke (police had to get involved) I've got my permanent flat I have contact with my daughter my mental health has really really calmed down I've even agreed to see someone from the mental health team! It will kill me to loose another child as it won't be kept In the family this time It will go straight in to care. Any advice would be good sorry for the long post.

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Re: Pregnant with second child need help or advice on what will happen!

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Thu Sep 21, 2017 2:22 pm

Dear Mummy20**

Welcome to the Parents Forum.
Congratulations on your pregnancy and thank you for posting.

I can see that you have been through so much, over the last few years. This resulted in children services becoming involved and the court making a decision that your daughter should live with your sister, under a special guardianship order.
You want to know what you can do to maximise the chances of your baby remaining with you or within your friend and family network-to avoid your baby being adopted.

There will be a pre- birth assessment of you, by children services. Has the pre-birth assessment started?

A recent court case (Nottingham City Council v LW & others [2016] EWHC 11)said that children services should start the assessment as soon as they know of your pregnancy. This then may allow you to access any support you might need as soon as possible and also to challenge any part of the assessment as soon as you receive it, so give you a better chance of looking after your child.

Look at our advice about working with social workers

It is very likely that there will be a pre- birth child protection plan because of the very recent care proceedings. So expect this, and it may be less upsetting for you. During the child protection procedures, there will be a meeting to decide whether care proceedings will be issued once your baby is born and whether the local authority will want baby to remain in your care or be removed from you.
You should ask that your solicitor or an advocate attend any child protection conference ton support you.

Children services are likely to take care proceedings. They may base their case on the evidence that was accepted by the court in March 2017. However, it is very important that you will want to ensure that all the changes/improvements you have made, are assessed. To help this happen, engage with children services assessments and get advice from your solicitor as soon as you can.
You should read through the written judgment of the court, guardians report, any expert reports and final evidence of the social worker in respect of the care proceedings. What was flagged up as a problem? What support could you get now? How have you changed?
Mental health
Your mental health was a big factor in the earlier court proceedings you said.
Things have changed significantly. You are accepting support from the mental health team and that your mental health is stable. Continue accessing the support. Try and attend every appointment that is set and if you are not able to, let the worker know why.
You will want them to report how well you are engaging.
Is there any other help you can get from them? A mental health advocate could help you access support, particularly as you are now pregnant. Pregnancy and having a new baby, can be stress factors that may affect your mental health.
What else is available in your area? Will you have a midwife who specialises in mental health and might there a psychiatric mother and baby unit place available for you and baby?
You may be re- assessed by the psychiatrist or psychologist who assessed you in the care proceedings. They will be assessing the improvement in your mental health. Have you been stable long enough and could there be a re-lapse?

Your exe partners
In relation to the father of your child, it is important to be honest, with the social worker. A DNA test can take place, to ascertain who is father. It is also in baby’s best long term interests to have information about father and his medical and family background. You will be putting your baby’s needs first.
The social worker needs to be able to trust you. This will help there be a better working relationship between you.
If you were to have any contact (on social media, by phone or directly, with either exe partner, let the social worker know this, so she can consider what support you might need to access. The social worker will want to assess the father of your baby, to see whether he or anyone in his family can care for baby.
You are aware that you have been criticised for choosing unsuitable and risky partners. Have you been on any courses to help you recognise when someone might be grooming you or abusing or controlling you? Ask the social worker about these. If you suffered sexual exploitation, there may be advocacy support to help you access courses.
If there has been domestic violence, then look at our FAQ’s about domestic violence .

As a care leaver
As a care leaver, aged 20, you should have a personal adviser and a pathway plan. Read support for care leavers about what support you should get as well as how to harnessing support from people such as your old foster carer personal adviser and your old social worker.
Having support around you (which often care leavers do not have) can be crucial.

Your midwife
it is important that you attend all the health appointments with your midwife. Is there a family nurse partnership in your area? This is where you are allocated a nurse who visits you every week until your baby is 2 years. If so. Can you be referred for it? It seems to me that things were going well for you when you were living at your sisters but fell apart when you lived on your own and when your daughter was 18 months.

Sure start and groups for young parents
Sure Start or local groups for young parents could offer support. Ask the social worker about these.

Assessing friends and family
Children services will be expected to assess any friends or family to see if anyone could care for baby, if the court was to decide that you are not able to.
Push for a Family group conference to take place, as soon as possible. This is where “connected” people (family and friends on both sides of the family) are invited to a meeting and asked, to come up with a support plan to help you but also to put themselves forward as long term carers for your baby. What about your sister?
Connected persons can include distant relatives as well as relatives who live in different parts of the world. Also your old foster carer, for example, could be considered as well as friends of you and dad.

Here is information about family group conferences .

Advocacy services.
As well as being in touch with your solicitor, ask children services about advocacy services in your area or you could contact NYAS national youth advocacy or Just for kids law-(London only).

I hope this advice helps but if you have any questions please post again, look at our young parents website or call our advice line on 0808 801 0366.
You should also speak to your solicitor as soon as you can. What immediate advice can they give you? They will know the history of your case well so will be well placed to give you advice.

Best wishes,


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