Hi everyone the subject may raise a lot of eyebrows but please read before making a judgement...
2 years ago I found to have been looking at indecent images I knew what I was doing was wrong I hated myself for it I was very lonely depressed and generally just in a bad place in June 2015 my daughter was born and a week later the police exercised a warrant to search my property and take goods as they see fit then we had a social worker turn up an hour after I returned from my interview...
In the November after being on children in need for this period WWE we're then placed on child protection to this date... I have attended the lucie faithful foundation course to address my behaviour off my own back and out of my own pocket I was sentenced to 3year community order and 5 years on the register I am attending all probation meetings and my risk assessment officer has no concerns..... we have now been on child protection for 2 years in this time I have constantly asked sw on any recommendations they have for us to improve the level of trust but to no avail we are now about to go to our 5th conference where there has been no change in the situation we were asked what me and my partner wanted moving forward into the future and we were open and honest and said we wanted to be a family and live together sw says she has given us credit on our honesty but is unsure whether or both this is realistic sw has also admitted that as time has passed we are now stuck in a rut and she is unsure on how to move forward and so has passed the case to the principle for further advice all I want to know is if there is a possibility of us living together again?? Me and partner don't expect it to happen overnight and are willing to work with ss but we are just getting no answers please could you advise me further as my daughter is nearly 2 and me and partner are living separately with parents and it sucks I currently have 3hours on a week night and 8hours Saturday and Sunday contact and I also work 12hour days through the weekend so there would not be a significant increase in contact and before you say it I know I'm judged as a risk and always will be
I'm a sex offender dad and I want my family back
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Suzie, FRG Adviser
- Posts: 4230
- Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm
Re: I'm a sex offender dad and I want my family back
Dear Audiman,
Welcome to the Parents Forum,
I can see that your daughter is on a child protection plan, you moved out of the family home, and you and mum have been cooperating with the plan. Both you and children services want to move forwards.
From children’s services perspective, a child protection plan cannot last indefinitely.
Either a decision will be made to move down to a child in need plan or no plan or matters escalated upwards to possible court proceedings to make future plans about where your daughter should live.
You and your wife (at this stage) have made it clear that you would both like to reunite as a family. So now the social worker has asked for an opinion from a senior manager in children services.
You do not say what the outcome was of the original risk assessment. Did it recommend further work to be undertaken?
Did it say that it was not safe for you to live with children?
Have you and your wife completed any courses and support needed to reduce any risk? If so, is the assessment now out of date?
You could ask for a fresh risk assessment (of you and your wife) by a specialist organisation, such as the Lucy Faithfull foundation, funded by children services?
A social work assessment on its own, is unlikely to be enough to assess the risk to your child.
If matters were to go the care proceedings route, then a specialist risk assessment would certainly be expected, as well as support offered to you and your wife around risks. Both you and your wife would be entitled to separate legal aid solicitors who could advise of the best way forward and whether, in fact, your wish to be together as a family (having seen the assessments) would be possible in the future.
In case it the senior manager recommends the court route, here is our advice sheet about care proceedings .
Look at the pre- proceedings process. It outlines what should happen and the support that could be offered –such as a family group conference, for example.
I am sorry I cannot answer your question about your family being together in the future but I hope my answer helps in some way. If you have any questions, please post back or call our advice line on 0808 801 0366.
Best wishes,
Suzie
Welcome to the Parents Forum,
I can see that your daughter is on a child protection plan, you moved out of the family home, and you and mum have been cooperating with the plan. Both you and children services want to move forwards.
From children’s services perspective, a child protection plan cannot last indefinitely.
Either a decision will be made to move down to a child in need plan or no plan or matters escalated upwards to possible court proceedings to make future plans about where your daughter should live.
You and your wife (at this stage) have made it clear that you would both like to reunite as a family. So now the social worker has asked for an opinion from a senior manager in children services.
