I am a sex offender father please help me

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Re: I am a sex offender father please help me

Post by Chancing » Sat Apr 01, 2017 10:27 pm

I think the reason better educated well off individuals get harder hit is because they are expected to be above this kind of behaviour.

Before you jump on me, my partner is a RSO, who served a custodial sentence, 3years on licence, and 15 years-on the register.
The problem is the pervasive attitude that somehow looking at a video isn't the same as actually doing it.
But somebody did didn't they. Somebody's child was raped and brutalized so someone could satisfy some urge.
If it wasn't there you wouldn't look?
If people didn't look there would be no market?

I don't know what the answer is.
What I do know is I would take safe over sorry every time.

My partner and I were very very honest and humble in the face of the services. We asked questions, requested advice.
Right from the beginning I admitted my partner was a risk and requested courses that would help me identify the warning signs in his behaviour.
I was involved in his healthy sexual function course work.
I requested advice from his support group supervisor. It is a group for offenders, that looks at behaviours and how they can be changed or managed.
But this course is optional.
You would have to ask.

You will always lose with anger against these people.
Also I would like to say I have found most of the advice here to be neutral but clear on what you can expect from the services.
Suzie often says it's Th CS job to look to protecting the child. That's not biased it's just fact.
Their agenda has 0,zip,nothing to do with the police or court or your final sentence.
They need to wait for a verdict before they can decide on a course of action. But outside of that they only care about if the child is at risk.
And what will happen if they make the wrong call.

I am sure none of us wld want that kind of responsibility.

A lot of child welfare workers are, out of touch and out of line.
On here I have read more horror stories than I care to imagine.
The one thing, well two things a lot, not all, but a lot these stories have in common is that both the perpetrator and their partner believe there to be no risk, or reluctantly accept a small risk.

This is another area my partner and I differed from most couples is that he was very straightforward in admitting he couldn't say he would never offend or want to again. And with that in mind he takes constant measures to help with his behaviour. And it is frequently discussed with both his SW and my family social worker.
Sexual preferences cannot be changed, only managed. This is a absolutely essential step for any sexual offender to recognise.

I am truly very sorry you have found yourself where you are..
And to anyone else I faced with this situation I strongly advise humility in the face of the services,because they have your future in their hands.
All the best for the future. Take care.

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Re: I am a sex offender father please help me

Post by Foreigner » Thu May 04, 2017 10:32 am

I am in a similar situation only I am not the offender but his partner and we have a 2 month old baby.
I would like to ask the person who started this topic how are things developing for him?
I am trying to support my partner but I am struggling a lot with the thought of what he did and the time that it will take until any progress with the investigation and charges is not gonna help!
Just to add that he was arrested only a month ago, on the 5th of April!
I'd appreciate it if you'd reply and thanks in advance.

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Re: I am a sex offender father please help me

Post by illseycat » Thu Aug 17, 2017 5:32 pm

Again I am in a similar situation,

My partner was arrested for IOC and given a suspended sentence.

2 weeks after his arrest we found out I was pregnant which of course leaves me in a very difficult place!

I told my midwife very soon after and then contacted social services myself as I wanted to be as pro-active as I could to show I understood the risks. We had an initial meeting with the social worker who made it seems as if nothing much was going to happen and now we have been called to a 'Child in need' meeting.

I would have been very surprised if the initial meeting was the end of it as then child services wouldn't be doing their job properly as yes my partner now is now a threat.

This is my first child so a worrying time already and I just wondered if anybody had any more information on a 'child in need' meeting? Who attends?

My partners VISOR came round for a visit and said she was surprised it was only a 'child in need' meeting as it must of not met the threshold. what does this all mean??

I understand our lives won't be normal but I just feel like nobody is informing me!!

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Re: I am a sex offender father please help me

Post by PerfectlySafeDad » Fri Aug 18, 2017 2:46 am

Good luck Ilsseycat, and particularly your husband (as he is the one most likely to lose his human right to a family). From what I understand, a 'child in need' meeting is not as severe as a child protection plan. The reason you haven't heard much, is because they probably don't know what to do, and they are always overstretched: Arbitrary and incompetent. Maybe you got lucky this is working in your favour. I'd love to hear some good news on this forum and prove me wrong about these fascists.
In a PM I heard a man has been driven to repeated suicide attempts for just 30 images ( only 1 of those the worst category), because his ex cannot forgive and the SS insist he cannot see his sons (3 and 5) alone until they are 18!!
Will somebody please one day do something about the abusive and tragic inquisition Children's services has become. 95% of these cases are not demons who would harm their own children, despite how disgusting are the images looked at. The internet distorts a sense of reality - for the authorities as well as offenders.

