Can some one explain things to me pls

[Madascanbe]

Hi ,
I have 3 boys ages 15/11/8 ,
11/8 year old live at home with me and hubby (not there dad )
15 year old lives with dad after he turned him against us on his weekend contact 4 years ago promising him the world , your mums done this that and the other , also this helped him get a council house .
15/11 both have PDA AND ADHD .
On Monday around 2pm I had a phone call from social workers saying dad was leaving 15 in the police station as he couldn't cope with him any more could I have him , I explained I now live in a 2 bed house and it's not safe / room for the boys to be together (dads also turned them against each other )
I said I'll come down try calm dad down ect , he would not back down , emergency foster places were put in place , I could not beleave he had done that .
Next day I met at school with foster carer and 15 as he was having his reintegration as he wax excluded the previous day .
The FC was a nice lady gave me her phone number ect , 15 said he was happy she had a dog he could walk ect .
I rang him that tea time said get was fine .
8:30 I rang the FC to make sure everything was ok with him , she said after a private conversation with dad he suddenly wanted to go out and was saying he was no matter what she said , so off he went she told him to meet her at asda at 9:10 as she had another child to pick up for 9:30 off he went ,
I rang him at 8:50 and Sid are you setting off now love FC will be waiting ect NO IM NOT GOING BACK ITS HORRIBLE STINKS OF WEED ,SMOKE ECT I tried to reason with him over this to no avail , I did some resurch on Facebook found out where he was then rang dad to ask for the mothers no ( as he's been on holiday with her I would of thought he would of had it ) nope explained to him the situation .
I rang 15 back asked to speake to friends mum got the address and rang FC got her to pick him up .
Next day dads ring ss complaining about said placement not been good enough they said you can always have him home , he refused kicked off holy hell .
Sw rang me went to see15 at school he told her the same as what he told me and dad
She knew he wax lieing , any way I hold her I will have him hear it's not safe of good practice but right now what poison am I in , know dad should have him home if he was hear .
Dad rings I'm coming to get him so that's what then happened .
Sw are very conserednd about his behaviour and are going to get a child protection order in place ? I have no clue about this , they have said it's not me it's him .
They want to come talk to me and the other kids ??
They told me I myte want to get a solicitor to get custody of 15 .
What's going on ??

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Madascanbe

Welcome to the parents' discussion board. My name is Suzie, one of FRG's online advisers.

I am sorry to hear that you are going through such difficulties relating to your ex partner and the fact that Children's Services plan to convene an initial child protection conference to consider whether a multi agency plan needs to be put in place in order to keep your children safe at this time.

The meeting will share details of professional involvement, any concerns and what family support is available in order to keep your children safe. You will have the opportunity to fully participate so that you can be clear about what if any concerns are held by the agencies, professionals expectations and any actions they may be planning to take at this time.

In your post you state that the social worker does not have concerns about your parenting capacity. However, if Children's Services have recommended you seek legal advice about seeking a court order in relation to your child (ren), and you have not done so already, may I suggest you consider contacting the law society who can advise you about applying for a child arrangement order.

I hope this helps.

Best Wishes

Suzie

[Madascanbe]

Hi thanks for your reply ,

I have no room in my house for 15 year old and he is very rude and aggressive with me just copy's his dad , I also would have to pay for legal help as my hubby works .
I'm so very anoyed that ex has done this as he's putting my other children at risk of ss involment , and that's not fair I have done nothing wrong my small children are happy well looked after boys .
I don't want them involved in there lives when we have done nothing wrong

[justiceisaright]

I wouldn't want SS involved either after so many peoples experience with them. I'm sorry you feel this way about your son but isn't there anything you can do to make a plan to have your 15 year old come back home to you. He must have been through an awful time in his life and feel so unloved. Perhaps being in foster care will help him become more stable and make it easier for your to re-integrate him back into your home or you could get a 3 bedroom to support him.

all the damage that has been done by his father and your relationship is terrible. Perhaps having contact with him might help and slowly develop a bond and attachment between each other and with his siblings in a very cautious way is the next step. Perhaps have brief meetings with him initially and go on from there. I mean you are his mother and while I know it can be stressful don't you believe your son is worth trying for? He deserves a loving parent who will always be there for him come thick or thin. Now is your chance to show him how much you love him because actions always speak louder then words.