need to know my next steps...

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Joined: Thu May 11, 2017 4:15 pm

need to know my next steps...

Post by fustratedmum » Wed May 17, 2017 8:20 am

Good morning

I'm hoping i can get some advice.

To cut a very long story short, my neighbour who up to 3 weeks ago i considered a friend too called the police on us claiming her 4 year old son had witnessed my daughter (8) had engaged in sexual activity with another neighbours girl (11). Now if for any minute i thought that this was plausible i would be addressing the situation and obtaining the help required. However, I know this incident did not take place, i know when my daughter is lying and can always get the truth from her. I have received nothing but harassment from the neighbour of the 4 year old shouting over my fence calling us disgusting for not believing her even reporting me to police for harassing her, (i can barely leave my house right now due to be being 8 months pregnant and anxiety over the situation and who she has told) I have reported her to the police also as well as her sister due to them both sending messages and basically calling my daughter a liar it was filmed her f'ing and blinding in the garden towards my husband with her baby on her hip. the police will not take the matter further.

We now have social services involved and despite the 11 year old case being dismissed by them, my daughter is not being believed, I'm being classed as mentally ill as i had a breakdown in front of the social worker (of course I'm upset I'm 8 months pregnant and dealing with all of this) asked about our finical situation (what business is that of theirs) and that i am basically in denial of the situation. I am not in denial, i am angry and frustrated that i am not being listened too, they are also incompetent, as they cancelled our appointment without telling us, i had to phone them, then after the meeting he was meant to call me back after seeing my daughter at school which he never did, so i am still in limbo. I am due this baby shortly and i can't have this hanging over my head, i no longer want to stay here but we can't afford to move, and despite continuing to fight for my daughter i know this neighbour will never accept the girls innocence. I am concerned she has told social services a pack of lies against us, and i have nothing to hide i am an open book. But i feel this is going to end up costing us as a family, because for whatever reason she has a personal vendetta on me. i have kept my mouth shut, i haven't gone and told anyone about this, i spoken to school, midwife health visitor I've played by the rules and yet I'm still the one being pursued. I don't feel like we will ever get justice for what this woman has put us all through. I have lost to much weight as i am not eating or sleeping, i weigh less no then before pregnancy, My daughter can't sleep, my husband is trying to manage us all without losing it himself, and my poor son is trying to contend with gcse's.

Please help. I need to be proactive i can't just wait it out but i fear if i pester social services i will just get labelled unstable even more.

Thanks for reading

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Joined: Fri Jun 17, 2016 8:17 pm

Re: need to know my next steps...

Post by Ignatious » Wed May 17, 2017 11:36 am

Hi fustratedmum, I'm sorry to hear your having such a difficult time with Children's Services especially at the moment considering your expecting.

Firstly, I'd like to explain that I'm a parent and these views are my own. I am firmly against Social Service interference and have tried to educate myself in thir policies and practices and where possible, I hold them to account. I am aware that they have a necessary role to play in society. At the end of the day they do have a job to do.

What I can summise is your neighbour contacted the police with regards to as you've described 'sexual activity by minors'. I would summise because of children being involved it would have been the police that contacted children's services. at this point Children's Services are obligated to act by law.

Section 47 of the Children's Act 1989
Where a local authority are informed that a child who lives, or is found, in their area have reasonable cause to suspect that a child who lives, or is found, in their area is suffering, or is likely to suffer, significant harm, the authority shall make, or cause to be made, such enquiries as they consider necessary to enable them to decide whether they should take any action to safeguard or promote the child’s welfare.

Basically it gives them a blank cheque. Without your permission, Childrens Services can speak to certain professionals in relation to your child(ren) ie Health Visitors, School, anyone they deem appropriate who has contact with your child. As part of that investigation process they need to make a holistic view of the family which is why if you were previously unknown to them they may have asked questions about your finances, i.e. are you able to financially provide for your child. Not relevant here, but I would also guess they may have asked if you drink or smoke. Not really much to be concerned about, they need to make an assessment of the situation moving forward.

Please click here ==> Child Protection Procedures Sheet for the sites information sheet in relation to Child Protection Procedures.

Myself, I come across as confrontation at times (in relation to our Social Workers), I like to see it as standing up to my rights in relation to my family. In regards to you being classed as mentally ill, has the social worker openly said this? I would question the Social Workers competency and/or authority to diagnose you have one. Being male, I can not speak from experience on being 8 months pregnant, But my partner has in relation to me 3 times, so I can sympathise and agree, yes, of course this stressful situation you were put in would make you emotional.