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Re: I am a sex offender father please help me

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Fri Aug 18, 2017 3:37 pm

Dear Illseycat

Welcome to the Parents Discussion Board.

My name is Suzie, online adviser ta Family Rights Group.

I can see that you are very worried about how things are going now that children’s services are involved following your conviction as a sex offender.

It must have been difficult for you finding out about your pregnancy in what must already have been a distressing time following your partner’s arrest.

As you were positive and proactive in the actions you took you should be proud of yourself for doing so. This shows that you have the appropriate insight into the concerns that would arise from your partner’s behaviour. The social worker who met with you I suppose took the view that you were being cooperative and ready to engage and work with children’s services.

A child in need meeting has been arranged, I assume, because the social worker completed an assessment the outcome of which recommend that it would be the best course to work out a child in need plan. The reason that it might be a child in need plan is so that you can be provided with any support that professionals believe you might need. Please see our advice sheet about family support services relating to child in need assessmentss . As a result of your partner’s past behaviour and conviction it might be that the identified need is to ensure that any support you and your unborn child may require is put in place.

I can understand why the person dealing with your partner under Violent and Sexual Offenders Register (VISOR) has, as you say, surprised it is only a child in need meeting. Each case is considered on its own facts although in cases involving sex offenders a child protection enquiries would be done. Our advice sheet about child protection procedures is here for your information. It is possible to move from child in need to child protection if the circumstances change. Children’s services is likely to go down the child protection route if a child has suffered harm and likely to suffer significant harm in the future. This may be the reason that VISOR person said what she did.

You could make contact with the Lucy Faithfull Foundation the organisation which offers advice to sex offenders and their families. This might be useful to you to understand in depth the nature of your partner’s offence and the future risks, if any, involved. Their telephone number is 0808 100 0900 and the website is here

We do have a free and confidential advice line which you may wish to call to speak to an adviser. The advice line is open from 9.30 am to 3pm Monday to Friday (except Bank Holidays).

I hope this helps.

Best wishes


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Re: I am a sex offender father please help me

Post by Helpless » Mon Sep 04, 2017 11:16 pm

Hi all,
I wish to join in this discussion as I feel I have been through the mill and back with my situation.
Two parallel situations are running. The first is that I am in line to get Special Guardianship of my two grandaughters in the next few weeks (my daughter’s children). The second involves my son (39) who has suspected Asperger’s and until recently was living in the family home. Some 18 months ago we had a police raid where they believed he had child images on his PC. My son always vehemently denied this. They took away 2 PCs, mobile phone and several USB sticks. There was 12 years of history on those machines. There was nothing found in his room – not even ‘ordinary’ porn. The analysis took 9 months and came back clear. No images found – no further action, BUT because he works driving school children, the police (in their infinite wisdom) informed the Disclosure & Barring service that there had been an investigation and they believed that certain search terms used were ‘indicative’ of a possible risk to children. This resulted in information being put into the ‘Relevant Information’ box on his DBS certificate essentially losing his job. The search terms were over a relatively short period – 3 to 4 months – where he had become obsessional (being into football) with the Andy Johnson case. Gossip forums had indicated there was ‘much more’ to the allegations than had been reported, and he had been digging for the juicy gossip. In addition, he used to frequent ******** for mainstream feature films and music. The police said he had clicked ****which is apparently used by peodos, but my son was not aware of this abbreviation and assumed something ‘home camcorder’ NOT ‘hard core’. The third search term was *******, which apparently is a well known gaming cult – even I have seen this on a magazine.
Despite appealing at every stage, the DBS have now barred him him from working with children. He has a 16 year exemplary record of driving children. He has multiple supportive references written by family, friends and the school in his favour. We have a large family with numerous grandchildren, nieces and nephews. Never has there been the slightest inkling of anything inappropriate. The vast majority of search terms were ‘teen’. The DBS based there case on 2 ‘unambiguous’ search terms which my son has explained. There was never an arrest, charge or conviction yet SC have made him move out of his home as they won’t support my SG if he is living here. So he has lost his job and his home and done nothing wrong. Taking a hammer to crush a nut doesn’t even come close to describing this injustice. We are in the process of asking permission for a judicial tribunal, but my heart is heavy. The current mood of social hysteria re child abuse seems to force every public body to ‘cover their backs’ no matter what the cost to individual families. SC claimed they would make their decision after ‘assessment’. I know for a fact that EVERYONE they spoke to gave a positive and supportive account of my son. He also gave an honest account of himself, yet the conclusion was still NO.
SC have recommended my SG but have asked for a year’s supervision order as they claim I have consistently refused to acknowledge a risk to my grandchildren. I cannot do that as I believe he does not pose a risk based on my knowledge/observations of him over the years. I have assured SC if I had one inkling of doubt I would not have him in the home.
What are the chances of fighting this SO given the criteria is that the child/children would be at risk of significant harm.
****edited by Suzie to comply with our rules.