You do not say what the outcome was of the original risk assessment. Did it recommend further work to be undertaken?
Did it say that it was not safe for you to live with children?
Have you and your wife completed any courses and support needed to reduce any risk? If so, is the assessment now out of date?
You could ask for a fresh risk assessment (of you and your wife) by a specialist organisation, such as the Lucy Faithfull foundation, funded by children services?
A social work assessment on its own, is unlikely to be enough to assess the risk to your child.
If matters were to go the care proceedings route, then a specialist risk assessment would certainly be expected, as well as support offered to you and your wife around risks. Both you and your wife would be entitled to separate legal aid solicitors who could advise of the best way forward and whether, in fact, your wish to be together as a family (having seen the assessments) would be possible in the future.
In case it the senior manager recommends the court route, here is our advice sheet about care proceedings .
Look at the pre- proceedings process. It outlines what should happen and the support that could be offered –such as a family group conference, for example.
I am sorry I cannot answer your question about your family being together in the future but I hope my answer helps in some way. If you have any questions, please post back or call our advice line on 0808 801 0366.
Best wishes,
Suzie
Re: I'm a sex offender dad and I want my family back
Hi thanks for your reply...I have completed the lucie faithful foundation course and my partner has completed the nspcc women as protectors course both passed with flying colours and positive comments I am currently waiting to start the internet sex offenders programme through probation
In regards to risk assessments I can't say tbh that I have ever seen one so I cannot answer the question but we have been told we won't be put onto children in need as my child is not in need of anything all we keep being told is I'm as risk which we both fully understand but not being given any help for us to help reduce the risk in their eyes I'm just told that I'm doin everything that I can..
If we are given a supervision order what does this entail I've read that the social worker will befriend my daughter but what does this mean?? And what other powers/conditions could be granted?? I've been told by my solicitor we don't cross the threshold for court proceedings as we stand but if we go on a supervisory ordered what can happen then as neither want to lose our daughter
Thanks for your advice
In regards to risk assessments I can't say tbh that I have ever seen one so I cannot answer the question but we have been told we won't be put onto children in need as my child is not in need of anything all we keep being told is I'm as risk which we both fully understand but not being given any help for us to help reduce the risk in their eyes I'm just told that I'm doin everything that I can..
If we are given a supervision order what does this entail I've read that the social worker will befriend my daughter but what does this mean?? And what other powers/conditions could be granted?? I've been told by my solicitor we don't cross the threshold for court proceedings as we stand but if we go on a supervisory ordered what can happen then as neither want to lose our daughter
Thanks for your advice
Re: I'm a sex offender dad and I want my family back
Hi I'm in a similar situation but I am a mother , my partner was arrested on 19 April for possession of indecent images , police came to our home 630 am and searched premises took my husbands devices away , he was later released without charge pending investigation , what does this mean he is innocent ?? Social services have contact me and advised that my partner leave the family home while investigation goes on ! My son is 14 I don't know what happens next , if my partner gets charged is he allowed to come home etc they said that since he was not living at home my son wouldn't be put on report as I was save guarding and protecting , my partner is threatens to kill himself saying he can't live without us , so confused
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oneafter900
- Posts: 8
- Joined: Sat Jan 09, 2016 5:13 pm
Re: I'm a sex offender dad and I want my family back
I have posted in another thread and am an offender who was convicted of child porn offences in December 2015 after being arrested in april 2015
My advice for any wife/partner js to stick to your guns and fight them as soon as you can without risking your children.
