Confused and distraught

Post Reply
Posts: 1
Joined: Thu Jun 29, 2017 10:58 pm

Confused and distraught

Post by Cymro » Sun Jul 09, 2017 6:55 pm

Hello, I could do with some advice please.
My ex husband has been hell bent on 'making me pay' since I started a new relationship. He has used the social services by making constant complaints about myself and my partner by pretending he is doing so out of concern for our 3 children. I have since had a child by my new partner, and our second child due in two weeks.
My ex husband has been using my partners past history of domestic violence agains us, had been making claims about the children witnessing fight between us and even stated that my partner and myself have hit the children.
Two weeks ago all children were taken from me and put in care, the 3 by my ex have gone to live with him whilst the remaining are in the care of social services.
My children have been questioned throughout the assesment and have never once said that they are hurt by my partner or myself. They have all confirmed that they have never been witnesses of any fights, but have mentioned hearing raised voices a couple of times in the past.
They have all stated how they adore my new partner, claim they have fun with him and are not scared of him.
They have always said that they wanted to stay as they were, with their mother(myself) and my partner.

There has been questioning in the past in regards to accusations the children once made against me, one was 'that I had hit my child in the stomach'. When that child was questioned he said to the social worker that he had said this 'because his father told him to do so', and this was backed up by his two brothers.

We were recently in court and were horrified to hear the social workers final statement that was presented to the judge. Three quarters of this statement was lies.
He had made claim's to me by saying I was telling my children what to say, things that made it appear to be a vendetta by my husband. He also said that the children had confirmed to seeing us fight, and said they wanted to be with their father and not me.
It all came to a head when my children were taken from me because of this statement made. There were even parts of this statement that differed to all other statements made during the assessment, and full of contradictions throughout.

I don't believe I will ever be free of my ex husband, he has always said that he would make my life hell. The social services must investigate a complaint made, so this is what he's always done, knowing they will stick around because of that one incident that my partner held his hands up to.

I don't understand how this could have happened, and what were they thinking by putting our 3 kids in his care.
My ex has a long string of violence offences, hammer attack, once when we were woken by him having broken in and dragging the children from their beds with a knife in his hand, alsorts. How has this happened? Will I ever get my baby's back? And what will happen when my baby is born in less than a months time?
Where's the justice in any of this. My children have a right to be heard, yet the social worker has his ears covered and making it all up as he goes along. My children should never have been put in such a situation, clearly my ex does not give a damb about them. I desparetly need help, I must save my children. I feel so hopeless

User avatar
Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 2212
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Confused and distraught

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Fri Jul 28, 2017 2:24 pm

Dear Cymro

Welcome to the Parents’ Discussion Board.

My name is Suzie, online adviser at Family Rights Group. I am very sorry that your post did not receive a response sooner, this was due to volume of work.

I am sorry that you feel so desperate about the situation you find yourself in with your children now living with their father who you think is not the person to care for the children.

It is not clear from your post whether you were involved in care proceedings brought by children services or private law proceedings following an application by your ex-husband. In either case if the court made a care order with the children placed with their father or child arrangement order, it is not normally possible to make a further application to the court to change the order within a 6 month period where a final order was made.

If the case is ongoing then and no final order made then it will be for you to show the court why the children are better off living with you. I do not know the children’s ages but the older they are the more likely that their wishes and feelings will be given more weight.
It appears that domestic abuse/violence is the reason children services became involved. If they tried to work with you and you failed to engage then it is more likely that, in order to safeguard the children, they will suggest children stay in their father’s care if the concern relates to you care of the children or the environment in which they are living.

Regarding your other children, are they children in foster care? Is children services working with you for the children to return home? Are you engaging with children services and doing what is expected of you to address any concerns they have. Children services are likely to have pre-birth planning conference which could result in child protection plan for your unborn child. It is difficult to give full advice as it is not clear from your post what children services is asking you to do. I have included here a copy of our advice sheets relating to child protection procedures as well as care and related proceedings which I hope will give you a better understanding of the situation you in which you find yourself.

You can of course post again giving more details about the concerns that children's services have about the children in being in your care.

If you wish, you can speak to one of the advisers at Family Rights Group on the advice line, this is open from 9.30am to 3pm Monday to Friday (except Bank Holidays). The telephone number for the advice line is 0808 801 0366.

I hope this is helpful.

Best wishes


Post Reply