Discussion with social worker

[Minnie]

I received a phone call from my social worker early evening on Friday, she said she was returning my call, I had 2 queries, the 1st was to clarify whether the children had moved again and where and I received a letter with the contact arrangements for next 12 months, there was no mention of whether it going it going to be reviewed, my contact has been reviewed formally since October. She said I was reading too much into it, it was so everybody knew where they were in regards to contact. I mentioned the options for review, she told is wasn't going to be reviewed either for frequency or lifting the supervision. She said this was because i hadn't admitted that i was partially responsible for my daughter's attachment disorder, she has never address this concern with me and hasn't explain how she thinks I'm responsible for her attachment disorder, I have research this and she doesn't fit the description of a child with an attachment disorder except her behaviour. She also said she wasn't prepared to do further assessments. She also said I lacked emotional warmth with youngest daughter, again this wasn't explained how i had done this. I always give my daughters cuddles and kisses at the beginning and end of contact, i take an interest in what they have been doing, give praise if they have done something well or have been good. I told that she didn't evidence to back this up. I was told that i was destabilising the placement with the father and wasn't in support of it because i was expressing my concerns about the girls physical and emotional wellbeing. She asked why i had agree for the girls to placed with him last summer, i told he i didn't have a choice. I thinking she was venting her frustration at me, the placement with the children's father is failing, the is going to be anti-disruption meeting very soon.

I have informed from my solicitor of this conversation, she has said that is opinion is troubling but is something that can be challenged. I have raised concerns about the children been fostered long term, she said we can get a human rights injunction if this happens, I'm not sure what this is.

I found this conversation upsetting and a little inappropriate, i don't whether to leave it in the hands of the solicitor or whether to put a formal complain in with the team leader.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Minnie,

I am sorry to hear about your unsettling conversation with the social worker. She certainly sounds like she is frustrated with the way things are with your daughters. Even so, it would have been better for you to have received this new information face to face in a meeting or for her to have taken you through her assessment.

it sounds like new information about your daughters mental health (her having an attachment disorder) has been given to you. The social worker is also saying that she believes you partially caused this.
She has assessed you as lacking emotional warmth with your younger daughter.
She also says that you have been deliberately de-stabilising the placement with dad.

I wouldn’t complain to her manager but instead ask her explain things to you. Can you see a copy of her assessment report or can she put everything in writing.
For example, when was the diagnosis of attachment disorder made? Can she recommend any specialist parenting course to learn skills to meet your daughter’s specific and complex needs? What support is your daughter getting from child and adolescent mental health services? What does her care plan say?
Explain that you did not realise she thought you lacked warmth and say all the things you have been doing at contact. How does she want you to address your style of parenting? You are keen to improve. What courses could she recommend?
You want to be a better parent.
Explain it has not been your intention to de-stabilise the placement with dad. You had concerns about your daughters wellbeing. In the future, how should you report matters to her?
How can you help to support dad?

In respect of parenting courses, you could contact Family lives .

Young minds might be able to advise about support for you and your daughter around attachment issues.

Are you going to the anti- disruption meeting? Have you seen the reports for the meeting and a copy of the agenda.

My advice is only general advice. I would always run things past your solicitor as well. Good luck with everything.

Best wishes,

Suzie

[Minnie]

Hi

The attachment disorder diagnosis is new, we have know for about a year and she has other diagnosis(2 others and one that is about to be diagnosed. The discussion wasn't as a result of any assessment on my part, I haven't had any assessments for over a year.

I saw her on Friday as she was covering contact with my oldest daughter and she was a different person than person who spoke to me a week ago. She was friendly and was asking me to help with my oldest daughter, she wants me to take her for a haircut as her father hasn't since been in his care(last July). Also, she had a meeting with him early in the day and she was concerned how little he understood about caring for little girls and made comments about the lack of understanding about girls hairstyles. We are also having issues about getting my daughter fitted for a bra/buying a crop top, my daughter is refusing to get measured or even look at them. I'm pressurised in encouraging her into doing this, I get it is important but it is causing a lot of distress with my daughter and she ended up nearly crying. I'm going to tell her that she can do it her own time.

Also, in an aim to stabilise the placement with their dad, they want to put my children in respite foster placement every 6 weeks for a whole weekend separately, I'm not happy with this especially as the psychologist said that foster care had damaged my daughters and continued foster care would damage them further. They also suggesting that children going on a pgl holiday during the school holidays which would be nice for them but I feel it wouldn't beneficial. I want to be considered for any respite care as do my family.

I going to seek to challenge it with my solicitor as I think this wrong for the children