You said you don't feel like you will ever get justice (re neighbour). I know it's hard, as best you can try and close ranks and move on. ignoring your neighbour and the 'rise' they may be getting in the provocation. I can only hope in (hopefully a short time) things will die down. But, do keep logs of any negative activity and pass these onto the police if they continue. Not sure if your home owners or council tenants,.. you could possibly include the landlord into the behaviour of the tenant.

There are costs involved, usually £10, But I would ask for and put in a SAR (Subject Access Request for information) on what the Local Authority have on file and a like to that information sheet is here ==>Access to Records sheet

I wish you luck moving forward and hope I've provided some useful information.
I am a parent. My responses are not from any formal training background but from my own experiences, my own research and my own point of view.

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Re: need to know my next steps...

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Wed May 17, 2017 1:14 pm

Dear frustratedmum,

Welcome to the Parents Forum.

I can see what a stressful situation you are in at the moment. Your neighbour's harassment of you must be extremely difficult and is must be shocking to hear that an allegation has been made about your 8 year old daughter engaging in sexual activity.
Not only that you are 8 months pregnant-a time when you should be avoiding stress and relaxing in anticipation of your baby being born.

You say that your neighbour will never accept your daughter’s innocence.

First, your daughter is not guilty of anything. She is a child and cannot be prosecuted and so no criminal offence has been committed. In fact, her behaviour may well be completely normal for her age. The only worry may be, for example, if she had been coerced by the older child.
Have a look at the Traffic Light Tool used by many children services.

Second, it is none of your neighbours business. Her son alleged something and it is up to children services to decide what needs investigating.

I can see you are worried about the assessment process.
Here is some information about assessments.

As you can see, the purpose of an assessment is to see whether or not, your daughter needs any support. Only if they suspected that any of your children (Or your unborn baby) might be at risk of significant harm, would children services take things up to a child protection investigation.

You ask what you can do to be proactive.
The most important thing is to cooperate with the assessment. I can see that you are already doing this.

But the social worker should also be explaining the assessment to you. Ask how long it takes, which professionals will the social worker want to contact (usually, GP, midwife, schools and any other professional who might be involved with your children). Ask for a copy of the assessment.

You have highlighted three main issues:

• In respect of the sexual activity, children services might suggest self-protection work being helpful for your daughter. For more information about this, you could contact the NSPCC or the Just Stop It Now helpline on 0808 1000 900.

• Another issue, is your neighbour’s harassment of you and your family. As you had previously been on good terms, you must be very upset about what is happening and would like it to be resolved. Ask the social worker whether a referral can be made to the local authority anti- social behaviour team for help and support such as mediation.

• Children services will be worried about your stress levels (caused by the allegation and your neighbour’s harassment of you). You say that you broke down in front of children services, you are not sleeping and you are losing weight.

I agree with you, that your hormones may be all over the place due to your pregnancy so you are likely to be more upset. You should speak to the midwife or GP about how you are feeling and see whether or not they can suggest support for you.

Also let the social worker know you are doing this. It will show that you have insight into your stress levels and can get support for it.

You say you do not want to wait for the social worker to contact you again. Why don’t you contact the social worker and ask about what else needs to happen and how long the assessment will take.

I hope this helps but if you have any questions, please post back.

Best wishes,


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Joined: Thu May 11, 2017 4:15 pm

Re: need to know my next steps...

Post by fustratedmum » Wed May 17, 2017 9:00 pm

First and foremost my daughter knows the underwear rule we've had many conversations about sex age aware etc.. so she is fully clued up.

secondly. I use innocent because my neighbour is acting and accusing her of doing something wrong. I understand that kids mess around. Also i believe that the older child is telling the truth i have known her since she was 4. The 4 yr old who made the claims did not give a spefic location and the act that took place the way it was described to me would be impossible to do. even the police had said that it was incoherent .

The social worker has made me feel like i am a criminal because i won't roll over and blindly accept the allegation. he is rude and it was uncalled for how he treated me, i have tried calling him and he will not return my calls. They have already said they will not assist me for the harassment or movement. he knows how pregnant i am.

Ive told our landlord they won't help, I've put a fence up between our gardens thats all i can do. She has made it her mission to isolate me from the other parents who i used to be friendly with, because i am not speaking up i can't defend myself. so i see the glances and the whispers and my daughter sees it too.

I have had dealings with social before for my son, so I'm not in refusal of them being involved or in denial that a situation could have occurred. My point is that it has not happened i know this categorically. my kids are not in danger of anything they are well cared for and our my world (yes they push their luck but what kid doesn't) I am struggling to avoid her as we are next door they go to the same school, i walk a different a way, I've stopped going to the shops. Yet i still run in to her. My life is basically in the gutter because of this. and i have no help to get it resolved.

Pregnant or not i would be handling this the same way. Just better control of the tears.

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