CS made me wife and I tow the line under PLO/child protection for almost a year after my convicrion assuming that eventually I would be allowed home. that never happened. they made my wife wait until our new son was 3 months old (we alredy had a 2 year old daughter at that point) and she did a 'safeguarding course' that took 14 weeks.
the course was designed to drive her against me and instill the notion that i was a devious and grooming sex offender and that if she took me back her ability to safeguard would be in doubt. the course provider (barnados) was done via a former social worker
as a result my wife ended our marriage and CS then gleefully closed the case on the recommendation she would not allow me unsupervised contact 'or else' kinda thing.
i have therefore had no choice but to apply to the courts this month for unsupervised access and a proper contact arrangement and infeel foolish for not taking proper legal advice over a year ago when CS did their first parenting assessment and concluded we were excellent loving parents.
so my advice to those stuck in the social services slow slow never ending pencil pusging lethargy is to take action NOW and have your partner apply for a contact arrangements against you. the court will either put the onus on cafcas to conduct a proper risk assessment and incorporate the father and chikdren's rights to bave a family life together or they will force social services to do the same
at the moment social services are trying to grind you down so eventually you give up and say that your partner is never coming home. FIGHT THEM!!!!!
My advice for any wife/partner js to stick to your guns and fight them as soon as you can without risking your children.
CS made me wife and I tow the line under PLO/child protection for almost a year after my convicrion assuming that eventually I would be allowed home. that never happened. they made my wife wait until our new son was 3 months old (we alredy had a 2 year old daughter at that point) and she did a 'safeguarding course' that took 14 weeks.
the course was designed to drive her against me and instill the notion that i was a devious and grooming sex offender and that if she took me back her ability to safeguard would be in doubt. the course provider (barnados) was done via a former social worker
as a result my wife ended our marriage and CS then gleefully closed the case on the recommendation she would not allow me unsupervised contact 'or else' kinda thing.
i have therefore had no choice but to apply to the courts this month for unsupervised access and a proper contact arrangement and infeel foolish for not taking proper legal advice over a year ago when CS did their first parenting assessment and concluded we were excellent loving parents.
so my advice to those stuck in the social services slow slow never ending pencil pusging lethargy is to take action NOW and have your partner apply for a contact arrangements against you. the court will either put the onus on cafcas to conduct a proper risk assessment and incorporate the father and chikdren's rights to bave a family life together or they will force social services to do the same
at the moment social services are trying to grind you down so eventually you give up and say that your partner is never coming home. FIGHT THEM!!!!!
Re: I'm a sex offender dad and I want my family back
Thanks , just so confused about the whole thing , feel like we have all just been left hanging and not know what happens next , my son is 14 and goes to football and stuff with my hubby ( well did )
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Suzie, FRG Adviser
- Posts: 4230
- Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm
Re: I'm a sex offender dad and I want my family back
Dear Scared2,
Welcome to the Parents Forum. You must be feeling very worried and confused about what is happening.
There are people posting on this forum who have been through this as well.
They have very different experiences. This ranges from children being removed from parents because a mother was in denial about the risk of her husband so could not protect her young children, to very positive experiences-like City951 has shared. Often though, there seem to be a lot of delay, like in Audiman's experience.
However, I would urge you to work very closely and honestly with children services. They will want to develop a trusting relationship with you. They will want to be re-assured that you will always put your son before your partner and yourself. So be protective of your son.
You must also make sure that children services are clear with you about their expectations. So, if you are unsure about anything, ask them to put things in writing for both you and your husband.
In your post, there are two possible risks to your son. That he might be sexually abused and that he might suffer emotional abuse due to your husband’s mental health, (threat of suicide).
In respect of your husbands mental health-there is a very much a raised risk of suicide in these circumstances. I would have expected the police to have assessed this risk as well. Is your husband in touch with his GP or mental health services to get the support he needs-and so reduce his risk to your son?
Children services involvement
You are at the beginning of a process which may take some months, if not longer. This will depend on the backlog with the police forensically examining all computer and phone devices in your household.
In answer to your questions:
Your husband has been released without charge –pending investigation. This means that they are waiting for his devices to be forensically examined to see whether or not they have enough evidence to prosecute him.
So at this stage, he could be either innocent or guilty.
Until children services know whether your husband might be a risk to your son they have to assume the worst-that your son could be in danger of being sexually abused. Do you know what the nature of the images were and how they have been classified?