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Re: I am a sex offender father please help me

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Wed Sep 06, 2017 1:24 pm

Dear Helpless,

Welcome to the Parents forum.
I recommend that you post on our friends and family carers forum. You will be able to access the invaluable support from other friends and family carers, who have a lot of experience of dealing with children services.
However, as I can see that you case is in court in the next few weeks I will answer your current post.

First, if you have not done so, have a look at page 39 onwards of our advice sheet about special guardianship orders . It outlines the type of support that may be available to help you look after your grandchildren as well as support around contact with the parents. It is crucial that you know what support is being offered by the local authority, (make sure it is in writing).
It can be more difficult to go back later for support, when children services have closed the case and they are no longer under the scrutiny of the court.

Your adult son’s potential risk.
Your adult son is going to judicially review the decision of the disclosure and barring service.
But you do not hold up much hope. While, he is barred from working with children, he will always be considered to be a potential risk to them.
This has only happened after professionals (police and others) have carried out in-depth risk assessments and decided that he may be risky. His risk can only be changed if:
• he successfully judicially reviewed the decision,
• or he undertook support/therapy that addresses his risky behaviour, so reducing his risk to children.

Even though your son has all the other glowing references, children services have to also take the police/DBS assessments into account. If they didn’t, they would be neglecting their duty to your grandchildren.

Children services are right to question whether or not, you can protect your grandchildren from him. They are likely to be concerned that you are in denial about his risk even though he has been assessed as risky by professionals experienced in risk assessments. If you deny he might be risky, how can you fully protect?
It would be better for you to understand and accept that he has been assessed as risky, so you know how to be protective when your son is in the vicinity of your grandchildren. I know this is hard to do. To get more advice about risks of sexual abuse and assessments, you could contact the Lucy Faithfull Foundation for advice.

Here is information about supervision orders .

As you can see they are short term orders and children services will not have parental responsibility (unlike when there is a care order).
It would be worth asking how they are going to supervise. It may only be by visits every few weeks while the order lasts-up to 1 year.

Before a supervision order is made, the court has to be satisfied that the “threshold criteria” has been met.
Threshold criteria relates to the harm or risk of harm your grandchildren suffered at the start of the care proceedings and is due to the care of the parents, not you.
So the “threshold criteria”, does not relate to your ability to look after your grandchildren-which you seem to suggest in your post.

Given the information you have given, I think you are better to accept a supervision order than try and oppose it.

You could speak to your solicitor about this. If you don’t have a solicitor, children’s services could pay towards you getting legal advice (under the special guardianship regulations).

What is the cafcass guardian’s view? The guardian has a different position in care proceedings from the local authority. They look at what is in the best interests of the children. Do they think a supervision order is needed?

I hope my advice helps. If you have any questions, please post back or call our advice line for support on 0808 801 0366.

Best wishes,

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Re: I am a sex offender father please help me

Post by Helpless » Wed Sep 06, 2017 11:34 pm

Dear Suzie,
Thank you so much for taking the trouble to respond (sorry if I posted in the wrong place).

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Re: I am a sex offender father please help me

Post by illseycat » Tue Sep 12, 2017 8:47 am

I would like to give a little update on my situation...

So at first it was a child in need meeting - me and my partner turned up only to be told that it had been cancelled and move to child protection without informing us!

Well anyway moving forward a couple of week and we had our child protection meeting yesterday (very daunting) but I feel it went as well as it possibly can?

My partner is allowed to stay with me once our baby is born - so our first review is 3 months from now (December) our baby will be 2/3 weeks old and unless we do not comply with the bits put in place then he will be staying at home with the idea that the protection plan will be complete in 9 months (June 2018)

Our core meeting is next week so assume the nitty gritty of him being supervised etc will be discussed (although this was never mentioned in the CPM).

I know our lives still won't be normal but we will make it our normal.

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Re: I am a sex offender father please help me

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Wed Sep 13, 2017 11:50 am

Dear Illseycat

Thank you for posting an update of your current situation.

It will, am sure, be helpful to other posters who are involved with children’s service because of issues similar to those in your case.

Your post shows that working with and cooperating with children’s service can have a good outcome. Clearly both you and partner have shown that you understand the concerns and are prepared to work together to safely care for your baby once her or she arrives.

Regarding the core group meeting that you are due to have, the purpose of this meeting is to finalise the outline child protection plan discussed at the initial child protection conference. Do continue to engage and adhere to the terms of child protection plan. Please read the advice sheet produced by Family Rights Group relating to child protection procedures which give an in depth explanation.

I hope you will have a safe delivery.

Best wishes


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