Future Baby Advice

[D1234]

Hi,

I was convicted 8 years ago and have served my sentence and i am no longer required to register, i dont want to go into details as i made a mistake and ive payed a heavy price for it so please dont judge me, i have been with my partner for 2 years she is aware of my past i was honest with her from the start, i just want to know if in the future we decide we want to have a family of our own what would happen i.e social services etc? do i have to inform them of anything even though i no longer need to register? i just want to know what will happen so we can make decisions based on all the facts. Anyones help would be greatly appreciated

[2017mummy]

My partner committed a schedule 1 offence against a 14 year old girl when he was 19. He's 33 now and had no jail time but signed the register for 5 years. But what we both naively assumed is that it was spent. Now we know it never will be in the eyes of children's services.

We are now in a position where we have been reported to CS after he applied to court for access to see his son from a previous relationship although anyone who had knowledge of the previous conviction could have made the referral at any time. Anyone who has committed an offence of a certain nature will always be classified as potentially posing a risk to a child.

You would need a pre birth assessment, which stupidly isn't offered until after you get someone pregnant. You can't be assessed until you become involved with an actual child's life.

I recommend making an anonymous call to your local CS and see if they will give you guidance. I imagine it would go in your favour showing transparency from an early stage and making the referral to CS yourself, but either way, it's going to be a stressful process for you both. Whatever you do, don't leave it till she's 32 weeks pregnant like I was when they decided to contact me,

Good luck. I will keep you posted on what happens for us.

[D1234]

hi thank you so much for your reply, i did have the feeling that just because i no longer register that i would still be seen as a danger etc, but knowing in advance gives us the chance to discuss things and make decisions going forward, thank you so much for your advice its greatly appreciated

[2017mummy]

What you could do if you really want to have children together is start to do your homework now. Get together any reports you can about yourself from probation and the police. It will cost £10 to get a subject access request from each agency. This will show what risk level those agencies see you as. Whilst it wont be the decision that CS reach about you, it will be useful for you to have so that you can show them.

I don't know the terms of your sentence, but if you weren't offered any kind of offender's program to help minimise the future risk that you may pose, then you should look at finding courses relevant to your situation. Your partner can also do courses to ensure that she knows the signs of abuse and how to act. You can contact the Lucy Faithfull foundation or Stop it Now helpline. Your partner may be able to refer herself to the women as protectors course offered by the NSPCC, which is available in some locations around the UK, but they seem to allow anyone to sign up no matter where they're from. There are other safeguarding courses that your partner may be able to do as an alternative too. Local Children's Centres often run free safeguarding courses. These are the kinds of things that children's services will want you to work on as long as they see you as being simply a low risk. From what I'm aware, if they think that your newborn could be at risk of significant harm, then it could be that they will not want you around your child without supervised contact and if you are obstructive to this, then they can initiate legal proceedings to make sure that the baby will be safe.

Obviously, without knowing the severity of your offence and without details of age groups/your age etc, it's difficult to gauge. Even then, you're kind of at the mercy of the social worker too so the best thing that you can do is call around as many agencies as possible and seek any advice that you can before you take steps towards starting a family.

[2017mummy]

Just to let you know what happened.

Our social worker was lovely. She asked us both about the offence. She didn't see any concern about it as it was a long time ago and given the nature accepted it was low risk.

She said with the stability of our relationship and with the honesty that we both demonstrated she had no problem with recommending that the case be closed.

Obviously everyone's situation is different and I explained mine previously but from our experience today, I have to say, social services really are there just to do their jobs and make sure that children are safe. Just be honest and be yourself. She also didn't seem bothered that we hadn't referred ourselves to them. We explained we weren't aware that it wasn't ever spent as we really did think he was clear. She was happy with that.

Good luck to you. Make sure you at least get some anonymous advice from an agency of some kind but I really think you will probably be OK.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear D1234

Welcome to the Parents Discussion Board.

My name is Suzie, online adviser, at Family Rights Group.

From your post your are very concerned about how your past conviction is likely to affect your wish to have a child with your partner.
You have been given very good advice by mummy2017. She is in a similar situation now to you and your partner as she is actually about to have a baby with her partner.

Children services will want to know that you do not pose a risk to the child and that the mother would be a protective factor. As you have been advised, it will be important for you and your partner to show that you fully understand children's services concerns and be willing to take on board their advice and do any courses or programmes that they suggest you do individually or together.

It is possible for an ex sex offender to have a family but there will need to be safeguards in place and children's services will need to carry out risk assessments.

You may wish to contact the Lucy Faithfull Foundations, the organisation that works with sex offenders and their families. I am sure the will be able to assist you with advice and support. It may be that you are able to do courses or therapy sessions with them to address what happened in the past. They would also work with your partner. Their website is here for your information.

It might also be helpful for you to read our advice sheet relating to child protection procedures.

You have provided very limited information so it is not possible to give you a more detailed response.

I hope you will find this helpful.

Best wishes

Suzie

[D1234]

Hi Suzie/2017Mommy, Sorry that i havent replied for a while ive not had access to my emails, Thats briliant news 2017Mommy im so hapy for you both and it does show that everyone should have the chance to be a family everyone deserves a 2nd chance, Suzie to explian a bit more i was convicted of downloading indecent images of children when i was 24 and serving the in the RAF, i was tried and convicted at Military Court and served 3 months in Military Prison, there was only just over 100 pictures and all but 2 were classed at the lowest level, i had to sign the register for 5 years which ended in 2014, ive been with my partner for nearly 4 years and i was fully honest with her from day one as i was still signing the register when we met, i wasent offered any sort of course while in military prison so i am more than happy to do whatever it takes and i will call the foundation that you provided, my biggest concern is her family as they dont know and i would rather they didnt if they dont have to know, its not that i dont want to be honest but im well aware that not everyone is as understanding and as far as i was aware now i no longer have to sign the register i have no legal responsability to disclose this to everyone, all i want is to have a life after i made a huge mistake so all your advice is greatly appreciated