Given your son is 14, could “self-protection” work be done with him-explaining what his dad might have done and how to protect himself from dad?
The social worker has said she wants dad to move out/stay out of the family home.
You could ask her to explain to you why this is, given your son’s age? Does your son have a learning difficulty or is he particularly vulnerable? Were the images of teenage boys?
Is it actually necessary that your husband moves out could he be supervised in the family home?
Could you be assessed to protect your son from him during contact? What about another family member being assessed to supervise your husband when he comes to the family home?
Children services assessment should take up to 45 working days. There should be a forensic assessment of your husbands risk as well, which may be completed via the criminal process (after conviction, for example) which will add to the delay.
Alternatively, children services could instruct an organisation such as the NSPCC or The Lucy Faithfull Foundation to carry out these specialist risk assessments and also provide support and courses to reduce any risk of your husband might pose. Ask the social worker who will do this part of the assessment and what are the timescales for these assessments. Ask that the arrangements are reviewed-say in 4 months.
Why don’t you contact the helpline-Just Stop It Now on 0808 1000 900 . They can advise about the process, risk assessments and support in your family’s circumstances.
I hope this advice helps. Please post back if you have any questions or call our advice line on 0808 801 0366.
Best wishes,
Suzie
Welcome to the Parents Forum. You must be feeling very worried and confused about what is happening.
There are people posting on this forum who have been through this as well.
They have very different experiences. This ranges from children being removed from parents because a mother was in denial about the risk of her husband so could not protect her young children, to very positive experiences-like City951 has shared. Often though, there seem to be a lot of delay, like in Audiman's experience.
However, I would urge you to work very closely and honestly with children services. They will want to develop a trusting relationship with you. They will want to be re-assured that you will always put your son before your partner and yourself. So be protective of your son.
You must also make sure that children services are clear with you about their expectations. So, if you are unsure about anything, ask them to put things in writing for both you and your husband.
In your post, there are two possible risks to your son. That he might be sexually abused and that he might suffer emotional abuse due to your husband’s mental health, (threat of suicide).
In respect of your husbands mental health-there is a very much a raised risk of suicide in these circumstances. I would have expected the police to have assessed this risk as well. Is your husband in touch with his GP or mental health services to get the support he needs-and so reduce his risk to your son?
Children services involvement
You are at the beginning of a process which may take some months, if not longer. This will depend on the backlog with the police forensically examining all computer and phone devices in your household.
In answer to your questions:
Your husband has been released without charge –pending investigation. This means that they are waiting for his devices to be forensically examined to see whether or not they have enough evidence to prosecute him.
So at this stage, he could be either innocent or guilty.
Until children services know whether your husband might be a risk to your son they have to assume the worst-that your son could be in danger of being sexually abused. Do you know what the nature of the images were and how they have been classified?
Given your son is 14, could “self-protection” work be done with him-explaining what his dad might have done and how to protect himself from dad?
The social worker has said she wants dad to move out/stay out of the family home.
You could ask her to explain to you why this is, given your son’s age? Does your son have a learning difficulty or is he particularly vulnerable? Were the images of teenage boys?
Is it actually necessary that your husband moves out could he be supervised in the family home?
Could you be assessed to protect your son from him during contact? What about another family member being assessed to supervise your husband when he comes to the family home?
Children services assessment should take up to 45 working days. There should be a forensic assessment of your husbands risk as well, which may be completed via the criminal process (after conviction, for example) which will add to the delay.
Alternatively, children services could instruct an organisation such as the NSPCC or The Lucy Faithfull Foundation to carry out these specialist risk assessments and also provide support and courses to reduce any risk of your husband might pose. Ask the social worker who will do this part of the assessment and what are the timescales for these assessments. Ask that the arrangements are reviewed-say in 4 months.
Why don’t you contact the helpline-Just Stop It Now on 0808 1000 900 . They can advise about the process, risk assessments and support in your family’s circumstances.
I hope this advice helps. Please post back if you have any questions or call our advice line on 0808 801 0366.
Best wishes,
Suzie
-
Suzie, FRG Adviser
- Posts: 4230
- Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm
Re: I'm a sex offender dad and I want my family back
Hi Audiman,
Thanks for posting back.
I can see that you are waiting for the internet offender’s course via probation. Do you have a timescale for that? I assume your risk will be re assessed after you have completed it?
What is your solicitors view, if you moved back into the family home? Would the threshold criteria for care proceedings then be met?
I am not sure whether you are referring to a supervision order as part of the sentencing process-within the criminal law proceedings. if you are, speak to your criminal solicitor or the Lucy Faithfull Foundation.
If you mean a supervision order as part of possible care proceedings by children services, then the threshold criteria would have to be met before a supervision order could be made.
Here is some information about supervision orders .
Best wishes,
Suzie
Thanks for posting back.
I can see that you are waiting for the internet offender’s course via probation. Do you have a timescale for that? I assume your risk will be re assessed after you have completed it?
What is your solicitors view, if you moved back into the family home? Would the threshold criteria for care proceedings then be met?
I am not sure whether you are referring to a supervision order as part of the sentencing process-within the criminal law proceedings. if you are, speak to your criminal solicitor or the Lucy Faithfull Foundation.
If you mean a supervision order as part of possible care proceedings by children services, then the threshold criteria would have to be met before a supervision order could be made.
Here is some information about supervision orders .
Best wishes,
Suzie
Re: I'm a sex offender dad and I want my family back
City951 I have sent you a PM if that's ok. Thank you
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oneafter900
- Posts: 8
- Joined: Sat Jan 09, 2016 5:13 pm
Re: I'm a sex offender dad and I want my family back
Sorry what?!!!
My experience has not been positive. SS dragged it out until my wife basically agreed to break up with me. When i was removed from my home i was 33. I have just turned 36. I have missed my daughter going from a barely walking toddler to a fully fledged little girl with personality and wit. i have never even seen my son naked and hes 14 months old. i cant bath them. i cant take them on holiday. i cant have them overnight. i cant take them anywhere. none of my friends have even met them.
SS closed the case with the recommendation that i have no unsupervised access - just because they could. they had nonintention of helping us as a family get through this.
Because I cannot be a proper dad, as a single man or otherwise I have had to apply to go to court to against my wife. 2 years and 4 months since this all started and in that time SS had 1 interview with me. they have ignored probation's comments that i am low risk. you could write what has been captured by SS and probation in a short pamphlet.
people do undergraduate degrees in the time it will have taken to prosecute me and asses me.
all because hey decided that one crime = another more serious crime.
when do we do that is anynother part of criminal or social law?
say a drink driving offence - ok you're never allowed in a car again because you might get drunk and drive it.
My experience has not been positive. SS dragged it out until my wife basically agreed to break up with me. When i was removed from my home i was 33. I have just turned 36. I have missed my daughter going from a barely walking toddler to a fully fledged little girl with personality and wit. i have never even seen my son naked and hes 14 months old. i cant bath them. i cant take them on holiday. i cant have them overnight. i cant take them anywhere. none of my friends have even met them.
SS closed the case with the recommendation that i have no unsupervised access - just because they could. they had nonintention of helping us as a family get through this.
Because I cannot be a proper dad, as a single man or otherwise I have had to apply to go to court to against my wife. 2 years and 4 months since this all started and in that time SS had 1 interview with me. they have ignored probation's comments that i am low risk. you could write what has been captured by SS and probation in a short pamphlet.
people do undergraduate degrees in the time it will have taken to prosecute me and asses me.
all because hey decided that one crime = another more serious crime.
when do we do that is anynother part of criminal or social law?
say a drink driving offence - ok you're never allowed in a car again because you might get drunk and drive it.
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